The last time, I watched from the auditorium at the high school where I worked.
Actually, I paced back and forth between the crowded auditorium and the security desk at the front where their miniature television manifested much better reception than the big screen. It was cool to witness the enthusiasm of teens looking on (once they finally found the channel and fixed the picture) as the first African-American was sworn into presidency. I was excited...and had mixed emotions. I was proud to see someone who looked like us get this opportunity, but nervous about whether or not this would be more symbolic than anything; essentially I feared that some of the hardships that my kids and I pondered in my office during countless counseling sessions wouldn't really change simply because the person in "power" happened to finally mirror our complexion.
After four years, there's been some gains and some pushback. Lots of criticism and room for improvement. But, for me, having President Obama have the option to go at it again was FAR better than the alternative. And this time, when he took the oath, the excited and hopeful part of me was determined to be there.
So, we planned. Lawrence came down. We made a BIG weekend of it. Hung out with friends and plotted a trek to the Mall. Having heard the horror stories of ticket holders the first go-round (sorry Ghasi), we didn't try to get any special passes from local leaders' lotteries or from friends with inside connections; we just planned to find our way through to where they'd let us stand among the ticketless. No matter how many miles we ended up from the Capitol where it was all going down, we just planned to BE there.
At about 6:30 Monday morning (on Martin Luther King's National Holiday) the alarm went off and I got straight up. We zombied around trying to catch momentum. We dressed in layers of clothing. Ate a power breakfast. And then braced ourselves for the like-minded masses.
To our surprise, the Red line had very few passengers. At about 9:30 (with a swearing in start time of 2 hours later), we only met a few people whose energy seemed to match our intentions. Others looked like they were members of the few who didn't get the day off, or just had "business-as-usual" swag. (We joked that they were on their way to the secret Republican party gathering). We eavesdropped on those who seemed to be strategizing for a departure stop on the metro. We knew we didn't have tickets, so we passed up the prompts of the passengers who were flaunting their golden passes into special sections of the streets, and instead followed people who looked empty handed. Surprisingly, one of the more popular Metro stations didn't boast of the crowds we anticipated. So at Metro Center, we got off.
When we made our way outside, this giddy feeling began to arise from the surface of my belly; I was "kid in a candy store" excited. I wanted to smile at everyone, take pictures like tourists and make my way to the mall as fast as possible to stand among the others. Some of my excitement was tamed, however, by the sight of bus barricades and military hummers...it kind of looked a little "end-of-days" or Marshall-lawish. I calmed down real quick. And then Lawrence took us in the wrong direction. Yup, we walked for a few blocks, against the crowds further away from the Mall than my very excited butt hoped. Thanks to our first encounter with a red hatted volunteer, we were shortly corrected.
But, that was just the start of a series of wrong turns and contradicting messages we'd get for the next almost two hours. We started to feel the burn of frustration and got to the brink of "let's just go home"...but we persevered. And just before the screens lit up on the Mall with signs of the official entrance of the First family onto the stage, we were in place with the rest of the near millions who'd come for the same purpose.
There were free, mini-American flags and speeches, and cheering, and singing, and celebrities, and the stunning First Lady GIVING EVERYTHING with her outfit and new bangs, and her girls looking lovely in purple and lavender, and, of course, the Commander-in-Chief. And we smiled away. Taking pics and ecstatic that we made a moment in national and personal history. We would be among the crowds that the history books will talk about. We would be able to share the story with our families and future family. There was pride, there was community, there was joy. And we were a part of it.
Before long, after Beyonce's final bow, we gathered with friends for a lengthy, maze-walk back to the metro. Excited faces now looked a little weary. Jumping legs now grew tired and were forced to find the energy to move on in order to make it home. There were more barricades and arduous walks in wrong directions, but we made it.
After satiating our rowdy bellies and crawling into the warmth of home, we watched the parade that we'd opted out of until our eyes gave in to a mid-afternoon nap.
What a tremendous experience.
All I can say is I'm so glad we made it.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Resolution
The holidays were a mixed bag. A lot of transitions happened over the break. I'll make that mean that there are just that many more warriors to watch and to guide us.
I spent the break in the Big City. My first real extended period of time at home home. I did Christmas and New Years with the family and got some time to travel around my old stomping grounds and see friends. I was well pleased.
