So, it's New Year's Eve and I've just awakened in my momma's house to the sound of my new nephew strengthening his lungs…yup, it's been a minute and I've had a nephew be born in the process.
Please forgive my absence. There's definitely been way more going on than I've briefed you about in the past few months. It's honestly been pretty much a roller coaster.
Re school: I just want to get out. Point blank, period. I've done some pretty great things, like successfully completed teaching my first class, but most of my energy around school has been focused on wanting to graduate, like YESTERDAY. There's a lot of transition going on in the program, but more than that, I think the urge to not want to simply be a student anymore is making me impatient at times with the process and very frustrated. But, I'm certain, I'll get there. And I'll take my time and trust divine order. Besides, with finishing school comes the whole next level of responsibility, like figuring out what I'll do with this degree and planning grown up moves. Yikes.
Re family: Well, like I've mentioned, I HAVE A NEW NEPHEW!! My brother and his girlfriend welcomed a new addition this past November. He's a Jr. Very cute and expressive with all his funny baby faces and noises. My nieces, his three siblings are growing up faster than I am ready for. Besides easily towering over me by several inches, the twins are about all things teenage life, and my youngest niece is following up right behind them. Currently, she is going through her toothless phase, which makes for the most heartwarming smiles you ever want to see. I miss them often and pray for them lots, particularly as the big ones are preparing for high school. #mercy . . .The rest of the family crew is doing okay. Everyone is still just working on their power life moves. Pray for us as we push through a lot and prepare ourselves to embrace what God has in store.
Re relationship: I'm continually learning a LOT about love and vulnerability and balancing it all. Leave it to a relationship to help you experience every single emotion in the constellation of feelings we've been granted. I guess as graduation approaches, things get realer on so many levels. Some days you wish there was a much better manual for how to navigate all of this, but you can also appreciate learning in process.
Re current events: The trip that I was blessed to take to South Africa a few years back has increased in its significance since on December 5, 2013, the honorable Nelson Rohlihlahla Mandela made his transition to be with the ancestors. The world mourned. People also celebrated his brilliance, personhood, and his contribution. Talk about a blueprint for humanity…I remember walking through Robben Island and hearing the stories of former prisoners telling about the horrors they endured in these immensely cold, horrid conditions, and seeing the cell where Madiba was forced to reside and the starkness of that red bucket that served as his bathroom and hardness of those prison floors on which he was made to sleep…and then remembering the journey that would become of his life since he did not give up. What a brilliant spirit. I am deeply grateful. …On a lighter note, (don't judge me about this transition) Beyonce dropped a self-titled, visual album on December 13, 2013 with no promotion. All I can say is: pure creative genius. There is of course controversy and criticism, but to me, I really appreciate the art that she has shared with us, and her uninhibited self-expression. Simply, bravo.
Re ME: I've been doing a ton of thinking. There are so many things going on in my head about who I am, where I'm headed, etc. Right now, my goal is to do a few things for myself each day: 1) see the bigger picture in all things; 2) have a LOT more faith and do much less worrying; 3) say exactly what I feel; 4) be myself; 5) push past my comfort zone where necessary; 6) love ALL of who I am, and ALL of who everyone else is in the present; 7) have fun; and 8) live into my purpose. I plan to leave the weightiness of worry and fear and take out a new lease on faith and joy. Prayerfully, you'll see all of this growth and happiness as I keep up with my posts in the new year. I'm excited for 2014. I've got my family, I've got love, and most importantly, God's got me.
All the ABSOLUTE best for us all!
-Cheers
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
14 Weeks…And Scene! (From December 5, 2013)
Today made the last day of my first semester as a teaching assistant.
Since August, I have been charged with standing before a class of about 19 students and facilitating a course on Research Methods. Today, as we revisited what the students and I learned together, I was really moved to tears.
I didn't take this assignment lightly. It really meant a lot to me to be charged with sharing some research fundamentals with this group. Each week I was met with a mix of challenges that I had to strategize my way through. Mostly, I had to figure out how to translate the textbook into a vibrant classroom discussion and learning experience that would result in the students gaining some awareness about concepts that to many seemed foreign.
In the end, I honestly feel proud. To hear the students' revelations about the subject matter and its significance to the profession; to see them draw connections about the class experience and what they have learned about themselves; and to see my own growth because of this learning exchange really felt like a major accomplishment for all of us.
Next semester, many of the students from this group will follow me over to my hybrid data analysis class for another semester's journey. I'm excited about next semester, but also about the prospect about being able to teach in this capacity for a living.
* * * *
I vividly remember the days of teaching to a crowd of stuffed animals in my bedroom when I was a little girl, and coming home from school mimicking everything that I had seen my own instructors do in front of the classroom. To be able to stand in front of my own class of real students is truly like a little girl's dream come true.
Since August, I have been charged with standing before a class of about 19 students and facilitating a course on Research Methods. Today, as we revisited what the students and I learned together, I was really moved to tears.
I didn't take this assignment lightly. It really meant a lot to me to be charged with sharing some research fundamentals with this group. Each week I was met with a mix of challenges that I had to strategize my way through. Mostly, I had to figure out how to translate the textbook into a vibrant classroom discussion and learning experience that would result in the students gaining some awareness about concepts that to many seemed foreign.
In the end, I honestly feel proud. To hear the students' revelations about the subject matter and its significance to the profession; to see them draw connections about the class experience and what they have learned about themselves; and to see my own growth because of this learning exchange really felt like a major accomplishment for all of us.
Next semester, many of the students from this group will follow me over to my hybrid data analysis class for another semester's journey. I'm excited about next semester, but also about the prospect about being able to teach in this capacity for a living.
* * * *
I vividly remember the days of teaching to a crowd of stuffed animals in my bedroom when I was a little girl, and coming home from school mimicking everything that I had seen my own instructors do in front of the classroom. To be able to stand in front of my own class of real students is truly like a little girl's dream come true.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
A Rainbow in the Clouds.
Over the past few months I could have easily used my clinical skills to self diagnose as showing some symptoms of depression. It was a weird period for me. My sleeping and eating were off. My attitude was funky. I didn't want to be bothered. I was super sensitive and just downright not feeling like myself.
Among the many things looming was the need to prepare for a trip to Texas for the Council on Social Work Education Annual Program Meeting. At this event, social workers and social work educators from around the country gather at a conference designation to share knowledge, offer novel insights into the profession, to have mini reunions, and to have a little nerdy fun. (#Dontjudgeus)
This year, for the second year in a row, I was in attendance as part of the Minority Fellowship Program family and repping HU. I also had been accepted with two of my MFP colleagues to do a presentation as one of the many sessions being held over the weekend.
During the days leading up to the conference, I anticipated APM being a great reprieve from my recent gloom. Although it would take much preparation I looked forward to getting away.
Bright and early on October 30th I boarded a plane to head to all of the festivities. I'm not fond of planes so I was grateful when the wheels hit the tarmac and the conference commenced.
My presentation team landed shortly after I arrived. We gathered at the massive hotel and decided to venture out into Texas a little bit before the five day marathon began.
Let's just say, some bad tacos and a smelly can ride later, we were officially cured of our desire to see more of the Big City.
* * *
One of the blessings of the fellowship is a special schedule of activities during our first full conference day. These events include several presentations and panel discussion by MFP alumnae who graciously share with us their experiences in the profession, their research wisdom, and their advice about life after the Phd. Each year I meet a new group of fellows and see familiar faces that make me feel welcomed and proud of being counted as family among this community.
Over the next few days we attended multiple sessions and receptions, and Howard held a special dinner for those present from our University.
On the third day of the conference, I was blessed to attend a beautiful memorial service for my former professor that I told you about a few months ago. She used to work as part of the host organization for the conference, so they wanted to honor her for her service and celebrate her life. In attendance was her son who gave a heartfelt testimony. Especially since I was not able to attend her home going services in the District, I was extremely grateful that an opportunity presented to show my respects.
As the conference progressed, it became clear that my high heel shoes proved no match for the hikes around the hotel grounds to attend functions. But, I trudged on. A few of my peers and professors had presentations that I attended and then, when Sunday 7:30AM arrived, it was our turn.
Rewind to about 5:45AM, CST, my alarm sounded and I jumped up in beast mode. Trying not to wake my roommate and copresenter who was due to wake up 15 minutes later, I silently scurried around the room getting dressed and doing a last minute run through of my slides. At around 7:10AM I put on my pink blazer with black silky lapel, did a final lint brush and hair check, and made my way to the presentation room.
In the room, I sat nervously among my colleagues. We were second of three groups to present and to our surprise the room was filling with more people than we anticipated for such an early morning session.
I must give thanks to my parents and ancestors for what would shortly transpire in that room. I am clear that my dad's acting training and my mom's years of study of different healing traditions were the forces that propelled me through this out of body experience. On the real, I remember taking the podium...and then I remembered our presentation concluding to the sound of applause and fervent praise for what my crew had just done.
I was humbled and speechless and encouraged. Just a few weeks back I sat in my advisor's office and shared of anxiety and concern about the clarity of my dissertation topic and research questions. I was beginning to second guess myself…This conference came right on time.
There were many people to approach me after the conference to share kind words, and even emails to me and my advisor coming days after we returned from Texas sharing thoughts of praise for our work, and even invitations to come present at other schools.
Beyond the recognition, however, this experience helped to solidify for me that I am standing in my truth. This was extremely BIG for me, especially at a time when I had been feeling really low and out of it, and over it all!
I guess I'm really grateful that I continue to get reminders that everyone goes through valleys, but these valleys can be but temporary experiences on the other side of which exists a testimony.
So, needless to say, I'm still pushing.
Onward towards the end of the semester.
#milestogobeforeIsleep
Among the many things looming was the need to prepare for a trip to Texas for the Council on Social Work Education Annual Program Meeting. At this event, social workers and social work educators from around the country gather at a conference designation to share knowledge, offer novel insights into the profession, to have mini reunions, and to have a little nerdy fun. (#Dontjudgeus)
This year, for the second year in a row, I was in attendance as part of the Minority Fellowship Program family and repping HU. I also had been accepted with two of my MFP colleagues to do a presentation as one of the many sessions being held over the weekend.
During the days leading up to the conference, I anticipated APM being a great reprieve from my recent gloom. Although it would take much preparation I looked forward to getting away.
Bright and early on October 30th I boarded a plane to head to all of the festivities. I'm not fond of planes so I was grateful when the wheels hit the tarmac and the conference commenced.
My presentation team landed shortly after I arrived. We gathered at the massive hotel and decided to venture out into Texas a little bit before the five day marathon began.
Let's just say, some bad tacos and a smelly can ride later, we were officially cured of our desire to see more of the Big City.
* * *
One of the blessings of the fellowship is a special schedule of activities during our first full conference day. These events include several presentations and panel discussion by MFP alumnae who graciously share with us their experiences in the profession, their research wisdom, and their advice about life after the Phd. Each year I meet a new group of fellows and see familiar faces that make me feel welcomed and proud of being counted as family among this community.
Over the next few days we attended multiple sessions and receptions, and Howard held a special dinner for those present from our University.
On the third day of the conference, I was blessed to attend a beautiful memorial service for my former professor that I told you about a few months ago. She used to work as part of the host organization for the conference, so they wanted to honor her for her service and celebrate her life. In attendance was her son who gave a heartfelt testimony. Especially since I was not able to attend her home going services in the District, I was extremely grateful that an opportunity presented to show my respects.
As the conference progressed, it became clear that my high heel shoes proved no match for the hikes around the hotel grounds to attend functions. But, I trudged on. A few of my peers and professors had presentations that I attended and then, when Sunday 7:30AM arrived, it was our turn.
