Recently, I came up with a creative and cost-effective way to both decorate my living space and study for my upcoming exams. I figured that I'd print pictures of African-American social work pioneers, frame them, and hang them around my home.
This evening I decided to begin my project. Inabel Burns Lindsay was among the first of the pioneers that I collected data on. Mrs. Lindsay was born in St. Joseph, Missouri in 1900 to a family that believed in the education of their young, in spite of the historical climate that dictated racism, oppression, and inequality. From events in her childhood, one can witness the birth of her spirit of activism in response to personal and familial challenges; the fire of her life was the perfect inspiration for her development as a prominent voice and advocate for the provision of adequate and quality public welfare services to people of color. Mrs. Lindsay's contributions spanned several populations including the elderly.
In the 1940's, in spite of gender inequities, Mrs. Lindsay, became the Dean of the School of Social Work at the University I currently attend. She was the first woman to hold such a position at a co-educational school in Washington, DC. She carried this institution through to successful accreditation and she advocated for the desegregation of field placements. Her actions consistently reflected her commitment to quality service in the social work profession, and her personal investment in being a leader for burgeoning professionals. Her adamant stance on including a socio-cultural perspective when assessing the lives and challenges of human beings is reflected in the Black Perspective framework that outlines the tenets influencing the course of study in which I am currently enrolled.
Of course her pure acts of human service were not met without adversity; she was accused of being a communist and subjected to federal scrutiny because of her convictions and practices. But she was definitely not deterred from her calling. Even in her retirement, she worked, continually taking on issues that she felt stood in the way of this world being a safe place for all. An article on her described her service, stating that "she just [couldn't] quit helping people".
While my initial thought was to question why I wasn't introduced to her in foundation courses in my master's program, I then considered the proactive dimension of Mrs. Lindsay's character. She didn't wait on others to make sure she got what she needed; she created paths where there were none. As I prepare to mount her picture on my walls, I will consistently honor her legacy and contribution to my life; I will be sure, however, not to let her lessons and inspiration live inside the frame.
(In case you want to read more check out this article by some of my professors http://aff.sagepub.com/content/23/4/363.full.pdf)
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Live from the heart of your self & Use your light to carry the world!
Okay, I confess. My summer schedule has been held up for the past few days. I'd blocked out the afternoon hour of 4pm to watch the final three Oprah shows (my momma didn't have to call me this time; I was front and center, and calling her to make sure she was tuned in!).
The first two days were more celebratory; several people gathered to perform and express their love and gratitude. While the tears were readily accessible, the upbeat music and jokes helped to simmer the intense emotionality of the event. I felt the well, however, as the 415 men that she provided Morhouse scholarships for filled the room and provided a touching example of the extent of Oprah's impact. While I've known the controversy, and have participated in some aspects of the criticism, I totally felt pure love and delight at the idea of being able to really see how much this brown woman has done.
And then, today, I watched intently; I think some part of my psyche was in denial, trying not to register the reality of this being the final show.
Beautifully dressed in her pink ensemble, Oprah stood before us and spoke straight from her heart. A few things directly registered:
Hopefully, when I prepare to take my final bow, I can do it with such pride, such elegance, such gratitude, and such grace. Thankfully, as reminded today, I can orchestrate the path to this level of fulfillment, wholeness, and completion.
Thank you Oprah for what you have transparently shared, taught, and done in the lives of soooooo many. You are a brilliant reminder of the magnificence of God!
Until we meet again!
The first two days were more celebratory; several people gathered to perform and express their love and gratitude. While the tears were readily accessible, the upbeat music and jokes helped to simmer the intense emotionality of the event. I felt the well, however, as the 415 men that she provided Morhouse scholarships for filled the room and provided a touching example of the extent of Oprah's impact. While I've known the controversy, and have participated in some aspects of the criticism, I totally felt pure love and delight at the idea of being able to really see how much this brown woman has done.
And then, today, I watched intently; I think some part of my psyche was in denial, trying not to register the reality of this being the final show.
