Every morning I've decided that as a part of enhancing my spiritual life, I would spend time in prayer and doing a devotional, reading from various forms of uplifting texts and messages about God to start off my day. For my last birthday, my big sister gave me a 4 1/2 X 3 1/4 inch blue and black pocket sized marble notebook. In the section where we would usually put our names and class subjects for school, she indicated that this book should be used for prayer requests and gratitude.
This morning, I woke up at about 8:20 am, my second go at getting up for the day (I tried around 7:30 when I got Lawrence's daily "Good Morning" text, but definitely fell back asleep). Committed to getting a lot of work done today, I peeled myself up and got ready for my morning ritual. Today's reading was from the Bible, Luke:1. As I'm reading the text, two lines stand out to me: Luke 1:13 - "But the angel said to him: 'Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard" and Luke 1:37, "For nothing is impossible with God". At the completion of my reading, I went to my pocket-size prayer and inspiration keeper prepared to include these two verses as reminders of the message. I happened to open the book to the last page where I included a prayer to God. This prayer spoke to the anxiety I was feeling regarding the Qualifying Exams scores that we hadn't received yet and the mounds of things on my to-do list that overwhelmed me. My last lines in that prayer were "I put it all before You, Lord".
I guess the Creator knew that the next thing I would write in this book would encourage me to see that I have a testimony, answered prayers.
Last week, I got the email I'd been dreading. The administrative assistant to our department chair sent out notices that our grades were in for the Quals, and could be picked up. My heart skipped a few. I plotted my avoidance. I promptly emailed and let her know that I wouldn't be on campus during the day when they intended to deliver the news, and requested an alternative date, later in the week of course. When Thursday came, I waited to the last possible minute to knock on the door. I knew on the other side was THE ENVELOPE.
After a long day of class, I finally went for it. I built up the courage to knock and go inside. At this point I'm ready...but unfortunately, the person I needed to see wasn't. After all of that, I would have to return the next day. Another night of trembling, I thought.
The next day, I attended a workshop on campus. For nearly three hours, I sat in the same room with the person who would deliver the news about my exams. I kept taking side glances at her, thinking that the whole time, while I was in the darkness, she knew what that envelope said. She knew where I stood, and yet, she responded not at all to my internal dialogue and piercing glances. She simply focused on the presentation. I forced myself to do the same.
Three hours later, I finally had my meeting. In my hand, as I sat to get feedback, I had a envelope that read "Congratulations. We are pleased to inform you that you have successfully passed all areas of the Qualifying Examination Questions". I breathed a sigh of relief that released a three-month deep inhale (I'd been waiting for this day since August when I handed the exams in).
Above receiving this letter, and being extremely happy and grateful, this morning's message truly brought this experience full circle. "Do not be afraid, [Zuleka], your prayer has been heard"..."For nothing is impossible with God".
I immediately understood.
God, I give thanks. I publicly share my treasured experience with you, and will not be ashamed or afraid to tell the world from whom my blessings continue to pour. I will pray without ceasing, not just in a stance of request, but also from a posture of gratitude that You are consistently the type of God that You are.
There's much more to come on this journey, and I'm certain many more days of mixed emotions and hard times. I guess, I have to remember not to see the road through my eyes, but through faith in God for whom NOTHING is impossible.
#sooooooooograteful
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Grinding.
7 hours straight in the computer lab...frozen dinners...meetings...brainstorming...I'm on my grind!
I've gotten on myself a few times about not working as hard and as much as I should, so I figured I'd take a minute out to acknowledge myself. Yes, this is the traditional time when most students put the petal to the metal...sorry, I was burning my frozen vegetable pad thai...I digress, but yes, I was saying that I know this is typical crunch time for most, but I acknowledge myself for really pushing myself to take my work ethic to the next level. I know this is what I'm supposed to do, but it doesn't hurt to stop and recognize your efforts every now and again.