Rewind to about 5:45AM, CST, my alarm sounded and I jumped up in beast mode. Trying not to wake my roommate and copresenter who was due to wake up 15 minutes later, I silently scurried around the room getting dressed and doing a last minute run through of my slides. At around 7:10AM I put on my pink blazer with black silky lapel, did a final lint brush and hair check, and made my way to the presentation room.
In the room, I sat nervously among my colleagues. We were second of three groups to present and to our surprise the room was filling with more people than we anticipated for such an early morning session.
I must give thanks to my parents and ancestors for what would shortly transpire in that room. I am clear that my dad's acting training and my mom's years of study of different healing traditions were the forces that propelled me through this out of body experience. On the real, I remember taking the podium...and then I remembered our presentation concluding to the sound of applause and fervent praise for what my crew had just done.
I was humbled and speechless and encouraged. Just a few weeks back I sat in my advisor's office and shared of anxiety and concern about the clarity of my dissertation topic and research questions. I was beginning to second guess myself…This conference came right on time.
There were many people to approach me after the conference to share kind words, and even emails to me and my advisor coming days after we returned from Texas sharing thoughts of praise for our work, and even invitations to come present at other schools.
Beyond the recognition, however, this experience helped to solidify for me that I am standing in my truth. This was extremely BIG for me, especially at a time when I had been feeling really low and out of it, and over it all!
I guess I'm really grateful that I continue to get reminders that everyone goes through valleys, but these valleys can be but temporary experiences on the other side of which exists a testimony.
So, needless to say, I'm still pushing.
Onward towards the end of the semester.
#milestogobeforeIsleep
Monday, October 14, 2013
Winter coats, my first quiz, multi-tasking, methods chapter, and sleepless nights...oh my!
It's 2am and I can't sleep. I'm up rummaging through every task and every emotion that has crowded my life for the past two weeks.
My thoughts are on family, on teaching my class, on submitting a draft of chapter three in four days, on preparing my home for my friends visit, and on navigating it all.
This past weekend I "couldn't figure out" why I slept for over ten hours straight, still waking up exhausted and needing a nap in the middle of the day. I'm fatigued, emotionally drained, but still trying to hold it together and keep pushing.
Part of me thinks it's the October blues. You know as jackets start coming out and the semester really starts sinking in, you feel like time is flying but the to do list is growing immensely. Yeah, October.
In it all I acknowledge my humanity. I'm one person and there's lots to do. On the other hand I encouraged myself to strive. This is what I've signed up for, so sucking it up and getting it done is in order. I guess my truth is somewhere in the balance of those worlds. Yeah, "balance"...Must be nice.
While seemingly unrealistic in my own current life, balancing it all was the gist of the very speech I gave to my students a few weeks back in preparation for the quiz that we had last week. I tried to warn them, moreso encourage them to get organized and in a space where last minute studying wouldn't give rise to anxiety and overwhelm. I'm sure many of them tried to take heed, but probably ended up right where I feel like I am now, trying to breathe and figure out how to do it all.
Pretty soon I will have a 7am wake up call in preparation for the litany of things I need to accomplish to stay on track for the week ahead. As it stands now, wide awake and typing this blog, I'm already behind and one of two things are likely: I will snooze and regrettably start later than desired, or I'll wake up at 7 and push myself into exhaustion like last time.
I guess my hope is that writing these thoughts down at this hour will help get them off the hamster wheel that is my brain right now and clear up space for me to rest so I can prayerfully see the dawn of a new day and a new chance to go at it all again.
So now, I release all of the worries I had to prayer. I ask God to cover those that I was thinking about and to pour out some blessings all over this place for people who are struggling with seeing only the suffering in their circumstances and who are seated on the brink of a loss of hope. This includes family, my students, and those around the country battling through this government shutdown and the associated furloughs and suspensions of pay (yes, by the way that's been happening here in the US for the past few weeks. SMH). I surrender it all and make space for faith. For peace of mind. For joy and for the comfort of God's love and assurance.
I wouldn't trade one second of what I've been given. I transform my thinking right now from a place of anger and frustration to trusting in the series of testimonies that have already brought me through many Octobers already. I rest peacefully now being reminded and assured that it is ALL already done.
Amen,
And hopefully good night.
My thoughts are on family, on teaching my class, on submitting a draft of chapter three in four days, on preparing my home for my friends visit, and on navigating it all.
This past weekend I "couldn't figure out" why I slept for over ten hours straight, still waking up exhausted and needing a nap in the middle of the day. I'm fatigued, emotionally drained, but still trying to hold it together and keep pushing.
Part of me thinks it's the October blues. You know as jackets start coming out and the semester really starts sinking in, you feel like time is flying but the to do list is growing immensely. Yeah, October.
In it all I acknowledge my humanity. I'm one person and there's lots to do. On the other hand I encouraged myself to strive. This is what I've signed up for, so sucking it up and getting it done is in order. I guess my truth is somewhere in the balance of those worlds. Yeah, "balance"...Must be nice.
While seemingly unrealistic in my own current life, balancing it all was the gist of the very speech I gave to my students a few weeks back in preparation for the quiz that we had last week. I tried to warn them, moreso encourage them to get organized and in a space where last minute studying wouldn't give rise to anxiety and overwhelm. I'm sure many of them tried to take heed, but probably ended up right where I feel like I am now, trying to breathe and figure out how to do it all.
Pretty soon I will have a 7am wake up call in preparation for the litany of things I need to accomplish to stay on track for the week ahead. As it stands now, wide awake and typing this blog, I'm already behind and one of two things are likely: I will snooze and regrettably start later than desired, or I'll wake up at 7 and push myself into exhaustion like last time.
I guess my hope is that writing these thoughts down at this hour will help get them off the hamster wheel that is my brain right now and clear up space for me to rest so I can prayerfully see the dawn of a new day and a new chance to go at it all again.
So now, I release all of the worries I had to prayer. I ask God to cover those that I was thinking about and to pour out some blessings all over this place for people who are struggling with seeing only the suffering in their circumstances and who are seated on the brink of a loss of hope. This includes family, my students, and those around the country battling through this government shutdown and the associated furloughs and suspensions of pay (yes, by the way that's been happening here in the US for the past few weeks. SMH). I surrender it all and make space for faith. For peace of mind. For joy and for the comfort of God's love and assurance.
I wouldn't trade one second of what I've been given. I transform my thinking right now from a place of anger and frustration to trusting in the series of testimonies that have already brought me through many Octobers already. I rest peacefully now being reminded and assured that it is ALL already done.
Amen,
And hopefully good night.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Vision...Fruition. Just like that!
A few months back, I must have told you about me going to management and asking them about continuing some of the community oriented traditions of our past property managers. In case you don't remember, I spoke to the current staff about my idea for a building yard sale.
Well, about a week ago the elevators had notices alerting residents of the opportunity to participate in a yard sale!! Yesterday, I joined others on the first floor atrium for our first sale! There was free food and ice cream and an opportunity to donate clothing and other items.
Initially, a neighbor and I were going to share a table and participate in the event, but we both discovered that we preferred to just donate the items we had.
I perused the tables of others and saw some pretty cool items. There were collectible cameras and shoes and baked goods. People were definitely in the thrifting spirit. I did find some great, antique looking lamps which I badly needed for my living room! It was a win-win for me.
More than anything, as I walked around, I really was excited by seeing how this whole thing came together from an idea and a conversation. Just. Like. That.
Just a cool reminder that, from nothing, you really can masterfully create and bring a vision to life.
#thatisall
Well, about a week ago the elevators had notices alerting residents of the opportunity to participate in a yard sale!! Yesterday, I joined others on the first floor atrium for our first sale! There was free food and ice cream and an opportunity to donate clothing and other items.
Initially, a neighbor and I were going to share a table and participate in the event, but we both discovered that we preferred to just donate the items we had.
I perused the tables of others and saw some pretty cool items. There were collectible cameras and shoes and baked goods. People were definitely in the thrifting spirit. I did find some great, antique looking lamps which I badly needed for my living room! It was a win-win for me.
More than anything, as I walked around, I really was excited by seeing how this whole thing came together from an idea and a conversation. Just. Like. That.
Just a cool reminder that, from nothing, you really can masterfully create and bring a vision to life.
#thatisall
Chapter Two...and, oh yeah, thirty Two!!!! (September 26, 2013)
So, I've been on my grind. My common response to the status of my academic career is: "I'm trying to write my way to graduation". And that's exactly what I've been doing.
For the past few weeks I've tackled the sections of my literature review. This part of my paper makes up the bulk of chapter two and involves me discussing all the research I've read on my topic, synthesizing what this literature says, articulating how my proposed study fits into what has already been said, and showing how my research has significance in the profession and in the world.
It's been an arduous journey of reading, writing, and rewriting...and never-ending cycles of repeating this three stage process.
I've been proud of myself for pushing to the limits; balancing my personal goals for my dissertation with my responsibilities as a teaching assistant, and my other work. There have been many hard and long nights, but hey, that's what I'm here for. Right?
Needless to say it's been busy. In fact, it's been so busy I forgot to stop and tell you all about the fact that I had another birthday!!! Yup, officially moving along in these thirties.
I celebrated at home with family, Lawrence, and friends, which was a lot of fun. I had two cakes, a full body massage, and a play date with my momma, the other birthday girl. We went vintage shopping and snacking around Park Slope. It was a perfect way to bring in my new year.
And now I'm back in the habit. On the public bus preparing my last minute lecture notes and excited to hand in my second draft of this second chapter.
There's definitely lots more to come, but for now I'll leave you with this:
Wherever you are in your life, just keep pushing steadfastly in the direction of your dreams.
No matter what, just keep pushing.
And, Oh yeah, my article is finally in print. Check it out via the link below, page 50: http://www.uh.edu/socialwork/_docs/phdprogram/perspectives/Fall2013.pdf
Until next time.
#strive
For the past few weeks I've tackled the sections of my literature review. This part of my paper makes up the bulk of chapter two and involves me discussing all the research I've read on my topic, synthesizing what this literature says, articulating how my proposed study fits into what has already been said, and showing how my research has significance in the profession and in the world.
It's been an arduous journey of reading, writing, and rewriting...and never-ending cycles of repeating this three stage process.
I've been proud of myself for pushing to the limits; balancing my personal goals for my dissertation with my responsibilities as a teaching assistant, and my other work. There have been many hard and long nights, but hey, that's what I'm here for. Right?
Needless to say it's been busy. In fact, it's been so busy I forgot to stop and tell you all about the fact that I had another birthday!!! Yup, officially moving along in these thirties.
I celebrated at home with family, Lawrence, and friends, which was a lot of fun. I had two cakes, a full body massage, and a play date with my momma, the other birthday girl. We went vintage shopping and snacking around Park Slope. It was a perfect way to bring in my new year.
And now I'm back in the habit. On the public bus preparing my last minute lecture notes and excited to hand in my second draft of this second chapter.
There's definitely lots more to come, but for now I'll leave you with this:
Wherever you are in your life, just keep pushing steadfastly in the direction of your dreams.
No matter what, just keep pushing.
And, Oh yeah, my article is finally in print. Check it out via the link below, page 50: http://www.uh.edu/socialwork/_docs/phdprogram/perspectives/Fall2013.pdf
Until next time.
#strive
Saturday, September 7, 2013
TouchDOWNNNNNN!
Today, I made good on a promise to myself. I have been here in the DMV for four years and had only attended one traditional Howard event since I started school. I promised myself that this was the year that I'd get out and do something about it.
