Occupy...My Momma's front yard!

Today I got a picture message from my mom. At first glance, I couldn't really tell what was going on; it just looked like a huge mob of people. I looked closer, and began to recognize some elements in the picture. The awning covering the door next to my mother's house protruded from the left side of the screen, and what appeared to be the front porch became a bit clearer as I studied the image. While those elements appeared recognizable, I couldn't understand why there were so many other strange things among the very familiar.

I immediately text my mom to figure out what was going on. She informed me that protesters had taken over the block. I was confused. Protestors...on my childhood block...in East New York, Brooklyn...somebody got some 'splainin' to do.

Upon further investigation, I discovered that people had gathered to take a stand against home foreclosures in our neighborhood. Across the street from our home was a recently-vacated residence that used to be the home of a family who is now homeless...well, was homeless...until today. Apparently, the demonstration was about taking back this home so this family would have a place to stay. People marched for blocks through the streets of Brooklyn carrying home furnishings, plants, and the intent to help this family reclaim their shelter.

Shortly after I got the text message, one of my nieces called. I asked her how she was, and if she understood what was happening, and she explained that "some people were outside interfering with her beauty rest". I chuckled, but then recognized the teachable moment. I explained that things aren't always what they seem. We spent the next few moments talking about social justice and the Civil Rights Movement (in 6th grade language of course), and about the importance of the demonstrators taking a stand so that a family could once again have a place to "beauty rest". She engaged me further, and then got off the phone to share what she learned with her siblings.

I later called my mom to check in and she informed me that she couldn't speak because she was getting some water for the demonstrators; I could hear in her voice the excitement of getting an opportunity to relive a moment like the ones she used to tell us about from her high school days. When she was a teen, no high school in New York would enroll her because she had a reputation; she'd been among the students to take over local schools and participate in marches and sit-ins. She was down with some of the early movements to "occupy" for justice.

I secretly longed to be among the crowd. I felt proud about what was happening and inspired again to reflect on my contribution. How will I "occupy" a space in this world that takes a stand for something and someone(s) I truly believe in?

http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/12/06/9254617-brooklyn-home-liberated-by-occupy-protesters-cops-hang-back

http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/12/06/9253196-marching-to-foreclosed-home-accompanied-by-cops

Don't Miss the Beauty Show

Finals mode.

This morning I work up and hurried the start of my day; I cleaned up and prepared to get ready to hit the road for a long bout with the library. I was rushing through my morning routine, and was thinking I'd need to skip reading my Girlfriend's in God message this morning because I have sooooo much to do. But instead, I factored in my commitment to myself to stay grounded in God and start my day off in meditation on the positive.

As always, the divine intervened. The author of today's message described a recent car ride in which she found herself captivated by the array of fall colors manifested in the changing patterns of leaves serving as ushers on her journey. In the back of her car sat her daughter who was enthralled in the capacities of the latest ipad technology. The driver gently interrupted her daughter to share the message: don't miss the beauty show.

As I plan to push through these final two weeks of the semester, and this last stretch of course work, I realize how important this message becomes.

"When we face the stresses of our lists, and our tasks, and our activities, and our heart burdens, let’s commit to remembering that the best present is God's presence. The Creator is our Hope, our Peace, our Joy… our Beautiful" -Gwen Smith.

While I take care of business, I will be sure to not let any books, papers, or deadlines cause me to miss the beautiful.

The Envelopes are in...I just gotta tell somebody, God is SOOOOOO Good!

Every morning I've decided that as a part of enhancing my spiritual life, I would spend time in prayer and doing a devotional, reading from various forms of uplifting texts and messages about God to start off my day. For my last birthday, my big sister gave me a 4 1/2 X 3 1/4 inch blue and black pocket sized marble notebook. In the section where we would usually put our names and class subjects for school, she indicated that this book should be used for prayer requests and gratitude.

This morning, I woke up at about 8:20 am, my second go at getting up for the day (I tried around 7:30 when I got Lawrence's daily "Good Morning" text, but definitely fell back asleep). Committed to getting a lot of work done today, I peeled myself up and got ready for my morning ritual. Today's reading was from the Bible, Luke:1. As I'm reading the text, two lines stand out to me: Luke 1:13 - "But the angel said to him: 'Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard" and Luke 1:37, "For nothing is impossible with God". At the completion of my reading, I went to my pocket-size prayer and inspiration keeper prepared to include these two verses as reminders of the message. I happened to open the book to the last page where I included a prayer to God. This prayer spoke to the anxiety I was feeling regarding the Qualifying Exams scores that we hadn't received yet and the mounds of things on my to-do list that overwhelmed me. My last lines in that prayer were "I put it all before You, Lord".

I guess the Creator knew that the next thing I would write in this book would encourage me to see that I have a testimony, answered prayers.

Last week, I got the email I'd been dreading. The administrative assistant to our department chair sent out notices that our grades were in for the Quals, and could be picked up. My heart skipped a few. I plotted my avoidance. I promptly emailed and let her know that I wouldn't be on campus during the day when they intended to deliver the news, and requested an alternative date, later in the week of course. When Thursday came, I waited to the last possible minute to knock on the door. I knew on the other side was THE ENVELOPE.

After a long day of class, I finally went for it. I built up the courage to knock and go inside. At this point I'm ready...but unfortunately, the person I needed to see wasn't. After all of that, I would have to return the next day. Another night of trembling, I thought.

The next day, I attended a workshop on campus. For nearly three hours, I sat in the same room with the person who would deliver the news about my exams. I kept taking side glances at her, thinking that the whole time, while I was in the darkness, she knew what that envelope said. She knew where I stood, and yet, she responded not at all to my internal dialogue and piercing glances. She simply focused on the presentation. I forced myself to do the same.

Three hours later, I finally had my meeting. In my hand, as I sat to get feedback, I had a envelope that read "Congratulations. We are pleased to inform you that you have successfully passed all areas of the Qualifying Examination Questions". I breathed a sigh of relief that released a three-month deep inhale (I'd been waiting for this day since August when I handed the exams in).

Above receiving this letter, and being extremely happy and grateful, this morning's message truly brought this experience full circle. "Do not be afraid, [Zuleka], your prayer has been heard"..."For nothing is impossible with God".

I immediately understood.

God, I give thanks. I publicly share my treasured experience with you, and will not be ashamed or afraid to tell the world from whom my blessings continue to pour. I will pray without ceasing, not just in a stance of request, but also from a posture of gratitude that You are consistently the type of God that You are.

There's much more to come on this journey, and I'm certain many more days of mixed emotions and hard times. I guess, I have to remember not to see the road through my eyes, but through faith in God for whom NOTHING is impossible.

#sooooooooograteful

Grinding.

7 hours straight in the computer lab...frozen dinners...meetings...brainstorming...I'm on my grind!

I've gotten on myself a few times about not working as hard and as much as I should, so I figured I'd take a minute out to acknowledge myself. Yes, this is the traditional time when most students put the petal to the metal...sorry, I was burning my frozen vegetable pad thai...I digress, but yes, I was saying that I know this is typical crunch time for most, but I acknowledge myself for really pushing myself to take my work ethic to the next level. I know this is what I'm supposed to do, but it doesn't hurt to stop and recognize your efforts every now and again.

Interestingly enough, I recently fell in love with Jay-Z and Kanye's masterpiece, Watch the Throne. Picture me, cleaning the house with my ipod in ear doing the concert jump up and down while blasting Murder to Excellence. I know, gill. Don't laugh at me, I'm just really moved by how much passion and soul I feel through every word and stroke of instrumentation in their music. They've even produced a tune that I use for my Rocky-Balboa moments, when I'm prepping for my academic battles: Who Gon' Stop Me...Huh!

Anyway, don't judge me, I'm just sharing my life! I'm about to go eat this partially burnt meal and read about moral development in adolescence, but I'll share a fav from the album with ya, maybe you'll be inspired to rock out too:

http://rapgenius.com/Kanye-west-murder-to-excellence-lyrics
[Kanye]
And I’m from the murder capital where they murder for capital
Heard about at least three killings this afternoon
Looking at the news like "damn! I was just with him after school"
No shop class but half the school got a tool
And a "I could die any day"-type attitude
Plus his little brother got shot repping his avenue
It’s time for us to stop and redefine black power
41 souls murdered in fifty hours

[Hook]

[Verse 2: Kanye]
Is it genocide?
Cause I can still hear his mama cry
Know the family traumatized
Shots left holes in his face about piranha-sized
The old pastor closed the cold casket
And said the church ain’t got enough room for all the tombs
It’s a war going on outside we ain’t safe from
I feel the pain in my city wherever I go
314 soldiers died in Iraq, 509 died in Chicago

[Verse 4: Kanye]
Yeah it’s all messed up when it’s nowhere to go
So we won’t take the time out 'til we reach the T-O-P
From parolees to hold G’s, sold keys, low keys
We like the promised land of the OG’s
In the past if you picture events like a black tie
What the last thing you expect to see, black guys?
What’s the life expectancy for black guys?
The system’s working effectively, that’s why!
I’ll be a real man and take care of your son
Every problem you had before this day is now done
New crib, watch a movie cause ain’t nothin on the news but the blues
Hit the mall, pick up some Gucci, now ain’t nothing new but your shoes
Sunday morning, praise the Lord
You're the girl that Jesus had been saving me for
So let’s savor this moment and take it to the floor
Black excellence, truly yours

Go have a listen. Enjoy!


P.S.
BTW, the envelopes are in...to be continued...

Role Models

I'se been on the move! Paper writing, test-taking, dissertation topic developing. There's been so much academic action, that I didn't realize how much I've actually been doing until I slowed down enough to think about what's been happening.