Interestingly enough, I recently fell in love with Jay-Z and Kanye's masterpiece, Watch the Throne. Picture me, cleaning the house with my ipod in ear doing the concert jump up and down while blasting Murder to Excellence. I know, gill. Don't laugh at me, I'm just really moved by how much passion and soul I feel through every word and stroke of instrumentation in their music. They've even produced a tune that I use for my Rocky-Balboa moments, when I'm prepping for my academic battles: Who Gon' Stop Me...Huh!
Anyway, don't judge me, I'm just sharing my life! I'm about to go eat this partially burnt meal and read about moral development in adolescence, but I'll share a fav from the album with ya, maybe you'll be inspired to rock out too:
http://rapgenius.com/Kanye-west-murder-to-excellence-lyrics
[Kanye]
And I’m from the murder capital where they murder for capital
Heard about at least three killings this afternoon
Looking at the news like "damn! I was just with him after school"
No shop class but half the school got a tool
And a "I could die any day"-type attitude
Plus his little brother got shot repping his avenue
It’s time for us to stop and redefine black power
41 souls murdered in fifty hours
[Hook]
[Verse 2: Kanye]
Is it genocide?
Cause I can still hear his mama cry
Know the family traumatized
Shots left holes in his face about piranha-sized
The old pastor closed the cold casket
And said the church ain’t got enough room for all the tombs
It’s a war going on outside we ain’t safe from
I feel the pain in my city wherever I go
314 soldiers died in Iraq, 509 died in Chicago
[Verse 4: Kanye]
Yeah it’s all messed up when it’s nowhere to go
So we won’t take the time out 'til we reach the T-O-P
From parolees to hold G’s, sold keys, low keys
We like the promised land of the OG’s
In the past if you picture events like a black tie
What the last thing you expect to see, black guys?
What’s the life expectancy for black guys?
The system’s working effectively, that’s why!
I’ll be a real man and take care of your son
Every problem you had before this day is now done
New crib, watch a movie cause ain’t nothin on the news but the blues
Hit the mall, pick up some Gucci, now ain’t nothing new but your shoes
Sunday morning, praise the Lord
You're the girl that Jesus had been saving me for
So let’s savor this moment and take it to the floor
Black excellence, truly yours
Go have a listen. Enjoy!
P.S.
BTW, the envelopes are in...to be continued...
I've gotten on myself a few times about not working as hard and as much as I should, so I figured I'd take a minute out to acknowledge myself. Yes, this is the traditional time when most students put the petal to the metal...sorry, I was burning my frozen vegetable pad thai...I digress, but yes, I was saying that I know this is typical crunch time for most, but I acknowledge myself for really pushing myself to take my work ethic to the next level. I know this is what I'm supposed to do, but it doesn't hurt to stop and recognize your efforts every now and again.
Interestingly enough, I recently fell in love with Jay-Z and Kanye's masterpiece, Watch the Throne. Picture me, cleaning the house with my ipod in ear doing the concert jump up and down while blasting Murder to Excellence. I know, gill. Don't laugh at me, I'm just really moved by how much passion and soul I feel through every word and stroke of instrumentation in their music. They've even produced a tune that I use for my Rocky-Balboa moments, when I'm prepping for my academic battles: Who Gon' Stop Me...Huh!
Anyway, don't judge me, I'm just sharing my life! I'm about to go eat this partially burnt meal and read about moral development in adolescence, but I'll share a fav from the album with ya, maybe you'll be inspired to rock out too:
http://rapgenius.com/Kanye-west-murder-to-excellence-lyrics
[Kanye]
And I’m from the murder capital where they murder for capital
Heard about at least three killings this afternoon
Looking at the news like "damn! I was just with him after school"
No shop class but half the school got a tool
And a "I could die any day"-type attitude
Plus his little brother got shot repping his avenue
It’s time for us to stop and redefine black power
41 souls murdered in fifty hours
[Hook]
[Verse 2: Kanye]
Is it genocide?