Beautifully dressed in her pink ensemble, Oprah stood before us and spoke straight from her heart. A few things directly registered:
Live from the heart of your self
Know you are worthy of the life you were created for
Take responsibility for the energy you bring into the spaces you enter
Use your light to carry the world
Hopefully, when I prepare to take my final bow, I can do it with such pride, such elegance, such gratitude, and such grace. Thankfully, as reminded today, I can orchestrate the path to this level of fulfillment, wholeness, and completion.
Thank you Oprah for what you have transparently shared, taught, and done in the lives of soooooo many. You are a brilliant reminder of the magnificence of God!
Until we meet again!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
I said "Yes"!
Yesterday, my classmate sent me a text inviting me to attend church with her. In that moment, I realized that I have such a "no" reflex, especially to trying out new things, or to going places and doing things where I already have preconceived notions about how it's not going to be my cup of tea. Well, I surprised myself as I replied "yes" without hesitation. Although I had already had a vision for a household chores and homework Sunday, I allowed myself to be open to the invitation to have my day worked out in a way that I hadn't anticipated.
This morning, I got up, intent on being on time! Now, that's even a major thing for me, because I have a reputation for being late. I planned out my morning so that I had enough time to do what I said I was going to do (integrity). While maintenance on the trains made me 2 minutes late, we arrived just on time for the beginning of the service.
I walked in to a very foreign environment considering my history of religious experiences. In a dance studio in the Columbia Heights section of DC, people of different backgrounds had convened for worship. With each step, I got acclimated to the culture of the environment. The table for name tags was my first stop. I neatly markered in my first name on the familiar rectangular sticker and joined the crew of others who'd done the same; with my eyes, I perused the room and got introduced to the congregants without even uttering a word. Shortly after we arrived at our seats, the service began. I didn't know what to expect.
I took notice of how much at ease I was in unfamiliar territory. I didn't allow myself to judge or be nervous, I actually just surrendered to the moment. There was a amazing crew of musicians who rendered some jazzed up music that helped set the mood. A little into the service, three women stood up to sing; their voices reminded me of the distinct harmony of choirs from my boarding school. I found soul in the moment, and giving thanks for the words projected onto the ceiling, I joined in song.
The service moved forward, but consistently carried this energy of community. Everyone in the room was appreciated for their presence, and for the value that the diversity of their experiences added to the profound common intent of celebrating the greatness of God. There was even a designated moment for sharing, the intent of which was outlined in a section of the bulletin; this segment offered the opportunity for dialogue "about how our ethnic backgrounds have shaped our experience of the world (and God!) --with a focus on listening to our stories and learning about each other". The woman who got up to share happened to be a Howard alumna who spoke profoundly from her life experience, focusing specifically on the birth of her racial identity, and her lifelong commitment to experience the richness of life by "intentionally crossing cultures".
Moving forward with the sermon, the preacher bravely and honestly took on the conversation of sex and marriage. He lyrically drew parallels between the union of marriage and our relationship with God; in particular he shared that "marriage is a living illustration of the way that God relates to people". He shared a movie quote that says "when you make love to someone your body makes promises whether you do or not"; similarly, God offers Him/Her self to us in intimacy, vowing to give of Him/Her self to us even when we're running away. God's offering of Jesus was a way to say "I will give you my all in order to have you".
I thought the sermon unpacked this discussion in a way that I'd never heard or considered. I appreciated what was offered in this conversation, and left contemplating the posed question of: "What does my treatment of sex and sexuality tell me about my relationship with God?". Things that make you go hmmmmmmmm!
I left the church with a joy and peace filled spirit, and an opportunity to check out a high school based youth program where I may find opportunities to volunteer or even work.
Thank you Jessica for sharing this experience with me. It's amazing how much your world can open up sometimes when you just say "YES!".
This morning, I got up, intent on being on time! Now, that's even a major thing for me, because I have a reputation for being late. I planned out my morning so that I had enough time to do what I said I was going to do (integrity). While maintenance on the trains made me 2 minutes late, we arrived just on time for the beginning of the service.