Today, after an extensive stats assignment got handed in and a Communities and Orgs examination was finished, I took my handy Starbucks gift card that I got as part of my 2 year anniversary gift, and I bought myself a drank! Yup, big ole' green tea frappacino. In the rain, I walked, uncovered, devouring my delectable, odd-colored reward, and I enjoyed every single minute.

I made my way back to campus this evening for a department dinner which gathered staff and students from varying phases of the PhD process for food and networking. The head of our department took the time to personally prepare us some traditional fare, and we ate and talked about our experiences, sharing questions and tips about making it through.

One thing I can truly say about this experience is that the students from the advanced cohorts really take the time to help us push our way through this experience. They stayed with us for hours after the staff had gone home and offered important tips of self-care, balance, and perseverance.

Although I'd had repeated experiences with them like this before, I was really touched this evening by their degree of thorough support and availability to us as we chart the territory that they've passed through. I truly felt blessed by their kindness and consistent mentorship; hearing their stories helps me strategize, and encourages me to pay it forward.

Tonight, I give thanks for each and every one of them. On the altar I place their names and ask for God's choicest blessings on them, not only for their personal academic journeys, but that their full lives be covered and blessed. Thank you Lord for yet another way in which you continue to provide. Although I'm not here with family and close loved ones, You keep showing me that You have not left me to walk this road alone.

Homecoming...Bah-humbug!

Last week Howard welcomed its annual Homecoming events. I'm not sure if it's just age or school making me anti-social, but I honestly wasn't interested in attending any of it. I hate crowds and am not really interested in spending lots of money on entertainment right now, a sista gotta prioritize.

While I was all set to do business as usual (books, papers, more books), there was a change of plans. Making good on my birthday wishes, my sisters came out to the DMV for the week and coaxed me out of my cocoon and into attending a few of the festivities.

On Tuesday evening I got to celebrate my little sister's 25th at the Poetry showcase where my big sister was actually one of the celebrity performers. After a day of school and meetings, I made it to the Lincoln theater just in time to hear her voice booming through the venue's speakers as I made my way inside and to my seat. It was cool to witness the campus of undergrads and older onlookers mesmerized by her craft. Clean metaphors and hypnotic movements drew the audience to listen keenly to her reflections on life, music, and our roles in much needed healing and global transformation.

A few more poets, Talib Kweli, and one interesting interpretive dance later, we were chauferred to the Washington Embassy hotel for a really fun girls night. Over brewskies (raspberry flavored ginger beer), snacks, and birthday cake, we laughed, reminisced, and helped make memories on my DMV turf.

Later that week we attended other events, including the fashion and step shows. It was an interesting array of performances. I must say though, I walked into the fraternity and sorority showcase with the images of School Daze and Stomp the Yard etched in my mind; I did learn, however, that church shoes can make quite the noise! While I was definitely among the older few amid the sea of high jumping, growling, and skee-weeing young lads in the crowd, MC Lyte was one of the hosts, so I did feel somewhat at home!

At the end of it all, I can't say that I changed my mind about wanting to be a part of the Homecoming madness, but I was truly grateful for my more personal opportunity to have some reminders of home. I had a great time travelling around the DMV with my siblings and inserting family quality time into my hectic study routine. If the alumni and college kids get the same feeling from celebrating their affinity for the University that I got when celebrating the love of family, then I can truly understand and respect all the hooplah and excitement for their version of coming home!

Integrity.

So, a few months back I had an idea. After my week long qualifying exams my colleague and I went to see "the Help". This movie intends to capture the experiences of Black domestic workers during the Civil Rights Era. As the credits rolled on the movie, there was an interesting mix of silence and soft whispers in the theater; people either couldn't pry themselves out of their seats after witnessing the intense subject matter of the film, or they exploded with conversation with their movie partners. There had been a lot chatter, a slew of opinions darting all over the internet capturing people's feelings about their experience of the film and/or the book. After the movie, I was inspired to host a community discussion; I figured we could do a bit better than just throwing out our thoughts, we could actually engage in discussion with one another.

With the support and encouragement of my classmate, I set in motion to organize this event in my living community. After weeks of speaking with the movie theater manager and several community officials about partnering to put on this discussion, things finally came together. I invited the community at large via advertisements in local stores; I sent e-blasts to my building; my cohort member shared information with her networks, and finally, this past Sunday we gathered at Cake Love in Downtown, Silver Spring for the first of the Let's Talk About it Series. About 10 guests joined us for a very powerful, inter-generational, cross-cultural discussion.

There's a slogan on the movie poster for the film that suggests that "Change Begins With a Whisper". As we were planning and putting together an agenda, I realized that that slogan captured the essence of what was transpiring. This all began with a thought that I uttered to my friend, and that I felt compelled to put into action. Change begins with a whisper. Last month, as part of my birthday celebration, I shared with you all that I intended to organize this discussion group as part of my way of giving back. I knew that once I put it out there that I would be held accountable by a larger audience. After the event, I can truly say that this experience helped me process the power of integrity. Doing what I said I would do helped create an opportunity for people to come together for a powerful conversation.

Over the weekend, there were five other women who also kept their word. One of the things that I asked for for my 30th birthday was to have my college sisters to come stay with me for the weekend. This past weekend, the crew came through in full effect. I haven't laughed sooooo hard and eaten sooooo much food in a really long time! God really puts people in your life for a reason; nearly 13 years after we met, we remain valuable and vital parts of each others lives. Over our luncheons and dessert potlucks, we got updated on each other's lives and had classic girl-talk and constant laughs. To top off our weekend we took a midnight trip to the Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial and shared in a beautiful experience, together.

Driving up to the memorial site, a huge statue emerges, unexpectedly, and immediately takes your breath away. I definitely didn't anticipate being soooo moved by this memorial, but the drama of the night lighting hitting the stone and marble fixtures transported me to a place of awe and gratitude. As we walked around, we engaged in conversation with other visitors and talked with each other about how the quotes on the walls spoke to different aspects of our lives. It was truly an amazing sisterly experience.

Yesterday, when they were all packed up in the car and ready to return home, I definitely had a little tantrum in my head. I didn't want them to go! But, the reality of my school journey awaited me in my girls' weekend impacted apartment.

This weekend created many wonderful memories. I will not forget how being my word, and using my words to ask for what I want and need, can invite so much power, love, and happiness in to the lives of many.

If change begins with a whisper, I will continue to create transformation with words, and then put action behind being and doing what it is that I say.

Graduation Day!

Yeah, not mine...my cousin's, but it was just the perfect motivation and encouragement I needed to push forward in this academic process. At the ceremony, there were about five students who got the opportunity to walk across the stage and get hooded, signifying their completion of the requirements for their doctoral degrees; I definitely drifted off into the land of my imagination, just thinking about how great it will feel to accomplish this dream... Soon come!
...

I'm approaching the end of my seven day communication fast, and it's definitely been a journey. While academic obligations made it so I had to amend the original intention to really take the time away from all the noise, I really feel like I had an opportunity to work on two critical relationships; the one between me and me, and me and God.

As I look back over my week, while it was REALLY hard to break routine from speaking with friends, family, and loved ones with whom I regularly speak, I really had to strip down to the bare minimum to truly realize that the greatest relationship in my life makes it so that I'm NEVER alone. I realized how much I can cut out the clutter of everyone else's opinions and confusion, and listen in to my most perfect source of clarity, comfort, and support.

I have to be honest, I was really in a place where I was feeling asphyxiated by fear. I wasn't functioning fully in any area of my life. When you get down to those types of lows, you have a choice of remaining there or finding your way out. I guess every once in a while that valley presents you with the opportunity to choose. Over this week, as I prepared to climb out of the valley, I began to put together some of the pieces of what I've been missing.

What I will share is this, I found that every day of this week I was in a different sort of classroom. My consistent lessons involved building my spiritual base through revisiting who God really is in my life. This curriculum was an intensive on faith and seeing the power of God in all things, even my trials.

Today, I actually did have a sort of graduation of my own. My culminating ceremony, however, didn't happen with me being hooded on a stage in front of a crowd of people at Constitution Hall, but actually happened while I sat in the last row of the Rankin Chapel Sunday service at Howard. From this seat, I gathered lessons that serendipitously helped me conclude this seven-day rite of passage.

Ultimately, I learned that I can bring back my smile; I don't have to smile about where I am, but I can smile about seeing myself beyond where I currently find myself. I can be thankful even when God doesn't change everything in my life; sometimes I can see my trials as complements from a God who trusts that I can be given any circumstance and will still bless the Creator in the midst of my troubles. I know that life's challenges can also be an opportunity to demonstrate perseverance; by faith I can rest assured that God will walk me all the way through these tough times to something good.

While my 7 days are ending, I know that the true test will begin tomorrow. How will I use what I've learned to face the days ahead? How much will I enact and manifest all of the wisdom and power God has shared with me from this point on?

My prayer is that the remainder of this journey will be able to capture how my newly charged spirit will change the trajectory of my life. I now truly know that I have choice in the matter, and I know that I will always have God in the equation.

Detox

And then there are those points when it all becomes a bit much and you must simply stop, and listen inward.

Over the next few days I will minimize my communication and just be still and prepared for God to speak to me. My choice to continue to blog as one of my few means of communication is to have another means to chart the lessons and experiences that transpire during this time as an important part of my life and Phd experience.

My prayer is for clarity, covering, and confident strength to move forward in the direction that God reveals in all areas of my life.

Today's lessons:
Tune in to the peace around you
Be still and know God is God
Release your guard
Anticipate God's best in all things and you'll begin to stop bracing for the worst in all things
There's no right or wrong, just choice

And the Party Continues!

Today after my Stats class I enjoyed a really wonderful surprise birthday lunch organized by my classmates. In the student lounge, my friends and staff from the department gathered to celebrate me turning 30. In the midst of everything that everyone has going on, they thought it not robbery to show their love. I was deeply touched and humbled. Besides developing a new love for Papa John's vegetarian pizza and homemade hummus, this celebration really made me feel like I have family in my home away from home.