Cause I can still hear his mama cry
Know the family traumatized
Shots left holes in his face about piranha-sized
The old pastor closed the cold casket
And said the church ain’t got enough room for all the tombs
It’s a war going on outside we ain’t safe from
I feel the pain in my city wherever I go
314 soldiers died in Iraq, 509 died in Chicago
[Verse 4: Kanye]
Yeah it’s all messed up when it’s nowhere to go
So we won’t take the time out 'til we reach the T-O-P
From parolees to hold G’s, sold keys, low keys
We like the promised land of the OG’s
In the past if you picture events like a black tie
What the last thing you expect to see, black guys?
What’s the life expectancy for black guys?
The system’s working effectively, that’s why!
I’ll be a real man and take care of your son
Every problem you had before this day is now done
New crib, watch a movie cause ain’t nothin on the news but the blues
Hit the mall, pick up some Gucci, now ain’t nothing new but your shoes
Sunday morning, praise the Lord
You're the girl that Jesus had been saving me for
So let’s savor this moment and take it to the floor
Black excellence, truly yours
Go have a listen. Enjoy!
P.S.
BTW, the envelopes are in...to be continued...
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Role Models
I'se been on the move! Paper writing, test-taking, dissertation topic developing. There's been so much academic action, that I didn't realize how much I've actually been doing until I slowed down enough to think about what's been happening.
Today, after an extensive stats assignment got handed in and a Communities and Orgs examination was finished, I took my handy Starbucks gift card that I got as part of my 2 year anniversary gift, and I bought myself a drank! Yup, big ole' green tea frappacino. In the rain, I walked, uncovered, devouring my delectable, odd-colored reward, and I enjoyed every single minute.
I made my way back to campus this evening for a department dinner which gathered staff and students from varying phases of the PhD process for food and networking. The head of our department took the time to personally prepare us some traditional fare, and we ate and talked about our experiences, sharing questions and tips about making it through.
One thing I can truly say about this experience is that the students from the advanced cohorts really take the time to help us push our way through this experience. They stayed with us for hours after the staff had gone home and offered important tips of self-care, balance, and perseverance.
Although I'd had repeated experiences with them like this before, I was really touched this evening by their degree of thorough support and availability to us as we chart the territory that they've passed through. I truly felt blessed by their kindness and consistent mentorship; hearing their stories helps me strategize, and encourages me to pay it forward.
Tonight, I give thanks for each and every one of them. On the altar I place their names and ask for God's choicest blessings on them, not only for their personal academic journeys, but that their full lives be covered and blessed. Thank you Lord for yet another way in which you continue to provide. Although I'm not here with family and close loved ones, You keep showing me that You have not left me to walk this road alone.
Today, after an extensive stats assignment got handed in and a Communities and Orgs examination was finished, I took my handy Starbucks gift card that I got as part of my 2 year anniversary gift, and I bought myself a drank! Yup, big ole' green tea frappacino. In the rain, I walked, uncovered, devouring my delectable, odd-colored reward, and I enjoyed every single minute.
I made my way back to campus this evening for a department dinner which gathered staff and students from varying phases of the PhD process for food and networking. The head of our department took the time to personally prepare us some traditional fare, and we ate and talked about our experiences, sharing questions and tips about making it through.
One thing I can truly say about this experience is that the students from the advanced cohorts really take the time to help us push our way through this experience. They stayed with us for hours after the staff had gone home and offered important tips of self-care, balance, and perseverance.
Although I'd had repeated experiences with them like this before, I was really touched this evening by their degree of thorough support and availability to us as we chart the territory that they've passed through. I truly felt blessed by their kindness and consistent mentorship; hearing their stories helps me strategize, and encourages me to pay it forward.
Tonight, I give thanks for each and every one of them. On the altar I place their names and ask for God's choicest blessings on them, not only for their personal academic journeys, but that their full lives be covered and blessed. Thank you Lord for yet another way in which you continue to provide. Although I'm not here with family and close loved ones, You keep showing me that You have not left me to walk this road alone.
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