I walked in to a very foreign environment considering my history of religious experiences. In a dance studio in the Columbia Heights section of DC, people of different backgrounds had convened for worship. With each step, I got acclimated to the culture of the environment. The table for name tags was my first stop. I neatly markered in my first name on the familiar rectangular sticker and joined the crew of others who'd done the same; with my eyes, I perused the room and got introduced to the congregants without even uttering a word. Shortly after we arrived at our seats, the service began. I didn't know what to expect.
I took notice of how much at ease I was in unfamiliar territory. I didn't allow myself to judge or be nervous, I actually just surrendered to the moment. There was a amazing crew of musicians who rendered some jazzed up music that helped set the mood. A little into the service, three women stood up to sing; their voices reminded me of the distinct harmony of choirs from my boarding school. I found soul in the moment, and giving thanks for the words projected onto the ceiling, I joined in song.
The service moved forward, but consistently carried this energy of community. Everyone in the room was appreciated for their presence, and for the value that the diversity of their experiences added to the profound common intent of celebrating the greatness of God. There was even a designated moment for sharing, the intent of which was outlined in a section of the bulletin; this segment offered the opportunity for dialogue "about how our ethnic backgrounds have shaped our experience of the world (and God!) --with a focus on listening to our stories and learning about each other". The woman who got up to share happened to be a Howard alumna who spoke profoundly from her life experience, focusing specifically on the birth of her racial identity, and her lifelong commitment to experience the richness of life by "intentionally crossing cultures".
Moving forward with the sermon, the preacher bravely and honestly took on the conversation of sex and marriage. He lyrically drew parallels between the union of marriage and our relationship with God; in particular he shared that "marriage is a living illustration of the way that God relates to people". He shared a movie quote that says "when you make love to someone your body makes promises whether you do or not"; similarly, God offers Him/Her self to us in intimacy, vowing to give of Him/Her self to us even when we're running away. God's offering of Jesus was a way to say "I will give you my all in order to have you".
I thought the sermon unpacked this discussion in a way that I'd never heard or considered. I appreciated what was offered in this conversation, and left contemplating the posed question of: "What does my treatment of sex and sexuality tell me about my relationship with God?". Things that make you go hmmmmmmmm!
I left the church with a joy and peace filled spirit, and an opportunity to check out a high school based youth program where I may find opportunities to volunteer or even work.
Thank you Jessica for sharing this experience with me. It's amazing how much your world can open up sometimes when you just say "YES!".
Saturday, May 21, 2011
The Gandhi Brigade
Finally, I got an opportunity to have a good ole' fashioned weekend! After a fun celebratory dinner with my cohort on Friday night, I actually spent a Saturday marching to the beat of my own drum. I got to enjoy the weather, friends, and community fun; Maryland almost felt like New York in the summertime to me today!
Right downtown, they had an Indonesian street festival and a youth concert. With friends, I got to take in some of the cultural side of the DMV while celebrating the gifts and talents of young people who perform in honor of the spirit of Gandhi. I ended up spending about 6 hours there, when I intended on leaving after two.
I don't have much else to say, but figured I should definitely make note of the days that are simply fun. In the spirit of Gandhi, and the concert, I really feel blessed and at peace. Thank You Creator!
Right downtown, they had an Indonesian street festival and a youth concert. With friends, I got to take in some of the cultural side of the DMV while celebrating the gifts and talents of young people who perform in honor of the spirit of Gandhi. I ended up spending about 6 hours there, when I intended on leaving after two.
I don't have much else to say, but figured I should definitely make note of the days that are simply fun. In the spirit of Gandhi, and the concert, I really feel blessed and at peace. Thank You Creator!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Thank you, Girlfriend!
A beekeeper once told pastor and evangelist, F.B. Meyer, how young bees are nurtured to ensure their healthy development. The queen lays each egg in a six-sided cell which is filled with enough pollen and honey to nourish the egg until it reaches a certain stage of maturity. The top is then sealed with a capsule of wax. When the food is gone, it is time for the tiny creature to be released. However, the wax is so hard to penetrate that the bee can only make a very narrow opening. In fact, the opening is so narrow that in the agony of exit, the bee rubs off the membrane that encases its wings. When the bee finally does emerge, its wings are strong enough to fly. The beekeeper said that a moth once got into the hive and devoured the wax capsules. The young bees easily escaped the capsule but they could not fly.