This party made my week and topped off the weekend of festivities I enjoyed starting on my actual birthday. On that Friday I began the day at a symposium on children and youth in New York City (yes, I got my birthday nerd on). Besides gaining some good information and contacts, I got to see once again how small the world really is. There were several people I met with connections to Howard, including a former professor and a colleague of my independent study advisor, one person there from my undergrad, another Social Worker whose name I recognized from my classmate's independent study, and a family friend who shared stories of hanging with my relatives back in the day. After the symposium I enjoyed lunch and a neighborhood stroll with Lawrence, and then my traditional family birthday party. The following night I celebrated with family and friends over a birthday dinner in the city, and on Sunday my siblings and I celebrated the 60th birthday of the most important woman in our lives, our Mama! We played Taboo, learned the Wobble dance, and really had a great time honoring the woman who helped make it so that we could be here.

30 has been moving along pretty fast. It's been filled with great celebrations and fun, but also has already meant for taking some serious time to reflect and ground myself mentally, physically, and spiritually. I'm still working on this latter part. In the meantime, I want to give many thanks to everyone who helped me celebrate, to my parents who helped make it possible to have a birthday to celebrate, and above all to the Creator for continuing to grow, birth, and bless me each milli-second for the past 30 years, and for those to come. I'm working on making my every day a party, celebrating and making good use of this gift of my life!

Countdown to a new decade!

It's really just hitting me. In a matter of minutes I will leave my twenties behind and begin the third decade of me. Wow! 30! I must say that lately I'd been too busy with school etc. to really soak it all in, but it's real now! I know many before me have been down this road, and would probably laugh at me for making such a big deal, but all of a sudden it feels like a lot to take in. I was on the bus today overwhelming myself with self-talk; "first there's 30 and then 40s coming fast behind that...". And then in the midst of my rant I got a text from a classmate that helped me adjust my focus. What a tremendous blessing has come in the form of this life, my life.

Many often suggest that we should cherish our every moment because tomorrow's not promised. As I reflect, I thank God for my near 30 years of tomorrows. I pray that so far I've been able to use my existence to reflect God's love. On the dawn of this new decade I truly give thanks, thanks to the Mama and Daddy who created me, and to every single person who has shared some part of this journey with me thus far.

At this moment, 10 minutes from the big day, I welcome all that God has in store. I create continued happiness, love, peace, abundance, and joy! I choose, right now, to live, not just like tomorrow is not promised, but like this moment,right now,is another precious opportunity to birth some aspect of myself that never existed before. What a gift; each second, I am born! God, thank you for creating a space for me to be here, for this past thirty years, and for all of those that are to come.

10 + 2 = 475

The other day I was going through some email, and decided to open an email that was seconds away from being discarded. Towards the end of the message, I discovered an advertisement for an opportunity to volunteer. I decided to seize opportunity number 3 for Be A Blessing month.

This evening, I had the opportunity to join about 10 other volunteers at the 16th Street J (Jewish Community Center) to prepare meals that would be picked up by organizations that provide food to those in need. The leader of the group was a woman with a vision of providing healthy and delicious meals in support of the statewide initiatives serving this population. For about two hours, we chopped fruits and vegetables that were bought and donated by local stores and farmers markets. In the end, we prepared a fruit salad, tossed salad with garden grown vegetables, and a tomato and basil vinaigrette salad, ultimately producing enough food to feed 475 people.

I've just returned home, and am quite exhausted from the long school day and evening activities, but I definitely wanted to document this evening. In such a little bit of time I was able to do something meaningful. I'm definitely looking forward to going back and finding some other opportunities to be a contribution.

But for now, Nite Nite.

First Day...Year Two!

Two classes down, and lots of work to do already. I'm back for my second dose of statistics and the third professional seminar course of the trilogy. This semester, I'll also get to work on an independent study in my interest area and hopefully I'll be taking a class via the consortium at the University of Maryland. Packed semester, but looking forward to it.

Of course, once I was seated in those all too familiar classrooms it felt like I'd never left; summer "break" definitely seemed like a distant memory. But hey, the faster we get started, the faster I get through.

Today, conversations everywhere were focused on the recent earthquake, this morning's aftershock (which I slept straight through) and the looming hurricane Irene; it didn't help that there was a crazy rainstorm adding special effects in the background. It's all a bit overwhelming, but like I said, instead of focusing on fear, I will be prepared and prayed up while I continue to live. I created some goals for this semester that should help focus me and prepare me to really take advantage of this opportunity. I challenge myself to read beyond assignments, and to attend conferences and other events that will augment what I learn in the classroom. I plan to really get myself actively involved in the community in different capacities. I also need to get to know what Professors are around the campus, and plan to set up appointments to talk with Professors in other departments, especially those in my interest area.

An update on the challenge: I got an email from a community official who is interested in talking more about my idea for The Help discussion group. I'll email him back in the morning and prayerfully have something in the works real soon. Tomorrow I'll also make some follow up phone calls about volunteering with adolescents in the community.

I'm looking forward to a solid and positively adventurous semester. I'll let you know next week how the other classes go.

5.8...Why be afraid if you have faith?

Today I was on campus getting forms filled out for class. A little after 1:30pm I met and struck up a conversation with a first year PhD student with an amazing story. He actually had been in the program before, got five years in, and then got deployed to Iraq. Thankfully, he returned safely from service. Unfortunately, he has to start ALL over. As he calmly shared the story, I was inspired by his patience, commitment, and lack of complaint. He is graciously taking the hand that he has been dealt, and simply moving forward. What an example!

Ironically, however, in the midst of our conversation, there was a sudden shake...OF THE WHOLE BUILDING. Our initial thought was that a truck had passed, nudging the ground and forcing things to temporarily shift, but then it continued. The quick building movement became a prolonged building sway. The entire structure of the school of Social Work rocked back and forth before our eyes. Mid-conversation, we were forced to seek safety. Outside of the lab where we were talking, people were slowly coming to the conclusion that we were experiencing an EARTHQUAKE! Some braced in doorways, while others plotted escape. Everyone eventually evacuated the building and the campus was crowded with students and staff, awaiting instruction, trying to make sense of the events, and searching for phone service to contact loved ones. I tried relentlessly to call my mom, at that point thinking we were the only ones to have been shaken up, only to discover busy signals everywhere.

The news began to spread that an earthquake of 5.8 magnitude struck the East Coast. After hours of trying, I finally got a hold of family and friends. Everyone was safe.

Thankfully, my classmate was on campus and was eventually able to give me a ride home.

Just yesterday I called Lawrence because I was feeling weird and worried about a lot of things, including his dad's health. He reminded me that I could spend my time worrying about things I can't change, or relying on faith in a God who can. After getting home today, I took out my prayer rug and just surrendered all to prayer. When I woke up this morning, I had no idea of the turn that this day would take. I'm truly grateful for yet another opportunity to witness God's mercy and grace, and to be here to share the story.

Don't You Set Down On Those Steps Cause You Find It's Kinda Hard

So, feeling a little strange. Just returned to Maryland this morning and preparing to begin classes this week. It's always kind of weird to leave family and friends to return to school. No matter what's going on academically, life is always happening. There's been lots going on at home, and while I've been working on giving things to God, I can't help but want to fix EVERYTHING and make sure that EVERYONE is happy and well. There was a point this weekend where I really had to remind myself to relinquish control, and stop trying to sit in God's seat all the time. But, I'm human, and it's tough to consistently remember to just surrender, and do what you can.

I'm a little anxious, very tired, and a little worried about some family and friends who've been going through health challenges. Into all of these situations, I pray for peace of mind, body, and spirit. A few people have also had loved ones pass recently, I pray for God's comfort and assurance. I trust that God is ever-present and taking care of things as always.

As much as I could wallow in sadness right now, I choose to transform my energy so that the remainder of the week can be powerful and uplifting.

Update on Be a Blessing Week One: today, I spoke with the movie theater manager and the manager of the community center about hosting a community discussion for The Help. They both gave me information for people to speak with to help make it happen, so I'm sending emails to follow up. Will keep you posted on that progress.

This week, I want to focus on adolescents. I plan to attend a screening of this documentary called The MLK Streets Project which follows 10 DC youth who travel and report on the conditions of streets named for Dr. King around the country (http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/188556). I will also contact a local youth agency to inquire about volunteering with their teens, and I will check in with those friends and family who've committed to participating in this effort and see what stories they have to share about making a contribution to the lives of others. I will also continue to make good on my last week's commitment of getting this discussion group going.

When I was little, my mama used to always quote this Langston Hughes poem:

Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor—
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So, boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps.
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now—
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

While I will acknowledge the mixed emotions that I have at this very moment, I will keep climbing, even when life doesn't feel like no crystal stair.

30 days til 30!

So in just one month, I will celebrate my third decade on this planet. At this point in my life, I'm a firm believer in creating the life that I want to live. After this past experience with my week of exams, I awakened a new energy in my life in terms of recognizing my ability to take myself to the next level, and make things happen.

For the next thirty days I will embark on an adventure in being a blessing, and welcoming my blessings. Each week, I will conduct some form of service that will make a difference in the life of someone else. My contribution can be of whatever magnitude I set it out to be, just as long as I do something for someone else.

I've learned of myself over this past year that I am hesitant to ask others for things. I never want to be a burden, and I mainly try to accomplish things on my own. Well, being a student has really challenged my independent woman mantra. Sometimes, you have to ask for what you need, and want. So, for the next thirty days, I will share a birthday wish list with friends and family who are interested in being a blessing to me in this way. This list will include some fun things to keep me balanced and some things that it would be helpful for me to have to start off this second year of school. It will also have room for others to share something with me that they think will be helpful as I enter my new decade, whether it be words of wisdom or anything else they wish to share.