So this afternoon, I went to my first football game. Alumnae of the Capetown, South Africa International Service Learning program gathered together to tailgate and cheer on the HU team for the 3rd annual Howard vs. Morehouse Classic game.
We learned quickly that people take their tailgating and team spirit seriously at these events. There were families and massive collections of people in red & blue and burgundy & white filing through RFK stadium and the neighboring parking lots. There were many with electric generators and deep fryers cheerfully churning out batches of chicken and fish, burgers and ribs.
It was definitely a fun experience and you really feel like a part of a community as everybody shows pride through "repping their sets".
In the end, Howard beat Morehouse 27-16. The game was pretty mellow, but it was still cool to have been a part.
That's all I got. My eyelids are nicely trying to let me know that it's time to pass straight out. Hopefully, what I've written so far is not confusing or a reflection of how sleepy I am, but if so, the gist of what I'm saying is:
GO BISON!!! H-U...U-KNNNNNNNNOW!
Nite, nite!
So this afternoon, I went to my first football game. Alumnae of the Capetown, South Africa International Service Learning program gathered together to tailgate and cheer on the HU team for the 3rd annual Howard vs. Morehouse Classic game.
We learned quickly that people take their tailgating and team spirit seriously at these events. There were families and massive collections of people in red & blue and burgundy & white filing through RFK stadium and the neighboring parking lots. There were many with electric generators and deep fryers cheerfully churning out batches of chicken and fish, burgers and ribs.
It was definitely a fun experience and you really feel like a part of a community as everybody shows pride through "repping their sets".
In the end, Howard beat Morehouse 27-16. The game was pretty mellow, but it was still cool to have been a part.
That's all I got. My eyelids are nicely trying to let me know that it's time to pass straight out. Hopefully, what I've written so far is not confusing or a reflection of how sleepy I am, but if so, the gist of what I'm saying is:
GO BISON!!! H-U...U-KNNNNNNNNOW!
Nite, nite!
Thursday, August 29, 2013
On Your Mark...
Today, I stood in front of a classroom of 19 students and began my first semester as a teaching associate. For the next four months, this will be my crew, and we will go on a journey of learning Research Methods in Social Work, together.
I must say, I've been very excited about this opportunity. I've been preparing and revising a syllabus for the past few weeks. I attended a training yesterday with other graduate students who will be teaching across campus. And this afternoon, at 1:10pm, it all began.
I'm excited. We had a great first day. The energy was lively. The students were present and engaged, and ultimately the mood was set just right for a powerful and productive semester.
For me, the work comes with balancing my TA and dissertation responsibilities. I will need to find the right fit between doing a good job in front of the classroom, and doing an even better job to get myself out of the classroom (the PhD student classroom, that is).
I'm very much looking forward to what's in store. This is definitely a far cry from starting the past few school years trying to recover from intense exams and coursework.
August has just about left the building, and we have officially dipped our toes into year four.
It's that time again. We're moving closer to the real BIG goal.
#letsgetit
I must say, I've been very excited about this opportunity. I've been preparing and revising a syllabus for the past few weeks. I attended a training yesterday with other graduate students who will be teaching across campus. And this afternoon, at 1:10pm, it all began.
I'm excited. We had a great first day. The energy was lively. The students were present and engaged, and ultimately the mood was set just right for a powerful and productive semester.
For me, the work comes with balancing my TA and dissertation responsibilities. I will need to find the right fit between doing a good job in front of the classroom, and doing an even better job to get myself out of the classroom (the PhD student classroom, that is).
I'm very much looking forward to what's in store. This is definitely a far cry from starting the past few school years trying to recover from intense exams and coursework.
August has just about left the building, and we have officially dipped our toes into year four.
It's that time again. We're moving closer to the real BIG goal.
#letsgetit
Saturday, August 24, 2013
50th Anniversary of the March on Washington. August 24, 2013
Today, the Lincoln Memorial was packed. This time, the occasion was the celebration of the 50th Anniversary of the March on Washington and a demonstration of a continued commitment to the pursuit of justice and equality.
I set out at about 7:30AM and met up with a few students from the School of Social Work to walk over to where the masses had begun to gather. During the early part of the day, I spent most of the time in conversation with a faculty member from our program talking about her experiences as a young girl when the first March took place and her childhood recollections about desegregation and the assassination of Dr. King.
Later, while walking along the march route, I was present to the intergenerational crowds of people. Many adorned color coordinated shirts to identify their churches, unions, sororities and fraternities; others carried banners and flyers, and sometimes broke out into old school hymns, chants, and call and response. At one point I was grooving with a marching band that motivated the crowd. I took it all in; I smiled and shared greetings with strangers and made small talk with those who I knew from HU, however, most of the seven hours that I was out there I spent inside my own thoughts. There was an incessant inner dialogue that pretty much involved me interviewing myself about what it truly meant for me to be there?
As a DMV resident of the last four years, distance has no longer been able to serve as an excuse for not attending some of the historic events that typically take place in these quarters; months ago when I heard of the march and commemoration, I knew that only sickness or an emergency would keep me from it. The initial commitment to being here was about being present among the crowds during this historic moment. While this was clear to me, there was still some cause for processing it all. I needed more from myself.
The issues that made this day significant in the first place are still prominent; there are reminders everyday across the nation about the work that is needed. In the past, it was clear that marching sent a message of unity and accountability; of not standing idly by. I can't say that I felt that being present to march in 2013 really had the same significance. Being present was more of a posture of homage and solidarity. Maybe even some of it was an opportunity to avoid the guilt that would have surfaced had I not shown up and watched only from the comfort of my living room (#realtalk).
When I got home, I called my mom to have a safe space to share and figure out my thoughts, confusion, and feelings. At the culmination of this conversation, what I came up with was an assignment to revisit footage from the original March; to learn as much as possible about what the energy and spirit was like back then in order to help give a better frame of reference to what I experienced today.
I also grew affirmed in my perspective that my contribution and legacy will be actualized through how I live, doing the work that I believe I am called to do. For me, this entails focusing on this idea of supporting healing, so that justice and freedom might be experienced for individuals and then shared within and across communities and generations. That is what rings true for me (at least for right now) in terms of figuring out who I am in the midst of this evolving history.
Ultimately, what I have concluded is that I have some posters, pictures, and videos to share with my nieces, nephews, godchildren, siblings, and family. I have a story to tell of the day that I marched and participated, and I have a vision for how my everyday can be an opportunity to elongate the marching strides of unwavering love that were activated 50 years ago, and centuries before that.
I set out at about 7:30AM and met up with a few students from the School of Social Work to walk over to where the masses had begun to gather. During the early part of the day, I spent most of the time in conversation with a faculty member from our program talking about her experiences as a young girl when the first March took place and her childhood recollections about desegregation and the assassination of Dr. King.
Later, while walking along the march route, I was present to the intergenerational crowds of people. Many adorned color coordinated shirts to identify their churches, unions, sororities and fraternities; others carried banners and flyers, and sometimes broke out into old school hymns, chants, and call and response. At one point I was grooving with a marching band that motivated the crowd. I took it all in; I smiled and shared greetings with strangers and made small talk with those who I knew from HU, however, most of the seven hours that I was out there I spent inside my own thoughts. There was an incessant inner dialogue that pretty much involved me interviewing myself about what it truly meant for me to be there?
As a DMV resident of the last four years, distance has no longer been able to serve as an excuse for not attending some of the historic events that typically take place in these quarters; months ago when I heard of the march and commemoration, I knew that only sickness or an emergency would keep me from it. The initial commitment to being here was about being present among the crowds during this historic moment. While this was clear to me, there was still some cause for processing it all. I needed more from myself.
The issues that made this day significant in the first place are still prominent; there are reminders everyday across the nation about the work that is needed. In the past, it was clear that marching sent a message of unity and accountability; of not standing idly by. I can't say that I felt that being present to march in 2013 really had the same significance. Being present was more of a posture of homage and solidarity. Maybe even some of it was an opportunity to avoid the guilt that would have surfaced had I not shown up and watched only from the comfort of my living room (#realtalk).
When I got home, I called my mom to have a safe space to share and figure out my thoughts, confusion, and feelings. At the culmination of this conversation, what I came up with was an assignment to revisit footage from the original March; to learn as much as possible about what the energy and spirit was like back then in order to help give a better frame of reference to what I experienced today.
I also grew affirmed in my perspective that my contribution and legacy will be actualized through how I live, doing the work that I believe I am called to do. For me, this entails focusing on this idea of supporting healing, so that justice and freedom might be experienced for individuals and then shared within and across communities and generations. That is what rings true for me (at least for right now) in terms of figuring out who I am in the midst of this evolving history.
Ultimately, what I have concluded is that I have some posters, pictures, and videos to share with my nieces, nephews, godchildren, siblings, and family. I have a story to tell of the day that I marched and participated, and I have a vision for how my everyday can be an opportunity to elongate the marching strides of unwavering love that were activated 50 years ago, and centuries before that.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Dr. Judith Bremner, Rest in Eternal Peace.
Today, the department mourns the passing of one of our professors.
During my final semester of coursework, I had the honor of having Dr. Judith Bremner teach my Social Work Education class; a class of a whopping two! Each week, Jessica and I sat amidst Dr. Bremner who came prepared with a thorough lecture and detailed slides, sharing information about academia and accreditation and preparing to become future faculty. She brought in great speakers and was always bubbly and cheerful. As a matter of fact, I can hear her voice now in the jovial way that she called our names several times during our three hour session.
I remember seeing her last at the annual Social Work conference in D.C. where she came to attend one of the sessions. She greeted warmly as always and was dressed in her jazzy fashions and quirky glasses, reminding me a lot of my mom and grandmother's sense of style.
I really liked her. She was extremely nice and thoughtful and great at what she did in the classroom.
I'm tremendously grateful to her for her contribution to my academic experience. I'm sure her family and CSWE will greatly miss her, and I pray that she soar, sickness and burden free, to eternal happiness.
God bless you Dr. Bremner.
Thank You for everything!
Harambee!
During my final semester of coursework, I had the honor of having Dr. Judith Bremner teach my Social Work Education class; a class of a whopping two! Each week, Jessica and I sat amidst Dr. Bremner who came prepared with a thorough lecture and detailed slides, sharing information about academia and accreditation and preparing to become future faculty. She brought in great speakers and was always bubbly and cheerful. As a matter of fact, I can hear her voice now in the jovial way that she called our names several times during our three hour session.
I remember seeing her last at the annual Social Work conference in D.C. where she came to attend one of the sessions. She greeted warmly as always and was dressed in her jazzy fashions and quirky glasses, reminding me a lot of my mom and grandmother's sense of style.
I really liked her. She was extremely nice and thoughtful and great at what she did in the classroom.
I'm tremendously grateful to her for her contribution to my academic experience. I'm sure her family and CSWE will greatly miss her, and I pray that she soar, sickness and burden free, to eternal happiness.
God bless you Dr. Bremner.
Thank You for everything!
Harambee!
Saturday, August 10, 2013
God. Will. Provide.
One of the challenges of being a student is that you don't always know how you're going to make ends meet. Sometimes, financial aid ain't right; it's hard to find work that accommodates school; and life happens, loaded with unforeseen expenses. This was one of those months. But, I knew it was coming.
A while ago, I was anticipating the fellowship year ending and the transition period until the start of the new cycle. I remember praying back then. I asked God to make a way.
I've been practicing the art of releasing worry and having faith, and as each day crept closer to August, I had to push harder and harder in the direction of faith.
August 9, 2013, the day before rent becomes officially late, I mentally strategized a back up plan, (*cue Kevin Hart voice) cuz the way my checking and savings was set up...yeah, it was looking a little bleak!
