I'm Published!!!!

This afternoon I received an email I'd been hoping for.

As you progress through this program, you constantly hear about the importance of publishing your work and presenting at conferences. It kind of gets to the point where it becomes a nagging thorn in your side that you're annoyed by, but need to pay attention to. Sometimes the idea of doing these things in addition to working your way out of dissertation land just feels overwhelming. The first two years it's like: "how am I supposed to focus on any assignments outside of what I need to hand in to get through the semester?". The third year it's like: "ain't nobody got time fo' that. I got a proposal to write".

Well, thanks to my qualitative research course last semester, I had an assignment that required me to submit an article for publication. A few months back I got word that there was interest in publishing my article in the Perspectives on Social Work Journal if I addressed some of their revisions. Recently, I resubmitted a revised version of the article with the suggested changes. Today, I got an email with a letter attached indicating that my article is officially en route to publication!!!

The words leapt off of the digital screen I was reading them from and plastered a smile of utter joy on my face. It was the perfect remedy for a really rough couple of days. A right-on-time reminder, that I am here, on purpose.

The real icing on the cake was seeing in real life what will now forever exist as the American Psychological Association's formatted citation of my work. I'll leave you with it:


Henderson, Z. (In Press). Reality TV therapy: Implications for mental health stigma and service
utilization among African-American adolescents. Perspectives on Social Work Journal.

God, please hear my call.

I watch nonsense tv to drown out the sounds of bad news. So tonight, let the marathon begin.

In the past 24 hours, I have stomached hearing of at least five heart wrenching stories of stuff that loved ones and strangers are going through (that includes yesterday's tragedy at the Boston marathon).

I feel a huge bloating sensation in the the pit of my stomach. As if, with each story, I have inhaled a breath that won't exhale away.

I have prayed. And prayed. And prayed all day.

I'm trying not to feel overwhelming sadness.

I'm trying to feel like this is still all worth it.

I'm trying not to feel like I need to just run home and stay up under my family and loved ones because of the looming threat of another phone call hitting closer to home.

I'm trying to keep it together.

All I know to do is ask God to guide and comfort me. To sure up my faith and confidence in all being in divine order. To hold me tight so I can pray for all of the others who need to be held. Who need to be comforted and soothed and reminded that You have us all. Even when it feels dark. Even when it gets trying. Even when the tears are flowing.

I will pray. And pray hard. Anyway.

Lord, I lift my voice to pray for peace in the midst of the storm.

Pest Control, Grant Retreat, Funerals, Reality TV...Distractions, Distractions, Distractions!!!!

I'm secretly getting frustrated with myself...maybe, not so secretly. I guess when you know that you are the only thing in between yourself and at least a second draft of this dissertation proposal, you wake up everyday with the intent to make today THE day that you get your stuff together. But, there's always something.

Last week it was running errands for the final event for the grant; then I had to go a funeral in New Jersey; then I had to take every item out of my cabinets in the kitchen and bathroom areas for the building pest control; then I had to put all the stuff back; then I had to go to a meeting for the Research department; then I had to do a conference call with my fellowship Director, in between all of this I'm on Facebook or the phone talking to everyone about all of the ways that they're distracted by their own life problems, then there's any and every single last little thing that happens in between 7am and midnite when I'm officially too tired to even try to read or write anything.

Translation: I'M STILL WORKING ON THE SAME FRICKIN REVISIONS THAT I STARTED AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SEMESTER.

I feel a mix of things most days: 1) I'm not working hard enough; 2) I NEED HELP and am having trouble because I'm constantly working in isolation; 3) This is just all part of the process 4) If something doesn't give, I'M NEVER GOING TO FINISH!!!!

Today, as we hit near 90 degrees in April, and all the sandals and sundresses came out, it hit me that I am approaching my third rotation of the seasons in this place. While I soaked in the cheeriness of the sun, I also freaked out a little bit.

I mean, in my heart I truly believe that it will all work out, but I'm just looking forward to the point when I feel like I'm really in a groove. Cuz this other piecemeal writing stuff I got going on is for the birds.

I know a part of the work that I need to do involves relinquishing worry and better balancing my energy and my time. I guess I'm struggling some with listening inward and figuring out my own rhythm. Like, when do I work best and what elements do I really need to get writing? Is it the stoic stiffness of a library, or just creating a structured environment at my desk or study room in the complex that will do the trick ...Or do I need to go on a talk and tv fast? I DON'T KNOW!!!!

Maybe I just need to start somewhere. I committed to my accountability group last weekend that I would just set small goals each day. Tomorrow I'm really going to get up and do that.

I can say, that I've been doing a little bit better toward my health goals. I started the squat challenge (Lawd Gee-Sus my thighs been on FIRE!!!) and I did a little juicing and a nutritious summer salad meal today. Go Me! Baby steps.

...

I must say, I feel a little bit better now that I actually wrote all these scattered thoughts out. #exhale

Anywho...I need to do my wind down ritual so I can go at it all again tomorrow.

Wish me luck...better yet, PRAY FOR ME!

My First Lesson

Yesterday with three seconds to go, I was thrown the alley oop...okay okay that's a little dramatic. But just a few minutes before the data analysis class that I observe was set to start, the professor wasn't feeling well and asked me to teach.

I was excited and nervous. I hadn't read the chapter or seen her slides for the PowerPoint presentation. As the students filed in the room, I skimmed through the section on Bivariate tests and Pearson's Correlation Coefficient and it was show time.

I breathed a sigh of relief that this was material I was familiar with. I thought on my feet about how to engage the class and get through this two hour lesson. And then I just went to work.

I started off with examples and then made my way through the first 15 slides. No hiccups. I was able to answer the questions they had and keep us moving. At the midpoint, I definitely noticed the wandering eyes of students who were perusing laptops doing work for other courses and getting a little distracted. So we took a break and then got back to it.

By 12, I had finished my first impromptu lesson and felt pretty good about it. The students gave good feedback and everyone seemed to understand the premise of what we were doing and how we could apply it to everyday social work practice.

I really liked it. I can definitely see myself teaching Stats and other courses, and more importantly being good at it. Next semester I'll have my shot at doing this for a full semester. It should be interesting! This was a good taste of what's to come.