Below, I will include a working list of wish list items which I will update and add links to when I get a chance. I will also outline my first service opportunity.

30 Wishes:
Dinner dates with friends Girls weekend with my Mom
My sisters to come visit me in DC My college girls to come visit me in DC
Money towards text books Gap denim jacket
Mani-pedi at a nice DC spa salon H&M gift cards
Trader Joe's Groceries Mastercard/Gift cards for bills
Multi-color ikea picture frames Weekend trip to Miami
Ikea end tables Beyonce concert tickets
Tall standing Lamps Jill Scott Concert ticket
Wall art for my living room Fun 30th Bday Bash (organized by my Big Sister)
Living room tv Pier One papsan cream fuzzy cushion
Movie tickets Tea Pot
Lion King tickets Singing Lessons
Air Max 95s (the lime green or orange ones) Website developer to create website for my business
Victoria's Secret Pink gift cards Target gift cards
Start up of college fund for my nieces

AND: for 30 friends to join me on my 30 day be a blessing challenge

Be a blessing week one: Last night I went with my friend Jessica to see the Help. We've been talking about it for months and treated ourselves to an after Qualifying exams viewing of the movie. I thought about all the controversy surrounding the book and the author, and figured that the movie could actually make for a great vehicle to encourage women to just talk about our experiences as women, and our interactions with women who are different than us, from a historical and contemporary perspective. So, here's the plan, I will go and speak with movie theater managers in New York and DC about hosting a round table discussion following a showing of the movie. With their support I will organize women to watch and then dialogue. Ultimately, at the end of each discussion, we will come up with a group project which could promote ongoing, open, honest conversations about things that matter.

So, that's what I plan to contribute. I ask that you hold me accountable and join me on this journey. I'm excited about being a channel for blessings and transformation, and about continuing to be blessed. What you put out into the Universe, definitely gets noticed, and returned.

Here's to a fantabulous thirty-me!

In Recovery

I'm not even sure what to say. My body and mind are working to return to normal functioning. The closest I can get you to understanding what I just did is to basically explain that for the past 168 hours I sat to a computer and typed my heart out.

When the first test day finally arrived, after a breakfast of champions, I sat at my makeshift study corner, and I anxiously awaited the arrival of the email with the dreaded questions. 10am came, no test. 10:15, no test. I got nervous, and a little frustrated, because I just wanted to get started...so I could get done.

On day one, I organized myself and made a plan to conquer the exam. I pushed through the first two days in pretty much the same fashion; I outlined and then executed the History and Philosophy section then went to bed at around 12am, but little did I know, those were going to be the better days of this experience.

All I can say is after day three of sitting in my apartment, I started to slowly lose it. By day four, I cried.

Around the midpoint of the process, I couldn't eat, my nerves were shot, and I wasn't seeing my bed before 4am. There was this strange dance between determination and concession; a few times, I seriously thought the test was going to win.

But I pushed through. I realized that the only thing in the way of the other side of this exam was me. Either I was going to do it, or I wasn't.

A few weeks ago, Lawrence gave me a beautiful prayer rug, and every morning during the exam I spent time with God, asking to be shored up with the energy, wisdom, and strength to make it through. Well, I'm here, able to celebrate the victory.

While I would have much preferred to never have to do 10 months of work in a mere week, I definitely learned a lot about myself as a scholar, and a conqueror. I really can proudly say that I fought my way to this finish line with weaponry that I didn't even know I had.

But, no sleep for the weary. In just a few days I'll be back in the classroom working to make it happen all over again; at the end of next summer I'll have Comprehensive Exams to overcome. In the meantime, however, I'm going to allow my body to recover, so it can get ready for the next leg of this journey.

Year two, #leggo!

Make Sure You Don't Go Get Your Nails Did!

Yeah, so at about 5:25am I was awakened by the sound of my brain rattling off an outline for my answer to a section of the exam. Rewind about 9 hours and I was literally forcing myself to conjure up words that I could hopefully type with the one eye that was barely opened. If you would have asked me a week ago, I would not have even been able to begin to imagine what this experience was going to be like.

In effort to get the inside scoop, my cohort member and I sent emails to our professors and spoke with more advanced students about their experiences, enlisting their advice for how to prepare. In one particular email that we got back from a Professor, she literally advised us not to think that we could do this exam while talking on the phone, getting our hair and nails done, or going to the grocery store. My classmate and I nearly keeled over in laughter; did she really think that she needed to advise us, PhD students, not to think that we could go get our nails done while taking the qualifying exams? Really?

Well, I have a confession. Yesterday, in the midst of the third leg of this 7-day race, my body literally shut DOWN! I could not think, could not eat, and truly wanted to escape from the walls of confinement that I'd been a prisoner to for over 72 hours. I really wanted to run to the nearest nail salon and get away from the madness. At the thought, I burst into laughter. It really happened. In my mini-psychotic break the idea of going to the nail shop actually entered my mind; and then I thought, good thing I was warned against giving in to that temptation!

Well, for the rest of the day yesterday I really struggled. I could barely get it together to read the questions off of the page, let alone answer them. But I tried to stick with it, until about 12am when my body literally said: NO MORE!

And here I am, awake before 6am, bursting with ideas of how to thoroughly finish the section of the exam that had taunted me...I chose to blog instead of go straight to work, though! I needed to just talk to somebody!

It's officially 6:10am on Day 4! I will go back to bed until about 7:30am, but I have safely stored my outline in my blackberry so that when I'm fully energized I can get back on my game. Two more sections to go!

All I can say is Lawd, have mercy...no, really, please...have mercy!

P.S. Dr. Smith, as SOON as I hand in this exam, I'm gone get me a pedicure!

Sequestered.

In just about two hours my inbox will receive the long awaited email. This email will contain the list of questions that will make up the Qualifying exams I've been diligently preparing for over the past few months. After reading these questions, I will literally write for the next SEVEN days until I finally walk my responses in to the Dean's Administrative Assistant...and then I wait...for about three or four months before I get them back.

I'm claiming this morning, with God, that I will have a clear mind (well, filled with the material it takes to pass these exams), full health, and complete faith in my ability to be victorious.

My refrigerator is stocked with fruits and vegetables (and frozen dinners -- no not HungryMan...some healthy stuff from Trader Joe's) and I've got plenty of water to keep me replenished. There's a sweet calm in my spirit, and I'm just ready to go!

There's a chance you won't hear from me until next week, but keep me in prayer. I sooooooo look forward to my next entry, on the other side of this experience.

Until then, #LEGGO!

Don't be Anxious...Just be Prepared!

So today, things definitely came full circle. For the past few weeks I've been ceaselessly cramming for this exam. I've been in the library, been in every study room in my building, had my books by the rooftop pool, and even had my laptop in the bathroom (don't judge me, I just didn't want to lose my train of thought)....I'se been STUDYING!

Tonight, after putting my stats book down after 150 pages of review, I heard, loud and clear: DON'T BE ANXIOUS, JUST BE PREPARED! It hit me just now, for the first time this whole summer, that I've actually been in action to prepare myself to successfully conquer these exams. When I posted on facebook about the looming test date, most of the encouraging feedback I got was to simply claim the victory. I can honestly say to myself, that I feel proud about how I've really been committed to working hard; I've sacrificed some things (including getting to see my boo this weekend :(, taking a real vacation, and attending lots of DC's festivities) but I know that my every sacrifice has been a true investment in my growth and ability to be a contribution.

After the intense anxiety and overwhelm of these last few weeks, I can honestly say that I feel a much needed calm, ushered in by the fact that I've been able to acknowledge that I've had my feet planted in a solid stance of preparation this whole time.

God is truly fantastic. Just this morning I read and forwarded this devotional to my classmate:

Are you anxious or fearful about anything? The psalmist found strength and support and joy in God’s love. When we lay down our fears and anxieties before the Lord, His perfect love drives the fear away and breathes joy into our souls

As I put down my stats book, just moments ago, I truly felt the breath of God's joy speak utter calm and confidence into my soul. I will not be afraid, I will be comforted by the fact that God's been preparing for all my needs before they even manifested in Earthly form.

God - I give thanks!
Ashe

Family Reunion: You Might Know Where You've Been, But Don't Always Expect it To Be the Same When You Return

Last weekend I attended a mini family reunion with relatives from my dad's side. My little sister traveled up from Charlotte and we packed into my cousin's car and headed towards Baltimore for part one of the festivities. Family members from the Henderson branch of the crew planned to gather at The National Great Blacks in Wax Museum before heading to the planned barbecue. As we approached the old corner building, I had a nostalgic reaction to my surroundings; I recalled taking a trip to this museum during my childhood. While waiting in the lobby for the remainder of the family to arrive, I anticipated that the museum experience would feel quite familiar in spite of the length of time since my former visit.

Once we paid and commenced the tour, with uncles, aunt, and cousins in tow, it wasn't minutes before I realized that this experience would truly be like the first time. The museum guide started us off with a briefing about the history and intent of the museum, and introduced us to the first items in the exhibit. As he pointed to the wax-figured replicas of slaves being force-fed and brutally abused it was as if the emotional response that welled up inside of me gave life to the images I witnessed...And then we walked onto the ship. Stepping down into the lower deck, my body recalled my experience as a cast member in the MAAFA; as I walked forward I could literally hear the rattle of chains and echo of the tour guide's reminder that our ancestors endured anywhere from 45-60 days of this barbaric torture.