This morning, on my way back from checking on a neighbor's cat, I saw the friendly reminder in the elevators of rent being due. In bold letters and bright blue font, this notice so graciously let us know everything we needed about getting our payment in on time. No panic...well, slight panic, but make it happen mode. #faith
Now, mind you, I had already checked my bank account at around midnight. Needless to say, I had come to the conclusion that money was definitely going to have to come from somewhere else. I sat down to the computer this morning and tried to figure out where that somewhere else was.
I literally typed the words: God Will Provide.
And then something said check my account again.
I THOUGHT I WAS SEEING THINGS. Within seconds, with jaw dropped in disbelief, I hit the ground in a stance of gratitude, and shouted like nobody's business. Then texted Lawrence and called my Momma to testify!!!!
Moral of the story: God hears your call, and supplies ALL of your needs. Always in PERFECT timing.
#rentpaid #ontime
#thatmustardseedfaith
#THANKYOU
A while ago, I was anticipating the fellowship year ending and the transition period until the start of the new cycle. I remember praying back then. I asked God to make a way.
I've been practicing the art of releasing worry and having faith, and as each day crept closer to August, I had to push harder and harder in the direction of faith.
August 9, 2013, the day before rent becomes officially late, I mentally strategized a back up plan, (*cue Kevin Hart voice) cuz the way my checking and savings was set up...yeah, it was looking a little bleak!
This morning, on my way back from checking on a neighbor's cat, I saw the friendly reminder in the elevators of rent being due. In bold letters and bright blue font, this notice so graciously let us know everything we needed about getting our payment in on time. No panic...well, slight panic, but make it happen mode. #faith
Now, mind you, I had already checked my bank account at around midnight. Needless to say, I had come to the conclusion that money was definitely going to have to come from somewhere else. I sat down to the computer this morning and tried to figure out where that somewhere else was.
I literally typed the words: God Will Provide.
And then something said check my account again.
I THOUGHT I WAS SEEING THINGS. Within seconds, with jaw dropped in disbelief, I hit the ground in a stance of gratitude, and shouted like nobody's business. Then texted Lawrence and called my Momma to testify!!!!
Moral of the story: God hears your call, and supplies ALL of your needs. Always in PERFECT timing.
#rentpaid #ontime
#thatmustardseedfaith
#THANKYOU
Monday, July 29, 2013
**Cue Dr. Dre**...Today, was a good day.
Last semester, as part of the grant that I work on, I participated in a youth domestic violence awareness/basketball exhibition event. I served as the Project Assistant for this event and also had an opportunity to perform a piece that I wrote about the topic. For months, I helped coordinate logistics and volunteers and strategize activities for the day's program; it was ultimately a definite success.
At the end of that day, one of the volunteers approached me and members of my team and expressed interest in having us come to present to her youth. She was impressed with our work and performance, and wanted to bring our talent and energy to the youth that she would work with in her 2013 summer youth employment program.
Well, after months of trying to coordinate a schedule and weeks of planning a curriculum, today, my co-facilitator and I stood before a room of about 70 youth and conducted a workshop on healthy relationships.
* * *
At about 12pm, after we had concluded, I sat on the train platform at Waterfront Metro station and just stared into space. I silently absorbed the energy of what we had just done.
After a patchy start trying to get our technology to cooperate, we launched an amazing conversation with the group about our experiences, attitudes, thoughts, beliefs, and hopes for establishing healthy relationships with those in our lives. The participants shared openly and brilliantly their thoughts on the video clips that we watched and on the joys and challenges of building community with the people we love. I could attempt to describe, but the essence of what manifest in that room wouldn't be done justice.
I simply felt alive and invigorated and re-affirmed; like I know what I am called to do and I can rest assured that God does a magnificent work through me, EVERY time.
The coordinator of the workshop said that the impact of our work was evident in the fact that the youth openly participated for the entire hour and a half, and even lingered after the session was over, keeping the conversation going and engaging us about how our stories resonated with their own experiences, and seeking advice from us about career choices and dealing with emotionally charged lives and experiences. There was a brilliant spirit in that room. I carried it all the way home.
On Wednesday, I'll head back to the church with the girls' group from last weekend to complete the workshop we started. I am SO open to continuing to create big things in the area of my passion. God, I'm truly honored to do your will. Thanks for choosing me.
Thanks for choosing ME.
At the end of that day, one of the volunteers approached me and members of my team and expressed interest in having us come to present to her youth. She was impressed with our work and performance, and wanted to bring our talent and energy to the youth that she would work with in her 2013 summer youth employment program.
Well, after months of trying to coordinate a schedule and weeks of planning a curriculum, today, my co-facilitator and I stood before a room of about 70 youth and conducted a workshop on healthy relationships.
* * *
At about 12pm, after we had concluded, I sat on the train platform at Waterfront Metro station and just stared into space. I silently absorbed the energy of what we had just done.
After a patchy start trying to get our technology to cooperate, we launched an amazing conversation with the group about our experiences, attitudes, thoughts, beliefs, and hopes for establishing healthy relationships with those in our lives. The participants shared openly and brilliantly their thoughts on the video clips that we watched and on the joys and challenges of building community with the people we love. I could attempt to describe, but the essence of what manifest in that room wouldn't be done justice.
I simply felt alive and invigorated and re-affirmed; like I know what I am called to do and I can rest assured that God does a magnificent work through me, EVERY time.
The coordinator of the workshop said that the impact of our work was evident in the fact that the youth openly participated for the entire hour and a half, and even lingered after the session was over, keeping the conversation going and engaging us about how our stories resonated with their own experiences, and seeking advice from us about career choices and dealing with emotionally charged lives and experiences. There was a brilliant spirit in that room. I carried it all the way home.
On Wednesday, I'll head back to the church with the girls' group from last weekend to complete the workshop we started. I am SO open to continuing to create big things in the area of my passion. God, I'm truly honored to do your will. Thanks for choosing me.
Thanks for choosing ME.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Back in The Habit.
A few months ago, one of my cohort mates from my Alternative Spring Break in South Africa experience asked me to conduct a workshop for girls at her church. She was part of the planning team for a women's day event themed "Forward Focused Women: No Turning Back". The segment that she asked me to facilitate was "Beautiful Me: Loving Who God Made Me".
Today, I arrived at the church at around 9:45am and was welcomed by a team of women who had helped coordinate the event. I spent the morning with the assembly in the sanctuary and then veered off with the teens to their day of workshops. I sat in the background of the bible study classroom where they convened and observed them in discussions about faith, maturing as young women, and etiquette, and then, after lunch, it was my turn.
As I did my introductions and ice breaker activities with the girls it was as if I almost got entirely lost in the moment. I forgot about the sea of adults in the back of the room who had now taken my seat as observers, and I just got real relaxed and hyped with the girls.
We started a pretty engaged conversation about self-esteem and growing up as brown girls. The youth talked openly and freely about their personal experiences and what they've witnessed of their peers. They shared and I shared and it was pretty cool how much we quickly felt comfortable around one another, like we had known each other for way more than the few hours that we'd just spent in the same room.
Unfortunately, time got away and we didn't get to finish all that was planned, but the time mishap created an opportunity for me to return in the future.
Being there today reminded me so much of Sundays back in NYC sitting for 5-6 hours among my Rites of Passage girls. I was grateful to be back doing this work in some capacity, particularly at this time where the nation is resounding with rallies and petitions surrounding the Trayvon Martin murder and related acquittal. I felt like I was in my truth, and in some way, doing my part.
I look forward to returning to the group and finishing what we started...or laying the groundwork to begin something even bigger.
In the meantime, I'm also preparing to teach another workshop for DC summer youth participants. Wish me luck on that one, there will be about 70 youth in the room that time.
Today, I arrived at the church at around 9:45am and was welcomed by a team of women who had helped coordinate the event. I spent the morning with the assembly in the sanctuary and then veered off with the teens to their day of workshops. I sat in the background of the bible study classroom where they convened and observed them in discussions about faith, maturing as young women, and etiquette, and then, after lunch, it was my turn.
As I did my introductions and ice breaker activities with the girls it was as if I almost got entirely lost in the moment. I forgot about the sea of adults in the back of the room who had now taken my seat as observers, and I just got real relaxed and hyped with the girls.
We started a pretty engaged conversation about self-esteem and growing up as brown girls. The youth talked openly and freely about their personal experiences and what they've witnessed of their peers. They shared and I shared and it was pretty cool how much we quickly felt comfortable around one another, like we had known each other for way more than the few hours that we'd just spent in the same room.
Unfortunately, time got away and we didn't get to finish all that was planned, but the time mishap created an opportunity for me to return in the future.
Being there today reminded me so much of Sundays back in NYC sitting for 5-6 hours among my Rites of Passage girls. I was grateful to be back doing this work in some capacity, particularly at this time where the nation is resounding with rallies and petitions surrounding the Trayvon Martin murder and related acquittal. I felt like I was in my truth, and in some way, doing my part.
I look forward to returning to the group and finishing what we started...or laying the groundwork to begin something even bigger.
In the meantime, I'm also preparing to teach another workshop for DC summer youth participants. Wish me luck on that one, there will be about 70 youth in the room that time.
Monday, July 15, 2013
The People. United. Will NEVER be defeated.
http://www.policymic.com/articles/54619/31-inspiring-images-from-the-trayvon-martin-protest-in-new-york
Sunday, July 14, 2013
I am Discovering Talents I Did Not Know I Had
I've been doing some affirmations. One of them is around awakening and honoring my creativity.
This past week, I had the pleasure of taking the photographs from a wedding and turning them into a slideshow for the bride and groom. I went at it. I found videos on YouTube to learn the technology and then worked tirelessly for about three days to make it happen.
First, there was music to select and then pictures to arrange, and then to figure out how to combine both...Three days later, I had something that I must say, I am extremely proud of.
I approached this project from a space of love; I truly wanted the newlyweds to feel like they could remember the feeling of passion and love that they had as they walked the aisle and exchanged vows. I wanted them to have something that could re-invigorate the love in their marriage as the years passed on. I wanted them to feel the passion with which this video was crafted.
Lawrence, my boo and the photographer, made it so that I was able to be there (virtually) as the couple watched the finished product for the first time. There were tears and speechlessness; the blood, sweat, and love that was put into the piece was conveyed and felt; the absolute best feeling in the world to an...artist!
At best, I can say that the law of attraction is alive in my life. Weeks ago I sent the following words into the universe: 1) I release all resistance to expressing myself creatively 2) I am discovering talents I did not know I had 3) I will express new creativity until the day I leave the planet...Aqueelah and Ali's love offered an opportunity for me to make good on my intentions. I am affirming. I am owning and honing.
Thank you universe for hearing my calls.
P.S.
Please check out 1982 Creative Studios for all of your photography needs. You will NOT be disappointed.
info@82stu.com
Shout out to the CEO!
This past week, I had the pleasure of taking the photographs from a wedding and turning them into a slideshow for the bride and groom. I went at it. I found videos on YouTube to learn the technology and then worked tirelessly for about three days to make it happen.
First, there was music to select and then pictures to arrange, and then to figure out how to combine both...Three days later, I had something that I must say, I am extremely proud of.
I approached this project from a space of love; I truly wanted the newlyweds to feel like they could remember the feeling of passion and love that they had as they walked the aisle and exchanged vows. I wanted them to have something that could re-invigorate the love in their marriage as the years passed on. I wanted them to feel the passion with which this video was crafted.