Choosing an eternal perspective is a spiritual discipline that makes stress yield to God’s peace. Does that mean we will float through each day without facing trials, defeats, enemies or impossibilities? No – but it does mean that the backdrop against which we view those dark moments will be replaced with the truth that there is an eternal purpose in every pain and that is through the struggle out of that darkness that we gain the strength to fly and become all God created us to be – now and forever.
I read this this morning in my daily devotional, Girlfriend's in God, and thought it was very powerful. I wanted to share.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
...and then there's Summer School!
The tricky thing about this academic experience is that even when there's a break, there's no REAL break. After a few days at home in New York, I've returned to jump right back in. For the next two weeks I'll be taking an intensive Qualitative Research seminar, and I must say that, in spite of regular classes being over, this course is not the only thing that feels intense right now.
I'm convinced that sometimes you feel unprepared for the emotional roller coaster of this academic experience. For me, right now I feel like there was this huge anticipation of a sense of relief to come at the end of the semester; my body and mind are struggling to grasp the fact that I will probably not experience this expected sense of reprieve. There's the nervous wait for grades, the unsettled feeling of trying to figure out how to meet your needs after the stipend stops, and the necessity of switching gears to a self-initiated summer schedule that involves continuing to stay in the books and prepare for Qualifying exams in August. All along the way, you absolutely second guess why you're here.
There's this inner tantrum happening for me right now. It's as if I want to be in my own world, where I answer to no one and move at my own pace. Of course, once summer hits, the demands on your time increase as those in your life who understand "summer vacation" in its traditional sense expect that you now have a freedom that classes didn't permit. I intended on joining this 90-day challenge over the summer to continue the energy of the Self-love challenge, but just days in, I had to submit my resignation because I felt like I didn't have the energy to participate in the challenge as it was designed. Because of school I have to prioritize even my summer time differently. I hesitated to tell the organizer and my group about my decision because I felt like I was just giving up. As much as I thought I could just jump right in after school was officially done, I really felt like I was forcing myself to be prepared for something that my body just felt like it wasn't ready to do.
There's this part of me that feels like my insides need to catch up with the reality of my circumstances; while there is an official ending to this first year, my body feels like it's suspended in this weird zone, waiting for some type of closure. It's almost like a bad break up, you just want that one more conversation to make you feel like what you went through has been validated, peace has been made, and you are free to start a new chapter from a place of power. At first I thought maybe I'm just still tired; maybe my body has not been restored from those last few late night pushes to the finish line. However, in talking to my colleagues, many of them are also going through some bizarre withdrawal, emotional confusion, and burnout.
I am not committed to staying in this space, but I just really needed to acknowledge the feelings, let them know, that I know, that they're there. To myself, I acknowledge that where I am in this very moment, is quite alright....but I'm definitely not staying here...especially since I have summer school in the morning!
I'm convinced that sometimes you feel unprepared for the emotional roller coaster of this academic experience. For me, right now I feel like there was this huge anticipation of a sense of relief to come at the end of the semester; my body and mind are struggling to grasp the fact that I will probably not experience this expected sense of reprieve. There's the nervous wait for grades, the unsettled feeling of trying to figure out how to meet your needs after the stipend stops, and the necessity of switching gears to a self-initiated summer schedule that involves continuing to stay in the books and prepare for Qualifying exams in August. All along the way, you absolutely second guess why you're here.
There's this inner tantrum happening for me right now. It's as if I want to be in my own world, where I answer to no one and move at my own pace. Of course, once summer hits, the demands on your time increase as those in your life who understand "summer vacation" in its traditional sense expect that you now have a freedom that classes didn't permit. I intended on joining this 90-day challenge over the summer to continue the energy of the Self-love challenge, but just days in, I had to submit my resignation because I felt like I didn't have the energy to participate in the challenge as it was designed. Because of school I have to prioritize even my summer time differently. I hesitated to tell the organizer and my group about my decision because I felt like I was just giving up. As much as I thought I could just jump right in after school was officially done, I really felt like I was forcing myself to be prepared for something that my body just felt like it wasn't ready to do.