I proceeded through this experience with an attention I don't recall paying to any other museum experience I've had in my life. Being there with family members of different generations made it that much more significant. I watched my older cousin carefully teaching her 6 year old daughter about the meaning of each exhibit, from the middle passage, through lynching, through our contributions to civil rights, our artistry, our entrepreneurial accomplishments, our determination to survive. My uncles followed us closely through the museum and gave life and meaning to what we witnessed in a different way; for many of the items and figures that we saw, they had personal stories to share about their, and my dad's, lived experiences from childhood. Uncle Jim talked with us about the days when they earned meager wages from arduous work picking cotton; it was beautiful to be among these important men in my life, and observe them not take lightly the responsibility of sharing history with us. They unapologetically displayed emotion while providing covering over us as we made our way through this gut-wrenching, provocative, and inspiring experience.

While I will definitely remember the fun of the more traditional reunion festivities that took place later in the day, my re-experience of the museum will really be etched in my mind. When I wish to complain, I will recall the images of those who endured the Middle Passage. When I start to lose motivation, I will remember the legacy of Cripple Caesar, a feet and hand amputee whose sheer determination helped him crawl his way to freedom after being captured several times while trying to escape. When I get hesitant about my call to leadership, I will remember Henry Box Brown who shipped himself from Virginia to Philadelphia in a box which he then used to speak out against slavery. And finally, in instances when my faith wavers, I will recall the image of the two school children who, in spite of being approached by a Klu Klux Klan member with a noose in hand, boldly declared "We are not Afraid".

When I finally returned home at about 2:15 the next morning, I lay in bed and reflected on the day with family. While I absolutely enjoyed the time with my relatives, at several points during the day I was saddened by the reminder of how much I miss my dad, one of my newer ancestors. When I turned over and realized that the normally empty space on the right hand side of my bed was occupied by my little sister, I didn't feel as alone as I might have, and I found some comfort in remembering that my dad was probably there with us all day long.

The Museum of Books!

Thankfully the Library of Congress is a pretty neat place to be. I've spent the last few days preparing for exams in this really cool, limited access book heaven! There's no walking through the stacks in this place; after you make it through airport quality security (I really had to take off my shoes and put them through the x-ray machine today), you've got a few steps before you can actually touch a book from this extensive collection. First, in a separate building, you must secure a top notch library reader id card at the end of a three step process. Once you've been cleared, you can walk through the tunnel to one of two other buildings where the main reading room awaits. Once here, however, you still can't put your fingers on a book until you've completed the request process; either online or in-person, you can fill out a form and pray for your books to actually be on the shelf and not at the desk of another library patron. After about 40-50 minutes, unless you overnight your order, the books can be delivered to you by authorized personnel. It's a pretty fancy ordeal...and a nice change of scenery for attacking the studies.

I've got less than three weeks to get ready to tell these professors everything I know from last year. My thing is, after the academic hazing yall already put me through the first-go-round, if I haven't qualified at this point, I don't know what to tell you. But, it is what it is, and I will be sitting for these grueling exams for five straight days beginning August 8th. Lawd help me!

Until then, I will stay prayed up and knee deep in work. I'll hopefully finish my summer internship on Monday, and begin a year long research position with one of my Professors on Tuesday. Time slows down for nothing!

Until next time, please keep me in your prayers. Before you know it, it will officially be the ribbon cutting for year two. Now only if the whole process could happen this fast!

Party's Over!

I feel like a seven year old being dragged out of an amusement park by big mama with the stern face that comes just before the whooppin; if I don't walk myself out of this park right now and head for the car, I got another thing coming! For the past few months, I've been enjoying a little bit of the ride of summer. I had the honor of going home to cheer on my nieces for their 5th grade graduation, and I got to be there when they returned from Junior prom in their little pink and blue flowered dresses, exhausted from all the excitement, and bubbling with all the stories of who didn't want to dance with whom...Priceless!

Dispersed throughout my time of employment at YSA, I got to attend flea markets with co-workers and explore parts of DC where I'd never ventured. In my discussions with fellow employees, I even learned of an easy way to get to travel to Frederiksburg, VA where my cousin resides. Thanks to this lead, I got to make my way to a Fourth of July celebration with family. All packed into a big, beautiful home, family members from as far south as Savannah and north as Upstate, New York, gathered for birthday cake, bbq, bowling, fireworks (it wasn't us ;)), neighborhood walks (or neighborhood run to avoid being fried by the looming lightning and thunderstorm), sing-a-longs, Walmart shopping (my favorite past-time with my Aunt Kim) and simply the pleasure of each others company (without there being a funeral!).

And then last week, my final scheduled summer attraction, the beautiful wedding of two of my college friends. After scurrying around for months trying to take care of bridesmaid duties, on July 9, 2011, I got to get all made up and participate in one of the most exciting days of a woman's life. From the bachelorette party (;)), to the church, to the panoramic view that enveloped the reception venue, I had a magical time. This mini reunion brought together most of my girls in support of a really beautiful bride and groom!

As I walked away from the photobooth, dance floor, and Wes crew, with my black cake party bag in hand, I slowly felt an eerie sadness in the midst of all the precious excitement. The lights were going out on the biggest ride in the park; it was time to start preparing for my return to all things school related.

In a matter of weeks, I will sit for my week-long qualifying exams. Yesterday, as I took the all too familiar ride to campus for the first time in months, I slowly felt an allergic reaction. Everything inside of me wanted to kick and scream and avoid the unavoidable, but I made my way to the library and began what will be an intense ride to victory.

I was blessed to be able to look back over the past few months and enjoy the memories of good times, good news, and many blessings. On my prayer altar right now I truly surrender worry, anxiety, and fear; I pray for God's covering over my family, friends, those loved ones who need healing and opportunities to help get through some very challenging times, and those like me everywhere who are working towards realizing some dream of their own. I pray a special prayer for my cohort and all that is in store for us with this upcoming year; I pray for news of full funding and to hear that I've received the Minority Fellowship in September. I simply thank God in advance for the way that things are already in divine, right order before I even ask.

As the lights dim on "vacation", I welcome this opportunity to get one step closer to finishing what I've started. I will walk bravely into this phase of my journey, knowing confidently that God didn't bring me this far to leave me.

#letsgetit

Purple Strides...What a Difference a Little Ribbon Makes!

Yesterday, I attended the DC 2011 walk to raise awareness and funds for a cure for pancreatic cancer. I attended in support of some friends whose mother recently passed away from this disease and because of my personal experience with losing loved ones to cancer. Although my father didn't have pancreatic cancer, I felt that I wanted to take the walk anyway in honor of him this Father's Day weekend.

I showed up early Saturday morning to register and as I walked through the purple balloon arch-way, I gathered among a community of people who thought it not robbery to honor, acknowledge, and help support those who've been affected by this disease in some form or fashion. While there were several pictures of loved ones lost and a memorial board filled with messages to people who'd passed on, the spirit of the event was not somber. People were really celebrating the power of life. I took pride in being there.

As I approached the registration table, I prepared to join the line of those who were filling out forms and getting their magic purple shirts, the uniform for the 5K procession. I made the exchange of forms and donation for my purple shirt, and then was offered a purple ribbon from a pile gathered in the table. As I crowned my outfit, I was encouraged to think about how powerful this little symbol was; as this simple loop changes colors it brings awareness to many causes, many heroes, many survivors, and unity. As I contemplated the power of this symbol I was encouraged to think about an experience at work from earlier in the week.

So, as I've told you, I've been blessed with a summer employment opportunity; this job carries with it a title unique to my resume: data analyst. Behind the fancy description, however, what I get to do is read reports on community service projects that young people ages 5-25 engaged in around the world as part of a global youth service day initiative. While I was reading through material for international youth contributions, I came across a project that wowed me. A young girl gathered friends, relatives, and other volunteers, and one simple spool of ribbon to help make a difference. This youth was aware of a woman in her community who needed money to defray the cost of an important surgery; in this situation the young girl saw an opportunity to be bigger than circumstance. From her spool of ribbon, she made 400 simple bows and sold these bows in her village, ultimately raising over $2,000 to support her cause. I was floored. I stopped data analyzing, and simply allowed myself to take in the brilliance of this example. There is no problem too big that we don't have the capability to surmount. There is no one too small to inspire transformation in the lives of others. Sometimes, if we simply choose to be determined to make a difference, we can be victorious by any little ribbon necessary.

I'm Hired!

Being a student is a huge undertaking; you've got to stretch your intellect and your pockets to make it through! This summer I began searching for a way to earn income, and hopefully some type of research experience to add to my resume and enhance the skills I've been learning in the classroom. Last week I interviewed with an organization for a data analysis position, and yesterday I heard the magic words "You're Hired". Thank God!

I'd been praying for an opportunity to present itself that would meet my financial and academic needs. I asked nearly everyone I encountered for leads and even registered to babysit in the community. As always, God came through.

Tomorrow morning, I will head out for my first day of work. My clothes are ironed, lunch packed, and I'm ready to roll. I'm excited and a little nervous, but I'm comforted by the reminder from today's devotional message from Girlfriends in God:

Matthew 21:21-22 I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done

Many times, we won’t take the first step because we’re afraid we won’t be able to make the whole journey.
Don’t wait until you believe it all.
Don’t wait until you can see it all.
Don’t wait until you understand it all.
Step out in childlike faith and put your trust in God.

First day, here I come!

From Whence We've Come.

Recently, I came up with a creative and cost-effective way to both decorate my living space and study for my upcoming exams. I figured that I'd print pictures of African-American social work pioneers, frame them, and hang them around my home.

This evening I decided to begin my project. Inabel Burns Lindsay was among the first of the pioneers that I collected data on. Mrs. Lindsay was born in St. Joseph, Missouri in 1900 to a family that believed in the education of their young, in spite of the historical climate that dictated racism, oppression, and inequality. From events in her childhood, one can witness the birth of her spirit of activism in response to personal and familial challenges; the fire of her life was the perfect inspiration for her development as a prominent voice and advocate for the provision of adequate and quality public welfare services to people of color. Mrs. Lindsay's contributions spanned several populations including the elderly.