Lawrence, my boo and the photographer, made it so that I was able to be there (virtually) as the couple watched the finished product for the first time. There were tears and speechlessness; the blood, sweat, and love that was put into the piece was conveyed and felt; the absolute best feeling in the world to an...artist!
At best, I can say that the law of attraction is alive in my life. Weeks ago I sent the following words into the universe: 1) I release all resistance to expressing myself creatively 2) I am discovering talents I did not know I had 3) I will express new creativity until the day I leave the planet...Aqueelah and Ali's love offered an opportunity for me to make good on my intentions. I am affirming. I am owning and honing.
Thank you universe for hearing my calls.
P.S.
Please check out 1982 Creative Studios for all of your photography needs. You will NOT be disappointed.
info@82stu.com
Shout out to the CEO!
Not...Guilty.
Yesterday evening, after conversing with my cohort mate, I was prepared to write an entry about this new revelation we had about school. I penned a title and everything...and then her phone went off.
I saw a little CNN icon light up on her screen. I figured something BIG was up in the world. We shortly discovered that the verdict in the Trayvon Martin case was in. Within seconds we were glued to the TV screen. And then, there it was: GEORGE ZIMMERMAN FOUND NOT GUILTY.
For me, there wasn't shock, just an utter state of disbelief. I instantly felt the weight of sorrow in the pit of my stomach. We watched as they replayed the verdict and cameras captured the subtle celebration of members of his defense team and family, while in the background, the anger and outrage poured in from around the world, outside the courtroom and on facebook news feeds. NOT...GUILTY??????
Time stopped a little bit for me. I was kinda frozen within my emotions. Trying to figure out which way to go with all that I felt. At first I just watched all the news briefs and then I read all of the posts, it got a little overwhelming.
There was this awkward stillness. It hurt. It stung. It was difficult to fall asleep.
. . .
When morning came, the first thing I wanted to do was call my momma. She had ALL the words I needed to hear. The gist of her message was that it was okay to reside in peace, to relinquish anger, to say my prayers, and to trust God. Honestly, jail wouldn't have "fixed" it. Trayvon would still be dead. His mom and dad would still be without their son. Maybe people would have felt like there was "justice"; maybe it wouldn't feel so much like there is blatant disregard for our people; maybe...but we will never know.
I guess, the feeling is really: "Now what?".
While I feel like I don't really have all the words, I'll share the voices of others:
Today, just be sure to go forward in love.
Rest in Power Trayvon...and all those whose names we have not known or have forgotten.
I saw a little CNN icon light up on her screen. I figured something BIG was up in the world. We shortly discovered that the verdict in the Trayvon Martin case was in. Within seconds we were glued to the TV screen. And then, there it was: GEORGE ZIMMERMAN FOUND NOT GUILTY.
For me, there wasn't shock, just an utter state of disbelief. I instantly felt the weight of sorrow in the pit of my stomach. We watched as they replayed the verdict and cameras captured the subtle celebration of members of his defense team and family, while in the background, the anger and outrage poured in from around the world, outside the courtroom and on facebook news feeds. NOT...GUILTY??????
Time stopped a little bit for me. I was kinda frozen within my emotions. Trying to figure out which way to go with all that I felt. At first I just watched all the news briefs and then I read all of the posts, it got a little overwhelming.
There was this awkward stillness. It hurt. It stung. It was difficult to fall asleep.
. . .
When morning came, the first thing I wanted to do was call my momma. She had ALL the words I needed to hear. The gist of her message was that it was okay to reside in peace, to relinquish anger, to say my prayers, and to trust God. Honestly, jail wouldn't have "fixed" it. Trayvon would still be dead. His mom and dad would still be without their son. Maybe people would have felt like there was "justice"; maybe it wouldn't feel so much like there is blatant disregard for our people; maybe...but we will never know.
I guess, the feeling is really: "Now what?".
While I feel like I don't really have all the words, I'll share the voices of others:
I will not hate. I will not walk the earth powerless. I will not incite violence nor will I run away from it. I will encourage flowers to bloom regardless of how filthy the soil is they must walk on and grow from. I will not go quietly into the night. I will be remembered for something greater than the Black flesh I reside in. I will continue to honor all life and the sacredness of breath. I will not shy away from using words/images/sounds that make people shutter. Truth is my mission. Cowardice is my enemy.-Hanif Abdur Rahman
Because we have survived white supremacy, racism, sexism, poverty, slavery, reconstruction, deconstruction, castration, lynching, assault and assassinations of the black boys America refused to let live to become old men, we know how to survive, and we know how to hope our way through expectations. We are survivors. It is exhausting and it is harrowing and depleting, but we are survivors.-Joshunda Saunders
I hope that in our rage we can be productive advocates Trayvon Martin’s family and so many others whose lives are devalued. I hope we can embrace the ones who are here, I expect that it will be hard to contain rage and despair and sadness. I expect to feel the furnace of the fire next time continuing to burn in my belly, but I hope that more of us will learn from the past enough to stand up, to affirm our lives, to stay alive in spite of a world that would just as soon dance on your grave.
Today, just be sure to go forward in love.
Rest in Power Trayvon...and all those whose names we have not known or have forgotten.
Monday, June 3, 2013
My Mother's Wisdom
Dear Mama,
Recently, without premeditation I began compiling a stack of books on the altar next to my bed. These are all books that were given as gifts from you. Inside of each of them are wisdom sharings that speak into several areas of my life. And then there are blank journals that make space for me to speak back.
I realized that you really have made a way for us to access brilliant tools to make it through the hills and valleys of this lifetime. Where there might be areas and things that you may not have had tools to teach us directly through experience, you have thoroughly provided by offering up a way for us to access the lessons and gifts that we need. Tonight, as I read a few chapters from my angels book and journaled using a tiny rectangular notebook in which you inscribed the word "truth", it just hit me that i have an endless Mama Stack of wisdom from you for which I need to give thanks.
Thank you for always teaching and making a way for us to have what we need.
Love u love you love you
Recently, without premeditation I began compiling a stack of books on the altar next to my bed. These are all books that were given as gifts from you. Inside of each of them are wisdom sharings that speak into several areas of my life. And then there are blank journals that make space for me to speak back.
I realized that you really have made a way for us to access brilliant tools to make it through the hills and valleys of this lifetime. Where there might be areas and things that you may not have had tools to teach us directly through experience, you have thoroughly provided by offering up a way for us to access the lessons and gifts that we need. Tonight, as I read a few chapters from my angels book and journaled using a tiny rectangular notebook in which you inscribed the word "truth", it just hit me that i have an endless Mama Stack of wisdom from you for which I need to give thanks.
Thank you for always teaching and making a way for us to have what we need.
Love u love you love you
Monday, May 20, 2013
Voices of Now
Tonight I went to a community event at the Arena stage. The Wendt Center, a local agency that provides grief and loss services, organized Voices of Now an autobiographical play about the teen ensemble cast's experiences of dealing with death.
The work was gripping. I welled with tears at the bravery with which these youth confronted the myriad of feelings associated with losing a loved one. Their words swept across the audience and ignited a flurry of tissues being pulled out and passed around to soak up the emotion that flooded the theater.
I was proud. I was happy. I was sad. I was encouraged to remember my past, both my own losses and my work as a counselor, and also moved to think about what I want to do next. A part of me was fired up about helping to ensure that more black and brown faces were reflected in work of this magnitude. Another part of me thought about my own family and the stories we have to tell. The impact that we could make. The healing that would transpire.
I'm really moved. I feel charged, like I want to make something happen right now. Like I don't want to let this energy die. I simply pray for guidance and direction.
To the youth who presented, thank you for your courage to help us all heal.
The work was gripping. I welled with tears at the bravery with which these youth confronted the myriad of feelings associated with losing a loved one. Their words swept across the audience and ignited a flurry of tissues being pulled out and passed around to soak up the emotion that flooded the theater.
I was proud. I was happy. I was sad. I was encouraged to remember my past, both my own losses and my work as a counselor, and also moved to think about what I want to do next. A part of me was fired up about helping to ensure that more black and brown faces were reflected in work of this magnitude. Another part of me thought about my own family and the stories we have to tell. The impact that we could make. The healing that would transpire.
I'm really moved. I feel charged, like I want to make something happen right now. Like I don't want to let this energy die. I simply pray for guidance and direction.
To the youth who presented, thank you for your courage to help us all heal.
Moms, one of God's absolute BEST Creations!
I'm always giving people strong hints about coming to visit me. My mom is no exception. She's come before, but it was with my nieces and sisters and for a short period of time. I wanted a weekend all to myself.
Well, two Fridays ago I waited proudly at the Greyhound station in my bright red Howard sweatshirt, jeans, and high top Chucks. I was a giddy girl peering into the tinted windows of the bus trying to guess which seat my mom would emerge from as she exited. Finally, after rows and rows of strangers, there she was, in her familiar huge grin and new signature butterfly shaped turquoise glasses. My Momma.
We took off running. That night we had dinner at Eggspectation, courtesy of Lawrence, and then made our way stuffed and swollen back to the apartment. Saturday we made the matinee of Tyler Perry's Temptation and then hit up the vendors who'd gathered downtown for the weekly market.
My mom's captivating presence and spirit saw to it that we made new friends. A women who'd admired her style and our relationship from a distance sat with us on a bench outside and for about an hour. We shared stories back and forth about our lives, who we were, and where our paths were leading. It was like old time friends. But we were new to each other.
Later, when trying to make our way back to the apartment for a break, we happened upon a free henna tattoo station. We waited in a short line and one after another, we got tatted up with beautiful designs. Our hands might have well been in a cast for all the care that we took not to let not even a particle of dust affect the intricate drawing. We dabbed the backsides of our palms all night and for the next few days with the lemon sugar cotton ball the artist gave us in hopes of preserving the richness of the henna brown. Mom wanted to be able to have it for when she returned to work so her coworkers could see evidence of her fun. I wanted mine to linger long as a reminder of this mother-daughter time.
By Saturday afternoon it became clear that her trip needed to be extended. We did just that. So much for her Sunday return. We had more fun to have.
For the remainder of our time we filled the days with food galore, meandering through the shops, and happening upon some new favorite finds like the green tea concoction from Smoothie King and even Yoga!!!! With our new mats from Marshall's we walked into a local studio for a beginners class and had the most amazing zen time! We braved an hour and a half class at Willow Street on Fenton and birthed my new love for the practice.
And I did it all with my momma. On Monday morning, the day of her departure, we carried the fun to the very last minute. We stuffed our bellies with brunch and reminisced about the two movies we saw, our henna tatts, our new friends, how we were NOT ready for how intense Temptations was, and the hearty laughs we got from our second movie, Big Wedding. I was bubbling with joy all the way until chasing down her bus on Colesville Road for one last "see ya next time" wave.
Just yesterday, I watched Mother Maya Angelou gloat with Oprah about the brilliance, beauty, and loving spirit of her own mother. Her joy resonated with me deeply. Even as a grown woman, you revel in the warmth and happiness that only a mom can provide.
I will cherish that weekend as one of the greatest moments of my life.
Well, two Fridays ago I waited proudly at the Greyhound station in my bright red Howard sweatshirt, jeans, and high top Chucks. I was a giddy girl peering into the tinted windows of the bus trying to guess which seat my mom would emerge from as she exited. Finally, after rows and rows of strangers, there she was, in her familiar huge grin and new signature butterfly shaped turquoise glasses. My Momma.
We took off running. That night we had dinner at Eggspectation, courtesy of Lawrence, and then made our way stuffed and swollen back to the apartment. Saturday we made the matinee of Tyler Perry's Temptation and then hit up the vendors who'd gathered downtown for the weekly market.