There's this part of me that feels like my insides need to catch up with the reality of my circumstances; while there is an official ending to this first year, my body feels like it's suspended in this weird zone, waiting for some type of closure. It's almost like a bad break up, you just want that one more conversation to make you feel like what you went through has been validated, peace has been made, and you are free to start a new chapter from a place of power. At first I thought maybe I'm just still tired; maybe my body has not been restored from those last few late night pushes to the finish line. However, in talking to my colleagues, many of them are also going through some bizarre withdrawal, emotional confusion, and burnout.
I am not committed to staying in this space, but I just really needed to acknowledge the feelings, let them know, that I know, that they're there. To myself, I acknowledge that where I am in this very moment, is quite alright....but I'm definitely not staying here...especially since I have summer school in the morning!
Monday, May 9, 2011
and just like that.....ONE YEAR COMPLETE!
I write to you having just taken my last exam of this year. I have finished...the first leg of this race, that is. It's funny how when you start something, the end seems so far away. I remember sitting in orientation like it was yesterday. I was nervous as all get out because I had NO idea what it was going to be like to get started in this process. And though it didn't feel like it was flying by while it was going on, I must pinch myself and really reflect on how far I've come.
I'm truly grateful, and although I'm not sure how that last exam went, I feel proud! So, I will take the next few days to regroup, and then plan my summer.
On the altar, I put my prayer request for a summer work opportunity that is flexible and well paid. I pray for receipt of the Minority Fellowship I applied for. I pray for health, wellness, fun and balance so I can return for the next part of this journey well read and rejuvenated, ready for Qualifying exams in August!
I truly believe I can do all things simply because God IS, and because She keeps showing me that it's possible!
Thank You!
NAP TIME!
I'm truly grateful, and although I'm not sure how that last exam went, I feel proud! So, I will take the next few days to regroup, and then plan my summer.
On the altar, I put my prayer request for a summer work opportunity that is flexible and well paid. I pray for receipt of the Minority Fellowship I applied for. I pray for health, wellness, fun and balance so I can return for the next part of this journey well read and rejuvenated, ready for Qualifying exams in August!
I truly believe I can do all things simply because God IS, and because She keeps showing me that it's possible!
Thank You!
NAP TIME!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
If it wasn't for her, there'd be no ME en route to PhD.
Mama, I remember listening intently for the sound of your bangles and the creak of the front door to let me know that you were home. That sound was my nighttime lullaby; when you walked in I could finally doze off safely into the land of my dreams. Your presence is my everything. These days I adorn my own arms in bracelet jewels and shake my hands just so the bangles will dance, making the sweet music that reminds me of you.
29 years ago you transformed your body just so I could be; you worked tirelessly so I could have, and you modeled womanhood so that I could construct my own sense of who I am. Woman, your spirit jingles; brings smiles to my face every time I think of home - that familiar space in the softness of your lap, curled up just like the days before I got here.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO MY MOMMY and to ALL the woman and human beings who create! I LOVE YOU ALL!
29 years ago you transformed your body just so I could be; you worked tirelessly so I could have, and you modeled womanhood so that I could construct my own sense of who I am. Woman, your spirit jingles; brings smiles to my face every time I think of home - that familiar space in the softness of your lap, curled up just like the days before I got here.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO MY MOMMY and to ALL the woman and human beings who create! I LOVE YOU ALL!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Thank you Self-Love Challenge!
As today marks the final official day of the Self-Love challenge, I end with some overdue assignments, but some overflowing growth and gratitude.
My Love Notes: "I am grateful for my fullness of health" & "I am grateful for my commitment to my life"!
Everyday, with every experience, I till my life soil, fertilize my spirit's grounds, and get in position for FULL BLOOM! I'm SOOOOOOOOO in action around my self-love and I'm loving every minute of it.