In the 1940's, in spite of gender inequities, Mrs. Lindsay, became the Dean of the School of Social Work at the University I currently attend. She was the first woman to hold such a position at a co-educational school in Washington, DC. She carried this institution through to successful accreditation and she advocated for the desegregation of field placements. Her actions consistently reflected her commitment to quality service in the social work profession, and her personal investment in being a leader for burgeoning professionals. Her adamant stance on including a socio-cultural perspective when assessing the lives and challenges of human beings is reflected in the Black Perspective framework that outlines the tenets influencing the course of study in which I am currently enrolled.

Of course her pure acts of human service were not met without adversity; she was accused of being a communist and subjected to federal scrutiny because of her convictions and practices. But she was definitely not deterred from her calling. Even in her retirement, she worked, continually taking on issues that she felt stood in the way of this world being a safe place for all. An article on her described her service, stating that "she just [couldn't] quit helping people".

While my initial thought was to question why I wasn't introduced to her in foundation courses in my master's program, I then considered the proactive dimension of Mrs. Lindsay's character. She didn't wait on others to make sure she got what she needed; she created paths where there were none. As I prepare to mount her picture on my walls, I will consistently honor her legacy and contribution to my life; I will be sure, however, not to let her lessons and inspiration live inside the frame.

(In case you want to read more check out this article by some of my professors http://aff.sagepub.com/content/23/4/363.full.pdf)

Live from the heart of your self & Use your light to carry the world!

Okay, I confess. My summer schedule has been held up for the past few days. I'd blocked out the afternoon hour of 4pm to watch the final three Oprah shows (my momma didn't have to call me this time; I was front and center, and calling her to make sure she was tuned in!).

The first two days were more celebratory; several people gathered to perform and express their love and gratitude. While the tears were readily accessible, the upbeat music and jokes helped to simmer the intense emotionality of the event. I felt the well, however, as the 415 men that she provided Morhouse scholarships for filled the room and provided a touching example of the extent of Oprah's impact. While I've known the controversy, and have participated in some aspects of the criticism, I totally felt pure love and delight at the idea of being able to really see how much this brown woman has done.

And then, today, I watched intently; I think some part of my psyche was in denial, trying not to register the reality of this being the final show.

Beautifully dressed in her pink ensemble, Oprah stood before us and spoke straight from her heart. A few things directly registered:

Live from the heart of your self

Know you are worthy of the life you were created for

Take responsibility for the energy you bring into the spaces you enter

Use your light to carry the world

Hopefully, when I prepare to take my final bow, I can do it with such pride, such elegance, such gratitude, and such grace. Thankfully, as reminded today, I can orchestrate the path to this level of fulfillment, wholeness, and completion.

Thank you Oprah for what you have transparently shared, taught, and done in the lives of soooooo many. You are a brilliant reminder of the magnificence of God!

Until we meet again!

I said "Yes"!

Yesterday, my classmate sent me a text inviting me to attend church with her. In that moment, I realized that I have such a "no" reflex, especially to trying out new things, or to going places and doing things where I already have preconceived notions about how it's not going to be my cup of tea. Well, I surprised myself as I replied "yes" without hesitation. Although I had already had a vision for a household chores and homework Sunday, I allowed myself to be open to the invitation to have my day worked out in a way that I hadn't anticipated.

This morning, I got up, intent on being on time! Now, that's even a major thing for me, because I have a reputation for being late. I planned out my morning so that I had enough time to do what I said I was going to do (integrity). While maintenance on the trains made me 2 minutes late, we arrived just on time for the beginning of the service.

I walked in to a very foreign environment considering my history of religious experiences. In a dance studio in the Columbia Heights section of DC, people of different backgrounds had convened for worship. With each step, I got acclimated to the culture of the environment. The table for name tags was my first stop. I neatly markered in my first name on the familiar rectangular sticker and joined the crew of others who'd done the same; with my eyes, I perused the room and got introduced to the congregants without even uttering a word. Shortly after we arrived at our seats, the service began. I didn't know what to expect.

I took notice of how much at ease I was in unfamiliar territory. I didn't allow myself to judge or be nervous, I actually just surrendered to the moment. There was a amazing crew of musicians who rendered some jazzed up music that helped set the mood. A little into the service, three women stood up to sing; their voices reminded me of the distinct harmony of choirs from my boarding school. I found soul in the moment, and giving thanks for the words projected onto the ceiling, I joined in song.

The service moved forward, but consistently carried this energy of community. Everyone in the room was appreciated for their presence, and for the value that the diversity of their experiences added to the profound common intent of celebrating the greatness of God. There was even a designated moment for sharing, the intent of which was outlined in a section of the bulletin; this segment offered the opportunity for dialogue "about how our ethnic backgrounds have shaped our experience of the world (and God!) --with a focus on listening to our stories and learning about each other". The woman who got up to share happened to be a Howard alumna who spoke profoundly from her life experience, focusing specifically on the birth of her racial identity, and her lifelong commitment to experience the richness of life by "intentionally crossing cultures".

Moving forward with the sermon, the preacher bravely and honestly took on the conversation of sex and marriage. He lyrically drew parallels between the union of marriage and our relationship with God; in particular he shared that "marriage is a living illustration of the way that God relates to people". He shared a movie quote that says "when you make love to someone your body makes promises whether you do or not"; similarly, God offers Him/Her self to us in intimacy, vowing to give of Him/Her self to us even when we're running away. God's offering of Jesus was a way to say "I will give you my all in order to have you".

I thought the sermon unpacked this discussion in a way that I'd never heard or considered. I appreciated what was offered in this conversation, and left contemplating the posed question of: "What does my treatment of sex and sexuality tell me about my relationship with God?". Things that make you go hmmmmmmmm!

I left the church with a joy and peace filled spirit, and an opportunity to check out a high school based youth program where I may find opportunities to volunteer or even work.

Thank you Jessica for sharing this experience with me. It's amazing how much your world can open up sometimes when you just say "YES!".

The Gandhi Brigade

Finally, I got an opportunity to have a good ole' fashioned weekend! After a fun celebratory dinner with my cohort on Friday night, I actually spent a Saturday marching to the beat of my own drum. I got to enjoy the weather, friends, and community fun; Maryland almost felt like New York in the summertime to me today!

Right downtown, they had an Indonesian street festival and a youth concert. With friends, I got to take in some of the cultural side of the DMV while celebrating the gifts and talents of young people who perform in honor of the spirit of Gandhi. I ended up spending about 6 hours there, when I intended on leaving after two.

I don't have much else to say, but figured I should definitely make note of the days that are simply fun. In the spirit of Gandhi, and the concert, I really feel blessed and at peace. Thank You Creator!

Thank you, Girlfriend!

A beekeeper once told pastor and evangelist, F.B. Meyer, how young bees are nurtured to ensure their healthy development. The queen lays each egg in a six-sided cell which is filled with enough pollen and honey to nourish the egg until it reaches a certain stage of maturity. The top is then sealed with a capsule of wax. When the food is gone, it is time for the tiny creature to be released. However, the wax is so hard to penetrate that the bee can only make a very narrow opening. In fact, the opening is so narrow that in the agony of exit, the bee rubs off the membrane that encases its wings. When the bee finally does emerge, its wings are strong enough to fly. The beekeeper said that a moth once got into the hive and devoured the wax capsules. The young bees easily escaped the capsule but they could not fly.

Choosing an eternal perspective is a spiritual discipline that makes stress yield to God’s peace. Does that mean we will float through each day without facing trials, defeats, enemies or impossibilities? No – but it does mean that the backdrop against which we view those dark moments will be replaced with the truth that there is an eternal purpose in every pain and that is through the struggle out of that darkness that we gain the strength to fly and become all God created us to be – now and forever.

I read this this morning in my daily devotional, Girlfriend's in God, and thought it was very powerful. I wanted to share.

...and then there's Summer School!

The tricky thing about this academic experience is that even when there's a break, there's no REAL break. After a few days at home in New York, I've returned to jump right back in. For the next two weeks I'll be taking an intensive Qualitative Research seminar, and I must say that, in spite of regular classes being over, this course is not the only thing that feels intense right now.

I'm convinced that sometimes you feel unprepared for the emotional roller coaster of this academic experience. For me, right now I feel like there was this huge anticipation of a sense of relief to come at the end of the semester; my body and mind are struggling to grasp the fact that I will probably not experience this expected sense of reprieve. There's the nervous wait for grades, the unsettled feeling of trying to figure out how to meet your needs after the stipend stops, and the necessity of switching gears to a self-initiated summer schedule that involves continuing to stay in the books and prepare for Qualifying exams in August. All along the way, you absolutely second guess why you're here.

There's this inner tantrum happening for me right now. It's as if I want to be in my own world, where I answer to no one and move at my own pace. Of course, once summer hits, the demands on your time increase as those in your life who understand "summer vacation" in its traditional sense expect that you now have a freedom that classes didn't permit. I intended on joining this 90-day challenge over the summer to continue the energy of the Self-love challenge, but just days in, I had to submit my resignation because I felt like I didn't have the energy to participate in the challenge as it was designed. Because of school I have to prioritize even my summer time differently. I hesitated to tell the organizer and my group about my decision because I felt like I was just giving up. As much as I thought I could just jump right in after school was officially done, I really felt like I was forcing myself to be prepared for something that my body just felt like it wasn't ready to do.

There's this part of me that feels like my insides need to catch up with the reality of my circumstances; while there is an official ending to this first year, my body feels like it's suspended in this weird zone, waiting for some type of closure. It's almost like a bad break up, you just want that one more conversation to make you feel like what you went through has been validated, peace has been made, and you are free to start a new chapter from a place of power. At first I thought maybe I'm just still tired; maybe my body has not been restored from those last few late night pushes to the finish line. However, in talking to my colleagues, many of them are also going through some bizarre withdrawal, emotional confusion, and burnout.