My mom's captivating presence and spirit saw to it that we made new friends. A women who'd admired her style and our relationship from a distance sat with us on a bench outside and for about an hour. We shared stories back and forth about our lives, who we were, and where our paths were leading. It was like old time friends. But we were new to each other.
Later, when trying to make our way back to the apartment for a break, we happened upon a free henna tattoo station. We waited in a short line and one after another, we got tatted up with beautiful designs. Our hands might have well been in a cast for all the care that we took not to let not even a particle of dust affect the intricate drawing. We dabbed the backsides of our palms all night and for the next few days with the lemon sugar cotton ball the artist gave us in hopes of preserving the richness of the henna brown. Mom wanted to be able to have it for when she returned to work so her coworkers could see evidence of her fun. I wanted mine to linger long as a reminder of this mother-daughter time.
By Saturday afternoon it became clear that her trip needed to be extended. We did just that. So much for her Sunday return. We had more fun to have.
For the remainder of our time we filled the days with food galore, meandering through the shops, and happening upon some new favorite finds like the green tea concoction from Smoothie King and even Yoga!!!! With our new mats from Marshall's we walked into a local studio for a beginners class and had the most amazing zen time! We braved an hour and a half class at Willow Street on Fenton and birthed my new love for the practice.
And I did it all with my momma. On Monday morning, the day of her departure, we carried the fun to the very last minute. We stuffed our bellies with brunch and reminisced about the two movies we saw, our henna tatts, our new friends, how we were NOT ready for how intense Temptations was, and the hearty laughs we got from our second movie, Big Wedding. I was bubbling with joy all the way until chasing down her bus on Colesville Road for one last "see ya next time" wave.
Just yesterday, I watched Mother Maya Angelou gloat with Oprah about the brilliance, beauty, and loving spirit of her own mother. Her joy resonated with me deeply. Even as a grown woman, you revel in the warmth and happiness that only a mom can provide.
I will cherish that weekend as one of the greatest moments of my life.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
I'm Published!!!!
This afternoon I received an email I'd been hoping for.
As you progress through this program, you constantly hear about the importance of publishing your work and presenting at conferences. It kind of gets to the point where it becomes a nagging thorn in your side that you're annoyed by, but need to pay attention to. Sometimes the idea of doing these things in addition to working your way out of dissertation land just feels overwhelming. The first two years it's like: "how am I supposed to focus on any assignments outside of what I need to hand in to get through the semester?". The third year it's like: "ain't nobody got time fo' that. I got a proposal to write".
Well, thanks to my qualitative research course last semester, I had an assignment that required me to submit an article for publication. A few months back I got word that there was interest in publishing my article in the Perspectives on Social Work Journal if I addressed some of their revisions. Recently, I resubmitted a revised version of the article with the suggested changes. Today, I got an email with a letter attached indicating that my article is officially en route to publication!!!
The words leapt off of the digital screen I was reading them from and plastered a smile of utter joy on my face. It was the perfect remedy for a really rough couple of days. A right-on-time reminder, that I am here, on purpose.
The real icing on the cake was seeing in real life what will now forever exist as the American Psychological Association's formatted citation of my work. I'll leave you with it:
Henderson, Z. (In Press). Reality TV therapy: Implications for mental health stigma and service
utilization among African-American adolescents. Perspectives on Social Work Journal.
As you progress through this program, you constantly hear about the importance of publishing your work and presenting at conferences. It kind of gets to the point where it becomes a nagging thorn in your side that you're annoyed by, but need to pay attention to. Sometimes the idea of doing these things in addition to working your way out of dissertation land just feels overwhelming. The first two years it's like: "how am I supposed to focus on any assignments outside of what I need to hand in to get through the semester?". The third year it's like: "ain't nobody got time fo' that. I got a proposal to write".
Well, thanks to my qualitative research course last semester, I had an assignment that required me to submit an article for publication. A few months back I got word that there was interest in publishing my article in the Perspectives on Social Work Journal if I addressed some of their revisions. Recently, I resubmitted a revised version of the article with the suggested changes. Today, I got an email with a letter attached indicating that my article is officially en route to publication!!!
The words leapt off of the digital screen I was reading them from and plastered a smile of utter joy on my face. It was the perfect remedy for a really rough couple of days. A right-on-time reminder, that I am here, on purpose.
The real icing on the cake was seeing in real life what will now forever exist as the American Psychological Association's formatted citation of my work. I'll leave you with it:
Henderson, Z. (In Press). Reality TV therapy: Implications for mental health stigma and service
utilization among African-American adolescents. Perspectives on Social Work Journal.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
God, please hear my call.
I watch nonsense tv to drown out the sounds of bad news. So tonight, let the marathon begin.
In the past 24 hours, I have stomached hearing of at least five heart wrenching stories of stuff that loved ones and strangers are going through (that includes yesterday's tragedy at the Boston marathon).
I feel a huge bloating sensation in the the pit of my stomach. As if, with each story, I have inhaled a breath that won't exhale away.
I have prayed. And prayed. And prayed all day.
I'm trying not to feel overwhelming sadness.
I'm trying to feel like this is still all worth it.
I'm trying not to feel like I need to just run home and stay up under my family and loved ones because of the looming threat of another phone call hitting closer to home.
I'm trying to keep it together.
All I know to do is ask God to guide and comfort me. To sure up my faith and confidence in all being in divine order. To hold me tight so I can pray for all of the others who need to be held. Who need to be comforted and soothed and reminded that You have us all. Even when it feels dark. Even when it gets trying. Even when the tears are flowing.
I will pray. And pray hard. Anyway.
Lord, I lift my voice to pray for peace in the midst of the storm.
In the past 24 hours, I have stomached hearing of at least five heart wrenching stories of stuff that loved ones and strangers are going through (that includes yesterday's tragedy at the Boston marathon).
I feel a huge bloating sensation in the the pit of my stomach. As if, with each story, I have inhaled a breath that won't exhale away.
I have prayed. And prayed. And prayed all day.
I'm trying not to feel overwhelming sadness.
I'm trying to feel like this is still all worth it.
I'm trying not to feel like I need to just run home and stay up under my family and loved ones because of the looming threat of another phone call hitting closer to home.
I'm trying to keep it together.
All I know to do is ask God to guide and comfort me. To sure up my faith and confidence in all being in divine order. To hold me tight so I can pray for all of the others who need to be held. Who need to be comforted and soothed and reminded that You have us all. Even when it feels dark. Even when it gets trying. Even when the tears are flowing.
I will pray. And pray hard. Anyway.
Lord, I lift my voice to pray for peace in the midst of the storm.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Pest Control, Grant Retreat, Funerals, Reality TV...Distractions, Distractions, Distractions!!!!
I'm secretly getting frustrated with myself...maybe, not so secretly. I guess when you know that you are the only thing in between yourself and at least a second draft of this dissertation proposal, you wake up everyday with the intent to make today THE day that you get your stuff together. But, there's always something.
Last week it was running errands for the final event for the grant; then I had to go a funeral in New Jersey; then I had to take every item out of my cabinets in the kitchen and bathroom areas for the building pest control; then I had to put all the stuff back; then I had to go to a meeting for the Research department; then I had to do a conference call with my fellowship Director, in between all of this I'm on Facebook or the phone talking to everyone about all of the ways that they're distracted by their own life problems, then there's any and every single last little thing that happens in between 7am and midnite when I'm officially too tired to even try to read or write anything.
Translation: I'M STILL WORKING ON THE SAME FRICKIN REVISIONS THAT I STARTED AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SEMESTER.
I feel a mix of things most days: 1) I'm not working hard enough; 2) I NEED HELP and am having trouble because I'm constantly working in isolation; 3) This is just all part of the process 4) If something doesn't give, I'M NEVER GOING TO FINISH!!!!
Today, as we hit near 90 degrees in April, and all the sandals and sundresses came out, it hit me that I am approaching my third rotation of the seasons in this place. While I soaked in the cheeriness of the sun, I also freaked out a little bit.
I mean, in my heart I truly believe that it will all work out, but I'm just looking forward to the point when I feel like I'm really in a groove. Cuz this other piecemeal writing stuff I got going on is for the birds.
I know a part of the work that I need to do involves relinquishing worry and better balancing my energy and my time. I guess I'm struggling some with listening inward and figuring out my own rhythm. Like, when do I work best and what elements do I really need to get writing? Is it the stoic stiffness of a library, or just creating a structured environment at my desk or study room in the complex that will do the trick ...Or do I need to go on a talk and tv fast? I DON'T KNOW!!!!
Maybe I just need to start somewhere. I committed to my accountability group last weekend that I would just set small goals each day. Tomorrow I'm really going to get up and do that.
I can say, that I've been doing a little bit better toward my health goals. I started the squat challenge (Lawd Gee-Sus my thighs been on FIRE!!!) and I did a little juicing and a nutritious summer salad meal today. Go Me! Baby steps.
...
I must say, I feel a little bit better now that I actually wrote all these scattered thoughts out. #exhale
Anywho...I need to do my wind down ritual so I can go at it all again tomorrow.
Wish me luck...better yet, PRAY FOR ME!
Last week it was running errands for the final event for the grant; then I had to go a funeral in New Jersey; then I had to take every item out of my cabinets in the kitchen and bathroom areas for the building pest control; then I had to put all the stuff back; then I had to go to a meeting for the Research department; then I had to do a conference call with my fellowship Director, in between all of this I'm on Facebook or the phone talking to everyone about all of the ways that they're distracted by their own life problems, then there's any and every single last little thing that happens in between 7am and midnite when I'm officially too tired to even try to read or write anything.
Translation: I'M STILL WORKING ON THE SAME FRICKIN REVISIONS THAT I STARTED AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SEMESTER.
I feel a mix of things most days: 1) I'm not working hard enough; 2) I NEED HELP and am having trouble because I'm constantly working in isolation; 3) This is just all part of the process 4) If something doesn't give, I'M NEVER GOING TO FINISH!!!!
Today, as we hit near 90 degrees in April, and all the sandals and sundresses came out, it hit me that I am approaching my third rotation of the seasons in this place. While I soaked in the cheeriness of the sun, I also freaked out a little bit.
I mean, in my heart I truly believe that it will all work out, but I'm just looking forward to the point when I feel like I'm really in a groove. Cuz this other piecemeal writing stuff I got going on is for the birds.
I know a part of the work that I need to do involves relinquishing worry and better balancing my energy and my time. I guess I'm struggling some with listening inward and figuring out my own rhythm. Like, when do I work best and what elements do I really need to get writing? Is it the stoic stiffness of a library, or just creating a structured environment at my desk or study room in the complex that will do the trick ...Or do I need to go on a talk and tv fast? I DON'T KNOW!!!!
Maybe I just need to start somewhere. I committed to my accountability group last weekend that I would just set small goals each day. Tomorrow I'm really going to get up and do that.
I can say, that I've been doing a little bit better toward my health goals. I started the squat challenge (Lawd Gee-Sus my thighs been on FIRE!!!) and I did a little juicing and a nutritious summer salad meal today. Go Me! Baby steps.
...
I must say, I feel a little bit better now that I actually wrote all these scattered thoughts out. #exhale
Anywho...I need to do my wind down ritual so I can go at it all again tomorrow.
Wish me luck...better yet, PRAY FOR ME!
Monday, April 8, 2013
My First Lesson
Yesterday with three seconds to go, I was thrown the alley oop...okay okay that's a little dramatic. But just a few minutes before the data analysis class that I observe was set to start, the professor wasn't feeling well and asked me to teach.