It was weird to return this time. Not just because of the door-to-door van ride experience from NY to MD, but because I knew that everything with school now would be different. This semester, I have absolutely no classes. There's no waiting around for exam results. It's really just me and my dissertation proposal. I may have given you this whole spiel before, but now that I've been back for two weeks it's really hitting me.
I recently re-read the proposal draft that I handed in just before leaving for break, and...it sounded like a foreign novel. After putting it down for just three weeks, I felt kind of unfamiliar with my own work; a piece that I'd grew very familiar with last semester--I could probably recite sections of it because I worked and reworked it sooooooo many times that it became second nature. And now, it was as if me and those 43 pages were strangers. Uh oh.
So, as you may have guessed, I've been a little in panic mode. I feel like the days are passing and instead of adding to what I've done and preparing to re-submit, I feel like I'm starting over.
But, there is a silver lining. I guess, having the chance to revisit my work with fresh eyes I found room for refinement; for really clarifying my concepts and for reconnecting myself to why this work will reflect the reason why I got back into this school thing in the first place. I resolved one thing: this process is NOT going to be any walk in the park. Coming to terms with that, I can breathe and keep pushing.
Otherwise, this year is also the start of a good transition for myself. I've been inspired by peers who are really taking action in their lives and working to make a difference for others in the process. While in self-reflection mode, I acknowledged the ways in which I sometimes watch life pass and then live in regret. I then decided that I was done with living that story.
Lawrence often sings this line from a rap song: "Each day is another chance to do the things I could've, done the day before, but I didn't, even though I should've". For some reason these words have been haunting me. So, I've used them for inspiration. This year, I resolve to take action. I've created a to-do book. In it I've filled up pages with things that I keep intending to do. Each day I choose an action, and I don't sleep until it's done...Then I cross it off. So far, I've fulfilled on 6 actions since I've started (6 days ago). Please feel free to borrow the idea! Then we can celebrate together!
So, I look forward to updating you on what I create. I'm committed to making this year be about really living...and I'm absolutely looking forward to crossing off "complete dissertation" from the list. Prayerfully, in the very near future.
Stay tuned.
I spent the break in the Big City. My first real extended period of time at home home. I did Christmas and New Years with the family and got some time to travel around my old stomping grounds and see friends. I was well pleased.
It was weird to return this time. Not just because of the door-to-door van ride experience from NY to MD, but because I knew that everything with school now would be different. This semester, I have absolutely no classes. There's no waiting around for exam results. It's really just me and my dissertation proposal. I may have given you this whole spiel before, but now that I've been back for two weeks it's really hitting me.
I recently re-read the proposal draft that I handed in just before leaving for break, and...it sounded like a foreign novel. After putting it down for just three weeks, I felt kind of unfamiliar with my own work; a piece that I'd grew very familiar with last semester--I could probably recite sections of it because I worked and reworked it sooooooo many times that it became second nature. And now, it was as if me and those 43 pages were strangers. Uh oh.
So, as you may have guessed, I've been a little in panic mode. I feel like the days are passing and instead of adding to what I've done and preparing to re-submit, I feel like I'm starting over.
But, there is a silver lining. I guess, having the chance to revisit my work with fresh eyes I found room for refinement; for really clarifying my concepts and for reconnecting myself to why this work will reflect the reason why I got back into this school thing in the first place. I resolved one thing: this process is NOT going to be any walk in the park. Coming to terms with that, I can breathe and keep pushing.
Otherwise, this year is also the start of a good transition for myself. I've been inspired by peers who are really taking action in their lives and working to make a difference for others in the process. While in self-reflection mode, I acknowledged the ways in which I sometimes watch life pass and then live in regret. I then decided that I was done with living that story.
Lawrence often sings this line from a rap song: "Each day is another chance to do the things I could've, done the day before, but I didn't, even though I should've". For some reason these words have been haunting me. So, I've used them for inspiration. This year, I resolve to take action. I've created a to-do book. In it I've filled up pages with things that I keep intending to do. Each day I choose an action, and I don't sleep until it's done...Then I cross it off. So far, I've fulfilled on 6 actions since I've started (6 days ago). Please feel free to borrow the idea! Then we can celebrate together!
So, I look forward to updating you on what I create. I'm committed to making this year be about really living...and I'm absolutely looking forward to crossing off "complete dissertation" from the list. Prayerfully, in the very near future.
Stay tuned.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)