I am not committed to staying in this space, but I just really needed to acknowledge the feelings, let them know, that I know, that they're there. To myself, I acknowledge that where I am in this very moment, is quite alright....but I'm definitely not staying here...especially since I have summer school in the morning!

and just like that.....ONE YEAR COMPLETE!

I write to you having just taken my last exam of this year. I have finished...the first leg of this race, that is. It's funny how when you start something, the end seems so far away. I remember sitting in orientation like it was yesterday. I was nervous as all get out because I had NO idea what it was going to be like to get started in this process. And though it didn't feel like it was flying by while it was going on, I must pinch myself and really reflect on how far I've come.

I'm truly grateful, and although I'm not sure how that last exam went, I feel proud! So, I will take the next few days to regroup, and then plan my summer.

On the altar, I put my prayer request for a summer work opportunity that is flexible and well paid. I pray for receipt of the Minority Fellowship I applied for. I pray for health, wellness, fun and balance so I can return for the next part of this journey well read and rejuvenated, ready for Qualifying exams in August!

I truly believe I can do all things simply because God IS, and because She keeps showing me that it's possible!

Thank You!

NAP TIME!

If it wasn't for her, there'd be no ME en route to PhD.

Mama, I remember listening intently for the sound of your bangles and the creak of the front door to let me know that you were home. That sound was my nighttime lullaby; when you walked in I could finally doze off safely into the land of my dreams. Your presence is my everything. These days I adorn my own arms in bracelet jewels and shake my hands just so the bangles will dance, making the sweet music that reminds me of you.

29 years ago you transformed your body just so I could be; you worked tirelessly so I could have, and you modeled womanhood so that I could construct my own sense of who I am. Woman, your spirit jingles; brings smiles to my face every time I think of home - that familiar space in the softness of your lap, curled up just like the days before I got here.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO MY MOMMY and to ALL the woman and human beings who create! I LOVE YOU ALL!

Thank you Self-Love Challenge!

As today marks the final official day of the Self-Love challenge, I end with some overdue assignments, but some overflowing growth and gratitude.

My Love Notes: "I am grateful for my fullness of health" & "I am grateful for my commitment to my life"!

Everyday, with every experience, I till my life soil, fertilize my spirit's grounds, and get in position for FULL BLOOM! I'm SOOOOOOOOO in action around my self-love and I'm loving every minute of it.

I am We!

Today, I had my final Pro-Seminar Groups class. All I can say is whoa! There were a lot of personality dynamics going, and it was an eerie experience, especially for termination in a class where we were learning about group process. But above all, I really came out of it with a true appreciation for everyone's humanity.

I have been guilty of placing those who assume the position of "teacher" into the category of those from whom I unfairly tend to expect perfection. I want so badly for them to be authentic, thorough, on-point human beings who just got it all together, and can share some of that brilliance and perfection with me in our learning exchange. Well, today, I really got delivered a doctoral experience in the lesson of really honoring everyone's humanity. I truly had an all-around learning opportunity that wasn't validated by any refereed journal article, or extensive research project, but was signed with the seal of excellence from the school of the Master Teacher. (GOD, of course)!

I really walked away from today feeling closure to that class (in spite of the roller coaster of emotion that was tossed around for the past six hours) and able to look at everyone in that experience as group, the leader included. We each brought who we are and what we've been going through into one space and battled it out over the past five months. I believe that accidentally on purpose we ultimately showed up in the end as our raw selves, clothed but only in the beauty of our imperfections, our naked humanity. Our Genesis came divinely at the exact point when we were anticipating Revelations.

6 days and counting!

Today I pulled, "I am intelligent" and "I hold myself accountable for making a difference".

Yesterday I had a meeting with my professor for Cognitive Development to talk about my midterm exam; I put off the meeting until the last possible week, and I walked in with high anxiety, bracing myself for his comments. He started off..."you're a pleasure to have in class, and your test was great. You used the level of critical analysis and thoughtfulness that I was hoping to see. If this were a comprehensive exam, you would have passed".....*gasp! I exhaled something serious and acknowledged how, once again, I shouldn't have to wait for these moments of external affirmation to own confidence in myself as an articulate contribution. I am an open vessel always eager to learn, but I can also OWN the fact that "I am intelligent"; my thoughts, opinions, and ideas are more than good enough. Sometimes you just need the reminder.

I have just submitted my statistics exam and am now one paper and one exam away from the finish line. 6 days and counting!

Orange you feeling a little Blue.

12 days and counting until I put the finishing touches on this first year. I've stepped it up a notch in terms of studying so that I can finish strong; spent a few days in the local coffee shop cranking out assignments and preparing for this final paper. I can honestly say I'm proud of myself and my commitment to this experience.

As I'm sure I've said before, it has not gone without some sacrifice, sweat, and tears, and a challenging battle with factoring in academic obligations often over and above people and things that mean a lot to me.

I write to you now a little sour after just getting off the phone with my boyfriend who is celebrating his 29th birthday today...IN NEW YORK! My heart sunk as I heard the background noise of those who love him gathered at his home to celebrate. I wanted badly to be there. Anticipating the mounds of work between me and this finish line, I had to trade being in New York today with being here in the books. While I got to celebrate with him and my family on Saturday in New York, it just didn't feel the same.

I tried to snap my self out of my moment of sadness by going to the self-love jar; I pulled out "orange" and "I am grateful for my intellect". A few days ago I decided to put "Orange" in the jar with the hope of making myself laugh at a time when I could use a little chuckle. I'm thankful for the universe serenading me with its quick wit while giving me encouragement for school as well.

In celebration of Lawrence, I've come up with a few words to demonstrate my gratitude for his birth and life:

You are proof that the Universe is listening intently to the soft-spoken requests of my spirit. You have partnered with me in expanding my understanding of some of the ways that God has made love available for our feeling pleasure. You have created a context for my comprehension of the work ethic; we have diligently toiled using the tools of our hearts to build the foundation upon which our union stands. I am proud to look up at what we’ve nurtured. I give thanks for the ways that your life has enhanced mine, and for the opportunity to do the same for yours. Lawrence Miner, Jr., I’m happy to have you and to celebrate your day of birth; HAPPY BORN-DAY! LOVE YOU TONS!

Happy Birthday Babe! I really wish I was home!

Mama Knows Best....So LISTEN UP and act accordingly!

For the past few months, my mom has been calling nearly everyday around the 4 O'Clock hour to tell me to watch the Queen of this television timeslot. I've recently been timing my phone calls to her, knowing that if I call from 4-5 or 7-8, it's likely that I won't get her full attention because she's intently tuned in. Tuesday, around 4:30pm, I saw her name light up the screen of my cell phone. En route home from the grocery, I answered anticipating the direction of the conversation: "Are you in front of a tv? Turn on Oprah. This episode is so profound"; when I picked up, she fulfilled my expectation. Typically, I must admit, I do not heed her suggestion without having a conversation with myself about how it can't be any more powerful than what she told me to watch the last time. This time, however, I silenced my childish backtalk and tuned in.

Oprah interviewed several people who at some point in their lives asked themselves "What's wrong with this world and what will I do about it?". As I listened to their heartwarming testimonies of supporting powerful transformation in the lives of others, I was encouraged to recharge purpose in my life. I thought about how my commitment to making a difference in the lives of teens globally brought me to this point; every sleepless night and anthology long paper is part of laying the groundwork to make this happen.

In addition to my longer-term goals, it also encouraged me to find ways to actively be a contribution right now. I definitely need to create more opportunities to work with youth here in DC, so that I will consistently be in action around my purpose.

This morning, when I set out the door, I created my day with God and everything that we spoke about manifested; from the public transportation I needed meeting me right on time, to receiving a phone call about being able to get a ride to and from New York this weekend, to getting an extension on unfinished Statistics homework, it all came together, back, to back, to back. As I was giving thanks, I thought about the power of the word and of manifesting what I want in my life. As as result, I decided that I needed to re-charge my self-love jar. The cutesy notes weren't sending me off into my day powerfully. So I amped up my self-love and encouragement, pulling "I am holistic wellness" and "I AM A MASTER CREATOR".

Right now, I feel sleepy, but still charged to push forward. A little listening to mama definitely set off a series of serendipitous events. Our parents are definitely our parents for a reason.

The Finish Line is Near...Get the Dumpster Ready!

So, it's just about three weeks before I actually complete my first year of school. Wow, as I typed that I realized how time really flies! I'm one paper and two exams away from my Rudy Huxtable victory dance in the end-zone. I can taste it (TWSS...Lawrence!)

Of late, one thing that has really been working out for me is having the courage to make the conscious choices I've been making to transform my relationship to my life, my goals, and my experiences. While the past few weeks have definitely been a roller coaster in terms of drastically fluctuating emotions and energy, I acknowledge that during the times when I took the reigns, I pushed my way through. Right now, as I write this, I feel quite peaceful. I spent the morning at a coffee shop working on my final paper then came home and got to work on an overdue activity from the challenge.

Yesterday's challenge was to clean up my space, so today, I restored my integrity and made good on my commitment, well, sort of. While I was "cleaning" I realized how much I hold on to "stuff". When I actually get to "cleaning up", I mainly end up transferring things from one place to another instead of letting go of unnecessary junk. While, today's "clean-up" wasn't necessarily the beginning of an improvement on this (ironically, I got too tired to finish the job thoroughly ;)), it was helpful to pause and put that revelation into perspective. While shifting things in your life is good sometimes, sooner or later you really realize that shifting isn't always good enough. I accept that I need to release some things, including old habits, to make room for the happiness and abundance that I am currently prepared for.