I was excited and nervous. I hadn't read the chapter or seen her slides for the PowerPoint presentation. As the students filed in the room, I skimmed through the section on Bivariate tests and Pearson's Correlation Coefficient and it was show time.
I breathed a sigh of relief that this was material I was familiar with. I thought on my feet about how to engage the class and get through this two hour lesson. And then I just went to work.
I started off with examples and then made my way through the first 15 slides. No hiccups. I was able to answer the questions they had and keep us moving. At the midpoint, I definitely noticed the wandering eyes of students who were perusing laptops doing work for other courses and getting a little distracted. So we took a break and then got back to it.
By 12, I had finished my first impromptu lesson and felt pretty good about it. The students gave good feedback and everyone seemed to understand the premise of what we were doing and how we could apply it to everyday social work practice.
I really liked it. I can definitely see myself teaching Stats and other courses, and more importantly being good at it. Next semester I'll have my shot at doing this for a full semester. It should be interesting! This was a good taste of what's to come.
I was excited and nervous. I hadn't read the chapter or seen her slides for the PowerPoint presentation. As the students filed in the room, I skimmed through the section on Bivariate tests and Pearson's Correlation Coefficient and it was show time.
I breathed a sigh of relief that this was material I was familiar with. I thought on my feet about how to engage the class and get through this two hour lesson. And then I just went to work.
I started off with examples and then made my way through the first 15 slides. No hiccups. I was able to answer the questions they had and keep us moving. At the midpoint, I definitely noticed the wandering eyes of students who were perusing laptops doing work for other courses and getting a little distracted. So we took a break and then got back to it.
By 12, I had finished my first impromptu lesson and felt pretty good about it. The students gave good feedback and everyone seemed to understand the premise of what we were doing and how we could apply it to everyday social work practice.
I really liked it. I can definitely see myself teaching Stats and other courses, and more importantly being good at it. Next semester I'll have my shot at doing this for a full semester. It should be interesting! This was a good taste of what's to come.
Monday, March 11, 2013
I SURRENDER...to my own pace.
There's always lots to do. You need to be writing and reading and proposing ALL the time. Since transitioning from coursework to strictly working on my dissertation, I've been trying to figure out how to do it ALL!
I'm finding, however, that the pressure to produce is making me unproductive. Every time I try and force some writing in moments when I feel exhausted or unbalanced, I end up disappointed. And then, in moments when I surrender to what feels good to me, I get much more accomplished.
It's a tough act to manage. The reality of this industry is that I need to be making things happen. I should be getting more presentations and publications under my belt. But I truly don't work well when it feels forced.
Hopefully, soon, I'll be able to report that I've figured it out. I imagine in hindsight, I'll see that everything unfolded right on time, but for now, all I can do is relinquish the fight and ask God to have Her way.
I'm finding, however, that the pressure to produce is making me unproductive. Every time I try and force some writing in moments when I feel exhausted or unbalanced, I end up disappointed. And then, in moments when I surrender to what feels good to me, I get much more accomplished.
It's a tough act to manage. The reality of this industry is that I need to be making things happen. I should be getting more presentations and publications under my belt. But I truly don't work well when it feels forced.
Hopefully, soon, I'll be able to report that I've figured it out. I imagine in hindsight, I'll see that everything unfolded right on time, but for now, all I can do is relinquish the fight and ask God to have Her way.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Charter Day!
Tonight I was among the glitz and glam at Howard's 146th charter day gala. I wasn't wearing any of the sparkly dresses, but I was in the building!
Rewind selecta...a few days ago I got a call from the Dean of my department cordially inviting me to have a seat at the social work table for the event. My social phobia alarm immediately went off although I managed to confirm my acceptance of the invitation before the end of the call. I was anxious because I knew this would mean the arduous task of finding an outfit and giving hair, and the way my checking and savings was set up (in my Kevin Hart voice) I knew I was gonna have to rub pennies to make it happen.
Fast forward... I'm at the Washington Hilton with a buddy from my cohort, dressed down, compared to most, in my basic black dress and Tar-zhay pearls. But instead of having an awkward black girl kind of night, I actually had a really good time.
Anika Noni Rose helped open the event in song. Later, after shrimp, lobster, beef (not for me of course) and a tasty desert plate, Howard alumni were honored for their accomplishments.
It was pretty cool to see people who'd come from where I am now being honored and others being able to donate hundreds of thousands of dollars on the spot for students like me to be able to stay in school.
All in all, I really had a great time. Events like these are slowly luring me out of my tendency for isolation and are helping to serve as intermittent reminders of why it's all worth it!
Rewind selecta...a few days ago I got a call from the Dean of my department cordially inviting me to have a seat at the social work table for the event. My social phobia alarm immediately went off although I managed to confirm my acceptance of the invitation before the end of the call. I was anxious because I knew this would mean the arduous task of finding an outfit and giving hair, and the way my checking and savings was set up (in my Kevin Hart voice) I knew I was gonna have to rub pennies to make it happen.
Fast forward... I'm at the Washington Hilton with a buddy from my cohort, dressed down, compared to most, in my basic black dress and Tar-zhay pearls. But instead of having an awkward black girl kind of night, I actually had a really good time.
Anika Noni Rose helped open the event in song. Later, after shrimp, lobster, beef (not for me of course) and a tasty desert plate, Howard alumni were honored for their accomplishments.
It was pretty cool to see people who'd come from where I am now being honored and others being able to donate hundreds of thousands of dollars on the spot for students like me to be able to stay in school.
All in all, I really had a great time. Events like these are slowly luring me out of my tendency for isolation and are helping to serve as intermittent reminders of why it's all worth it!
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
When you're waiting for the break in the clouds you can forget to be grateful for the light in your life.
So I've been on the beach for the past hour or so but I've been sulking. Yup, acting like a pretty spoiled brat. My Problem: I want to bake in the sun so I can have the stamp of vacation on my skin when I return North, but the clouds are out.
I can tell I'm being visibly disappointed. I need to check myself. Here I am with the brilliantly beautiful opportunity to be close to crystal blue waters while many people are freezing and trying not to step in the murky residue from snow and freezing rains and I'm finding more reasons to be down than happy. I need to get my life.
So instead I will write a gratitude prayer:
Most perfect position eternal Master I welcome you with thanksgiving. I thank you for all of the elements of life that you have afforded us; These clouds and winds and light rains that currently dance around this soft-to-the-touch sand. I thank you for my company. Lawrence, my partner in love and happiness and great vacations and Michele, his sister, who has sacrificed a lot to show us an amazing time. I thank you for the opportunity to be here right now. For the financial and spiritual blessings that paved the way for me to be right here. I am grateful. Thank you for the ancestors whose voices sing with the ebb and flow of the ocean. Their love and sacrifices, their joys and challenges. Their endurance, that I might be here. Right now.
Thank you for your forgiveness oh God during moments like this when we sit in human emotion and easily forget the bigger picture. Yet you love us anyway. I thank you.
I am truly grateful for this life you are loaning me oh God. May I remember to always be a reflection of gratitude and to always be present to the blessing, no matter what its form.
Thank you!
Amen and Ashe!
I can tell I'm being visibly disappointed. I need to check myself. Here I am with the brilliantly beautiful opportunity to be close to crystal blue waters while many people are freezing and trying not to step in the murky residue from snow and freezing rains and I'm finding more reasons to be down than happy. I need to get my life.
So instead I will write a gratitude prayer:
Most perfect position eternal Master I welcome you with thanksgiving. I thank you for all of the elements of life that you have afforded us; These clouds and winds and light rains that currently dance around this soft-to-the-touch sand. I thank you for my company. Lawrence, my partner in love and happiness and great vacations and Michele, his sister, who has sacrificed a lot to show us an amazing time. I thank you for the opportunity to be here right now. For the financial and spiritual blessings that paved the way for me to be right here. I am grateful. Thank you for the ancestors whose voices sing with the ebb and flow of the ocean. Their love and sacrifices, their joys and challenges. Their endurance, that I might be here. Right now.
Thank you for your forgiveness oh God during moments like this when we sit in human emotion and easily forget the bigger picture. Yet you love us anyway. I thank you.
I am truly grateful for this life you are loaning me oh God. May I remember to always be a reflection of gratitude and to always be present to the blessing, no matter what its form.
Thank you!
Amen and Ashe!
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Gone Fishin'
So just in case I haven't been clear, I'M ON VACATION!!!!! No, this isn't spring break or any official school vacation, I just decided to be out!
So Lawrence and I have been North Lauderdale, Florida since last Tuesday. We're staying with his sister and brother in law, and I must say it's been nothing short of amazing. We hit the streets every day to do something new; we are enjoying some of the best sea food we've ever tasted; and while there's snowy and cold conditions for everyone back home, we're in sandals and sunglasses everyday!!! The life!
Yesterday, I had my first experience with fishing. It was pretty cool. Made me think a lot about my dad. I caught one fish while others around me reeled in sharks and numerous other finned friends (Lawrence caught 5); I don't think the used to be vegan in me really had it to keep the poor thing (let alone eat it) so I asked to throw mine back. It was too small to keep anyway they said. otherwise, besides getting sea sick, the experience was really cool.
I've also gotten to experience Cirque du Soleil and some of the most amazingly talented people on earth. It was dope! I'm hopeful to catch the Michael Jackson version of the show soon.
Anyways, we're en route to see more of Miner's friends for BBQ, but I just wanted to keep you up to date.
Til next time...to da beach!!!!
So Lawrence and I have been North Lauderdale, Florida since last Tuesday. We're staying with his sister and brother in law, and I must say it's been nothing short of amazing. We hit the streets every day to do something new; we are enjoying some of the best sea food we've ever tasted; and while there's snowy and cold conditions for everyone back home, we're in sandals and sunglasses everyday!!! The life!
Yesterday, I had my first experience with fishing. It was pretty cool. Made me think a lot about my dad. I caught one fish while others around me reeled in sharks and numerous other finned friends (Lawrence caught 5); I don't think the used to be vegan in me really had it to keep the poor thing (let alone eat it) so I asked to throw mine back. It was too small to keep anyway they said. otherwise, besides getting sea sick, the experience was really cool.
I've also gotten to experience Cirque du Soleil and some of the most amazingly talented people on earth. It was dope! I'm hopeful to catch the Michael Jackson version of the show soon.
Anyways, we're en route to see more of Miner's friends for BBQ, but I just wanted to keep you up to date.
Til next time...to da beach!!!!
Friday, February 22, 2013
6:51AM
This morning I watched the sunrise from a beach in Fort Lauderdale. It was the most beautiful thing I've seen in a while. I'm grateful to God for opportunities like this to take in the greatness around me. As the waters washed upon me and the sand took home in the creases of my toes, I was grounded in the beauty of God. I thought about family, I thought about the ancestors, I thought about love. I truly felt blessed. May the rays of the sun envelope my spirit and reflect out to yours.
Have a fantastic day!
Have a fantastic day!
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Just get me to the Mall.
The last time, I watched from the auditorium at the high school where I worked.
Actually, I paced back and forth between the crowded auditorium and the security desk at the front where their miniature television manifested much better reception than the big screen. It was cool to witness the enthusiasm of teens looking on (once they finally found the channel and fixed the picture) as the first African-American was sworn into presidency. I was excited...and had mixed emotions. I was proud to see someone who looked like us get this opportunity, but nervous about whether or not this would be more symbolic than anything; essentially I feared that some of the hardships that my kids and I pondered in my office during countless counseling sessions wouldn't really change simply because the person in "power" happened to finally mirror our complexion.
After four years, there's been some gains and some pushback. Lots of criticism and room for improvement. But, for me, having President Obama have the option to go at it again was FAR better than the alternative. And this time, when he took the oath, the excited and hopeful part of me was determined to be there.