My Love Notes: "I am grateful for my fullness of health" & "I am grateful for my commitment to my life"!
Everyday, with every experience, I till my life soil, fertilize my spirit's grounds, and get in position for FULL BLOOM! I'm SOOOOOOOOO in action around my self-love and I'm loving every minute of it.
I am We!
Today, I had my final Pro-Seminar Groups class. All I can say is whoa! There were a lot of personality dynamics going, and it was an eerie experience, especially for termination in a class where we were learning about group process. But above all, I really came out of it with a true appreciation for everyone's humanity.
I have been guilty of placing those who assume the position of "teacher" into the category of those from whom I unfairly tend to expect perfection. I want so badly for them to be authentic, thorough, on-point human beings who just got it all together, and can share some of that brilliance and perfection with me in our learning exchange. Well, today, I really got delivered a doctoral experience in the lesson of really honoring everyone's humanity. I truly had an all-around learning opportunity that wasn't validated by any refereed journal article, or extensive research project, but was signed with the seal of excellence from the school of the Master Teacher. (GOD, of course)!
I really walked away from today feeling closure to that class (in spite of the roller coaster of emotion that was tossed around for the past six hours) and able to look at everyone in that experience as group, the leader included. We each brought who we are and what we've been going through into one space and battled it out over the past five months. I believe that accidentally on purpose we ultimately showed up in the end as our raw selves, clothed but only in the beauty of our imperfections, our naked humanity. Our Genesis came divinely at the exact point when we were anticipating Revelations.
I have been guilty of placing those who assume the position of "teacher" into the category of those from whom I unfairly tend to expect perfection. I want so badly for them to be authentic, thorough, on-point human beings who just got it all together, and can share some of that brilliance and perfection with me in our learning exchange. Well, today, I really got delivered a doctoral experience in the lesson of really honoring everyone's humanity. I truly had an all-around learning opportunity that wasn't validated by any refereed journal article, or extensive research project, but was signed with the seal of excellence from the school of the Master Teacher. (GOD, of course)!
I really walked away from today feeling closure to that class (in spite of the roller coaster of emotion that was tossed around for the past six hours) and able to look at everyone in that experience as group, the leader included. We each brought who we are and what we've been going through into one space and battled it out over the past five months. I believe that accidentally on purpose we ultimately showed up in the end as our raw selves, clothed but only in the beauty of our imperfections, our naked humanity. Our Genesis came divinely at the exact point when we were anticipating Revelations.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
6 days and counting!
Today I pulled, "I am intelligent" and "I hold myself accountable for making a difference".
Yesterday I had a meeting with my professor for Cognitive Development to talk about my midterm exam; I put off the meeting until the last possible week, and I walked in with high anxiety, bracing myself for his comments. He started off..."you're a pleasure to have in class, and your test was great. You used the level of critical analysis and thoughtfulness that I was hoping to see. If this were a comprehensive exam, you would have passed".....*gasp! I exhaled something serious and acknowledged how, once again, I shouldn't have to wait for these moments of external affirmation to own confidence in myself as an articulate contribution. I am an open vessel always eager to learn, but I can also OWN the fact that "I am intelligent"; my thoughts, opinions, and ideas are more than good enough. Sometimes you just need the reminder.
I have just submitted my statistics exam and am now one paper and one exam away from the finish line. 6 days and counting!
Yesterday I had a meeting with my professor for Cognitive Development to talk about my midterm exam; I put off the meeting until the last possible week, and I walked in with high anxiety, bracing myself for his comments. He started off..."you're a pleasure to have in class, and your test was great. You used the level of critical analysis and thoughtfulness that I was hoping to see. If this were a comprehensive exam, you would have passed".....*gasp! I exhaled something serious and acknowledged how, once again, I shouldn't have to wait for these moments of external affirmation to own confidence in myself as an articulate contribution. I am an open vessel always eager to learn, but I can also OWN the fact that "I am intelligent"; my thoughts, opinions, and ideas are more than good enough. Sometimes you just need the reminder.
I have just submitted my statistics exam and am now one paper and one exam away from the finish line. 6 days and counting!
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