As I looked around at the space that I was "re-arranging", I acknowledged how much my space is void of my creativity and personal touch. Currently, my story about finances has been running the show; poverty consciousness has successfully served as my excuse for not making my apartment feel as welcoming and inspiring as I would like. Underneath that excuse, however, is the mantra that runs in the background of my life about me not being as creative as others, not having the innate vision for knowing how to make things look good, and ultimately, the misconception of not being good enough. What I'm grateful for in this very moment, however, is that, right now, I'm actively identifying the "real" junk that I've been transferring from place to place, so I can get in action around throwing it out...FOR GOOD!

Divinely, today's note from the "I AM" jar is "I am grateful for my resourcefulness"; I commit to using this gift to garner the me-power to take out the trash and make room for the treasures.

Self-Love Challenge Day 2: I am grateful for my emergent vulnerability!

The idea of being the "good girl" has run most of my life, especially early childhood. From young, I established this way of being that was very dependent on other people's perceptions of who and how I was; I was most often energized by people perceiving me as pure, wholesome, nice, sweet, intelligent...all things "good". At the time, to me this ensured favorable treatment and good relationships with others, especially when compared to those around me who more boldly expressed their opinions, took risks, and dabbled in all things taboo. What I've discovered is that this pattern began laying the foundation for the way that I experienced my life and myself; I placed boundaries around the extent to which I would be able to get to know and explore anything "outside the box", and thus made the journey to figuring out my "I AM" that much more complex. I grew very dependent on other people to set the tone for who I was and who I could become.

When I became interested in establishing my voice and really exploring my identity, I engaged in a dance with vulnerability. Of late, I can honestly say that I've been way more comfortable with bringing my raw self to my interactions with others. Today, my strip from the "I Am" jar, encouraged me to celebrate this emerging quality. Just this week, I experienced myself initiating calls to ask to be listened to and supported in times of real sadness, confusion, and overwhelm. In class today, I watched myself speak more honestly about my appraisal of the dynamics of my cohort and our group process, saying things that I would have otherwise kept to myself to avoid offending others or inciting conflict. One of the messages that I got very clearly from this experience is that I can "powerfully move polite out of the way" in order to truly energize my life, my relationships, and my leadership. I celebrate myself for really getting to a place where I can give the "good girl" a rest in order to bring my true self to life -- as I typed that, I just felt a physical sensation of freedom!

30-Day Self-Love Challenge: Day 2

Today I started a very much needed 30-day self-love challenge with a powerful and amazing group of women and men from around the country. I'm excited about this effort to actively take charge in my life and be a stand for my own joy, balance, and powerful transformation. It's been very stressful lately, so it'll definitely be helpful to participate with a community of people who are committed to choosing and loving themselves.
Out of the self-love jar that I created as part of my challenge, I pulled "I am grateful for my genuinely loving and nurturing spirit"; I LOVE THE WAY I LOVE.

Right now, I commit to continuing to open my self up to loving and being loved...now I gotta go love some sleep so I can get my stats done and get to class on time.

Love you,
I'll keep you posted about how the challenge progresses.

Special Delivery!

On April Fools Day, instead of tricked, I got treated to a surprise bouquet of beautiful yellow and white flowers, "just because".
Thanks Law! ;)

And then there's those days again...

...when you are forced to look at how this choice produces a ripple effect in your life. #sighs!

RECESS!

They say home is where the heart is, so I've spent a few weeks following my heart around the country. First, (about four weeks ago now), the Megabus chariot took me to the foundation; fresh off the double-decker coach, I inhaled the stench of the familiar fast-paced life that lets me know I'm home. I was met by the always comforting face and arms of Lawrence and later got to enjoy the inside jokes and love of the Clinton-Henderson crew. We celebrated the beautiful 11 years we've had the blessing of knowing my twin nieces and caught up on severely missed hugs and kisses. There's no place like home. I reluctantly returned to school to finish up a week and a half of classes, and anxiously awaited the sweet sounds of the bells announcing SPRING BREAK!

...let's not talk about the dreaded 10 hour greyhound bus ride where a guy named Rambo tried to share his pillow with me and encourage me not to become alarmed at the sight of his wedding band because his wife was dead.....

And then I was in Charlotte! Welcomed by the half-sleep smiles of my baby sister who did the unthinkable and woke up before 8AM on a SATURDAY to pick me up from the bus station (to which I arrived nearly an hour late!). To start off the trip I did the most un-vegetarian thing thinkable and had her take me to Bojangles so I could sink my teeth into a deliciously buttery biscuit; I tried hard to deny the contents of the delectable treat and simply ride the high of the savory memory of childhood visits to the since closed Queens location of this establishment where my father used to take us to for Chicken littles after business at the Black Spectrum theater....mmmm, sooooo good, but ohhhh sooooo bad! The remainder of the stay rode the wave of this high; we shopped, had sister spats, and toured her new home. I was excited and proud to spend this time with her and see the life she created all from a vision of a chance at a new beginning.

After three awesome days with my munchkin, I flew to Tallahassee for a reunion with my college girls. Here I got to live it up while reconnecting with women who have become such an integral part of my life. In a matter of 6 days, I got introduced to EVERYTHING TWILIGHT, melt-in-your-mouth beignets, poolside paradise, the sharp teeth of alligators, and to the stark reality....that I'm definitely not a card carrying member of the 'young" crowd! To capture the fun and reality checks I'll let you in on a little list that surfaced as a result of this trip:

Top 40 Ways You Find Out You're Old On Spring Break --
(some are inside jokes)

1. You get excited once you arrive to your lodging and it looks like a retirement community.
2. You debate over the age-appropriateness of 13 yr old girls watching Bella and Edward embrace in passionate kissing.
3. You don’t make it pass the warm up of the West African Dance class.
4. You arrive and begin to ask your host about good elementary schools and real estate.
5. When your girlfriends come over, you teach them how to quilt.
6. When your spa pedicure calf wrap reminds you of icy hot.
7. After eating a big Cajun brunch, you demonstrate to your girls how you now have to assume a special position in order to burp.
8. You stopped at the store for two six packs of ginger ale; one organic brew.
9. You cruise the town on wheels that have a car seat and family bike rack attached; you need a parking lot traffic controller to help you park and tell you when your bike rack is cleared for landing.
10. You request to ride in the back seat so you can watch Eat, Pray, Love with the children’s headphones.
11. You pass the mall and request a trip to the Good Will store; you can point out items on your person that you got from the Good Will fall collection.
12. You take a midnight trip to Target for flip flops after you’ve informed the group that you “need to take off your Mary Janes”.
13. You opt to go to a place called “Wakulla Springs” 30 min away to take a boat tour down a river to see plants, trees, alligators, turtles, and birds instead of driving 2.5 hours to a pristine blue water beach.
14. You want to buy a walking stick from the souvenir shop.
15. You pack homemade popcorn in little sandwich bags and soy ice cream sandwiches to take with you poolside.
16. You admire the porcelain fixtures at the pool area and envision them in your future family home.
17. Instead of swimming, you sit at the pool with your homegirl and spark a conversation about whether or not anyone’s invented beach chair pillows.
18. When you invoke democratic principles to decide whether or not to go to the club.
19. You try to override the suggestion to go to the club by suggesting a late night game of Taboo.
20. You blow out the candles on your birthday cake and then you and your girls take a nap before heading out to the “grown and sexy night” at the local club.
21. You think that the “grown and sexy night” at the local hot spot is for distinguished 30 and above professionals.
22. You didn’t pack club shoes in your Spring Break luggage so you went to the party in the flats you planned on wearing to Sunday worship service.
23. You try to encourage your girls to wear Depends to the club so they don’t have to go to the bathroom.
24. Instead of showing skin, you walk through the club holding your sweater closed tight around your neck and ensure that it fully covers your bottom simultaneously.
25. Instead of “E”, you and your girls pop Eclipse breath mints en route to the car.
26. You bring pashmina scarves in case it’s an air conditioned night spot.
27. Before you enter the club, you huddle to discuss the prime standing locations to accommodate your fear of strange people in crowded spaces and identify exit strategies
28. The bouncer at the club loudly announces that he needs to see the “duffle bag” you’ve brought to the club as your party purse.
29. People keep running into your bright red “mom bag” on the way to the bar.
30. You walk the room in search of seats for you and your crew to cop a squat for the remainder of the evening.
31. You immediately talk about whose momma should beat them once you sit comfortably in your club chairs.
32. You want to tap the brolic gentlemen standing in front of your club seats and request that they put out the weed and cigarettes so the odor doesn’t seep into your hair and clothes.
33. You almost choke on your cranberry juice and sprite on the rocks at the sudden onset of the stripper gymnastics that spontaneously erupts on the club stage.
34. You debate the ethics of making twerk videos on youtube that get posted at the club versus viewing in the privacy of your home
35. You spend most of your time ignoring the music that you never heard of and trying to figure out how to get this tweet thing to work so you can see your grammatically perfect tweet on the big screen.
36. At the end of the night, your face hurts from squinting to protect your eyes from the strobe lighting.
37. You considered asking one of your girlfriends if they had sunglasses in their bag to wear in the club to dim the effect of the strobe lighting.
38. You have a full-fledged scientific conversation about how the twerk girls were able to roll their left butt cheek while keeping their right perfectly still.
39. When you come home from the club, you get out your iPad to get the latest social studies updates and commence a conversation with your girls about current events and international affairs.
40. You wonder why some hooligan in the apartment complex put a flier on your car, forgetting that you were parked outside of a club the night before.


After a harsh, yet hilarious run in with reality, and a really great time, the bell sounded and recess was officially marked O-V-E-R. :(
Now, I'm back for the final round of this school year...waiting patiently for the sounds of summer to take me away to my next adventure!