So, we planned. Lawrence came down. We made a BIG weekend of it. Hung out with friends and plotted a trek to the Mall. Having heard the horror stories of ticket holders the first go-round (sorry Ghasi), we didn't try to get any special passes from local leaders' lotteries or from friends with inside connections; we just planned to find our way through to where they'd let us stand among the ticketless. No matter how many miles we ended up from the Capitol where it was all going down, we just planned to BE there.
At about 6:30 Monday morning (on Martin Luther King's National Holiday) the alarm went off and I got straight up. We zombied around trying to catch momentum. We dressed in layers of clothing. Ate a power breakfast. And then braced ourselves for the like-minded masses.
To our surprise, the Red line had very few passengers. At about 9:30 (with a swearing in start time of 2 hours later), we only met a few people whose energy seemed to match our intentions. Others looked like they were members of the few who didn't get the day off, or just had "business-as-usual" swag. (We joked that they were on their way to the secret Republican party gathering). We eavesdropped on those who seemed to be strategizing for a departure stop on the metro. We knew we didn't have tickets, so we passed up the prompts of the passengers who were flaunting their golden passes into special sections of the streets, and instead followed people who looked empty handed. Surprisingly, one of the more popular Metro stations didn't boast of the crowds we anticipated. So at Metro Center, we got off.
When we made our way outside, this giddy feeling began to arise from the surface of my belly; I was "kid in a candy store" excited. I wanted to smile at everyone, take pictures like tourists and make my way to the mall as fast as possible to stand among the others. Some of my excitement was tamed, however, by the sight of bus barricades and military hummers...it kind of looked a little "end-of-days" or Marshall-lawish. I calmed down real quick. And then Lawrence took us in the wrong direction. Yup, we walked for a few blocks, against the crowds further away from the Mall than my very excited butt hoped. Thanks to our first encounter with a red hatted volunteer, we were shortly corrected.
But, that was just the start of a series of wrong turns and contradicting messages we'd get for the next almost two hours. We started to feel the burn of frustration and got to the brink of "let's just go home"...but we persevered. And just before the screens lit up on the Mall with signs of the official entrance of the First family onto the stage, we were in place with the rest of the near millions who'd come for the same purpose.
There were free, mini-American flags and speeches, and cheering, and singing, and celebrities, and the stunning First Lady GIVING EVERYTHING with her outfit and new bangs, and her girls looking lovely in purple and lavender, and, of course, the Commander-in-Chief. And we smiled away. Taking pics and ecstatic that we made a moment in national and personal history. We would be among the crowds that the history books will talk about. We would be able to share the story with our families and future family. There was pride, there was community, there was joy. And we were a part of it.
Before long, after Beyonce's final bow, we gathered with friends for a lengthy, maze-walk back to the metro. Excited faces now looked a little weary. Jumping legs now grew tired and were forced to find the energy to move on in order to make it home. There were more barricades and arduous walks in wrong directions, but we made it.
After satiating our rowdy bellies and crawling into the warmth of home, we watched the parade that we'd opted out of until our eyes gave in to a mid-afternoon nap.
What a tremendous experience.
All I can say is I'm so glad we made it.
Actually, I paced back and forth between the crowded auditorium and the security desk at the front where their miniature television manifested much better reception than the big screen. It was cool to witness the enthusiasm of teens looking on (once they finally found the channel and fixed the picture) as the first African-American was sworn into presidency. I was excited...and had mixed emotions. I was proud to see someone who looked like us get this opportunity, but nervous about whether or not this would be more symbolic than anything; essentially I feared that some of the hardships that my kids and I pondered in my office during countless counseling sessions wouldn't really change simply because the person in "power" happened to finally mirror our complexion.
After four years, there's been some gains and some pushback. Lots of criticism and room for improvement. But, for me, having President Obama have the option to go at it again was FAR better than the alternative. And this time, when he took the oath, the excited and hopeful part of me was determined to be there.
So, we planned. Lawrence came down. We made a BIG weekend of it. Hung out with friends and plotted a trek to the Mall. Having heard the horror stories of ticket holders the first go-round (sorry Ghasi), we didn't try to get any special passes from local leaders' lotteries or from friends with inside connections; we just planned to find our way through to where they'd let us stand among the ticketless. No matter how many miles we ended up from the Capitol where it was all going down, we just planned to BE there.
At about 6:30 Monday morning (on Martin Luther King's National Holiday) the alarm went off and I got straight up. We zombied around trying to catch momentum. We dressed in layers of clothing. Ate a power breakfast. And then braced ourselves for the like-minded masses.
To our surprise, the Red line had very few passengers. At about 9:30 (with a swearing in start time of 2 hours later), we only met a few people whose energy seemed to match our intentions. Others looked like they were members of the few who didn't get the day off, or just had "business-as-usual" swag. (We joked that they were on their way to the secret Republican party gathering). We eavesdropped on those who seemed to be strategizing for a departure stop on the metro. We knew we didn't have tickets, so we passed up the prompts of the passengers who were flaunting their golden passes into special sections of the streets, and instead followed people who looked empty handed. Surprisingly, one of the more popular Metro stations didn't boast of the crowds we anticipated. So at Metro Center, we got off.
When we made our way outside, this giddy feeling began to arise from the surface of my belly; I was "kid in a candy store" excited. I wanted to smile at everyone, take pictures like tourists and make my way to the mall as fast as possible to stand among the others. Some of my excitement was tamed, however, by the sight of bus barricades and military hummers...it kind of looked a little "end-of-days" or Marshall-lawish. I calmed down real quick. And then Lawrence took us in the wrong direction. Yup, we walked for a few blocks, against the crowds further away from the Mall than my very excited butt hoped. Thanks to our first encounter with a red hatted volunteer, we were shortly corrected.
But, that was just the start of a series of wrong turns and contradicting messages we'd get for the next almost two hours. We started to feel the burn of frustration and got to the brink of "let's just go home"...but we persevered. And just before the screens lit up on the Mall with signs of the official entrance of the First family onto the stage, we were in place with the rest of the near millions who'd come for the same purpose.
There were free, mini-American flags and speeches, and cheering, and singing, and celebrities, and the stunning First Lady GIVING EVERYTHING with her outfit and new bangs, and her girls looking lovely in purple and lavender, and, of course, the Commander-in-Chief. And we smiled away. Taking pics and ecstatic that we made a moment in national and personal history. We would be among the crowds that the history books will talk about. We would be able to share the story with our families and future family. There was pride, there was community, there was joy. And we were a part of it.
Before long, after Beyonce's final bow, we gathered with friends for a lengthy, maze-walk back to the metro. Excited faces now looked a little weary. Jumping legs now grew tired and were forced to find the energy to move on in order to make it home. There were more barricades and arduous walks in wrong directions, but we made it.
After satiating our rowdy bellies and crawling into the warmth of home, we watched the parade that we'd opted out of until our eyes gave in to a mid-afternoon nap.
What a tremendous experience.
All I can say is I'm so glad we made it.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Resolution
The holidays were a mixed bag. A lot of transitions happened over the break. I'll make that mean that there are just that many more warriors to watch and to guide us.
I spent the break in the Big City. My first real extended period of time at home home. I did Christmas and New Years with the family and got some time to travel around my old stomping grounds and see friends. I was well pleased.
It was weird to return this time. Not just because of the door-to-door van ride experience from NY to MD, but because I knew that everything with school now would be different. This semester, I have absolutely no classes. There's no waiting around for exam results. It's really just me and my dissertation proposal. I may have given you this whole spiel before, but now that I've been back for two weeks it's really hitting me.
I recently re-read the proposal draft that I handed in just before leaving for break, and...it sounded like a foreign novel. After putting it down for just three weeks, I felt kind of unfamiliar with my own work; a piece that I'd grew very familiar with last semester--I could probably recite sections of it because I worked and reworked it sooooooo many times that it became second nature. And now, it was as if me and those 43 pages were strangers. Uh oh.
So, as you may have guessed, I've been a little in panic mode. I feel like the days are passing and instead of adding to what I've done and preparing to re-submit, I feel like I'm starting over.
But, there is a silver lining. I guess, having the chance to revisit my work with fresh eyes I found room for refinement; for really clarifying my concepts and for reconnecting myself to why this work will reflect the reason why I got back into this school thing in the first place. I resolved one thing: this process is NOT going to be any walk in the park. Coming to terms with that, I can breathe and keep pushing.
Otherwise, this year is also the start of a good transition for myself. I've been inspired by peers who are really taking action in their lives and working to make a difference for others in the process. While in self-reflection mode, I acknowledged the ways in which I sometimes watch life pass and then live in regret. I then decided that I was done with living that story.
Lawrence often sings this line from a rap song: "Each day is another chance to do the things I could've, done the day before, but I didn't, even though I should've". For some reason these words have been haunting me. So, I've used them for inspiration. This year, I resolve to take action. I've created a to-do book. In it I've filled up pages with things that I keep intending to do. Each day I choose an action, and I don't sleep until it's done...Then I cross it off. So far, I've fulfilled on 6 actions since I've started (6 days ago). Please feel free to borrow the idea! Then we can celebrate together!
So, I look forward to updating you on what I create. I'm committed to making this year be about really living...and I'm absolutely looking forward to crossing off "complete dissertation" from the list. Prayerfully, in the very near future.
Stay tuned.
I spent the break in the Big City. My first real extended period of time at home home. I did Christmas and New Years with the family and got some time to travel around my old stomping grounds and see friends. I was well pleased.
It was weird to return this time. Not just because of the door-to-door van ride experience from NY to MD, but because I knew that everything with school now would be different. This semester, I have absolutely no classes. There's no waiting around for exam results. It's really just me and my dissertation proposal. I may have given you this whole spiel before, but now that I've been back for two weeks it's really hitting me.
I recently re-read the proposal draft that I handed in just before leaving for break, and...it sounded like a foreign novel. After putting it down for just three weeks, I felt kind of unfamiliar with my own work; a piece that I'd grew very familiar with last semester--I could probably recite sections of it because I worked and reworked it sooooooo many times that it became second nature. And now, it was as if me and those 43 pages were strangers. Uh oh.
So, as you may have guessed, I've been a little in panic mode. I feel like the days are passing and instead of adding to what I've done and preparing to re-submit, I feel like I'm starting over.
But, there is a silver lining. I guess, having the chance to revisit my work with fresh eyes I found room for refinement; for really clarifying my concepts and for reconnecting myself to why this work will reflect the reason why I got back into this school thing in the first place. I resolved one thing: this process is NOT going to be any walk in the park. Coming to terms with that, I can breathe and keep pushing.
Otherwise, this year is also the start of a good transition for myself. I've been inspired by peers who are really taking action in their lives and working to make a difference for others in the process. While in self-reflection mode, I acknowledged the ways in which I sometimes watch life pass and then live in regret. I then decided that I was done with living that story.
Lawrence often sings this line from a rap song: "Each day is another chance to do the things I could've, done the day before, but I didn't, even though I should've". For some reason these words have been haunting me. So, I've used them for inspiration. This year, I resolve to take action. I've created a to-do book. In it I've filled up pages with things that I keep intending to do. Each day I choose an action, and I don't sleep until it's done...Then I cross it off. So far, I've fulfilled on 6 actions since I've started (6 days ago). Please feel free to borrow the idea! Then we can celebrate together!
So, I look forward to updating you on what I create. I'm committed to making this year be about really living...and I'm absolutely looking forward to crossing off "complete dissertation" from the list. Prayerfully, in the very near future.
Stay tuned.
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