You have NO idea what I just went through to get my documents submitted for candidacy. Let's just say I needed that "No Other Option" pep talk from my mentor.
Thank You Creator for aligning the stars in my favor. Miles to go before I sleep, but at least I can finally check that off my list.
Now, all I need is an email from IRB giving me the green light and IT'S ON!!!
#grateful
#whew
#nosleeptilgraduation
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Making a list…Checking it two, three, and four times!
I bought a chalk board to place on my front door a few months back. The purpose behind this purchase was to create a space where I could put reminders or encouraging notes for myself. I wanted something that would be visible to me, that I would be guaranteed to see at least once a day while sitting at home or on my way out the door.
That chalk board has recently been covered in lists of things to get done. The list was quite extensive as I prepared to leave for New York for the holidays. There were things that I would need to accomplish in the middle of the holiday meals, and I needed to stay on track with lots of dissertation stuff.
That list put kind of a dimmer on my break at home. It's contents meant that most of my time with family was spent with my face in the computer trying to meet deadlines. Some days, I just didn't know how I was going to get it all done. I was tired, anxious, and on the brink of throwing up my hands on a number of occasions.
Today, however, as I looked up, I was excited to see how much I had accomplished. In the past few days, I co-wrote and submitted an article, worked on my candidacy application, helped some other students with their work, sent emails regarding the progress of my IRB application, and designed and printed a 36x44 poster for a presentation I have tomorrow at a health disparities conference.
I'm exhausted, but proud. I wanted to take a second to acknowledge these victories and God for providing me with the strength and resources to persevere and get it done.
Whew!
Now, let's keep pushing.
#NoOtherOption
That chalk board has recently been covered in lists of things to get done. The list was quite extensive as I prepared to leave for New York for the holidays. There were things that I would need to accomplish in the middle of the holiday meals, and I needed to stay on track with lots of dissertation stuff.
That list put kind of a dimmer on my break at home. It's contents meant that most of my time with family was spent with my face in the computer trying to meet deadlines. Some days, I just didn't know how I was going to get it all done. I was tired, anxious, and on the brink of throwing up my hands on a number of occasions.
Today, however, as I looked up, I was excited to see how much I had accomplished. In the past few days, I co-wrote and submitted an article, worked on my candidacy application, helped some other students with their work, sent emails regarding the progress of my IRB application, and designed and printed a 36x44 poster for a presentation I have tomorrow at a health disparities conference.
I'm exhausted, but proud. I wanted to take a second to acknowledge these victories and God for providing me with the strength and resources to persevere and get it done.
Whew!
Now, let's keep pushing.
#NoOtherOption
Monday, November 24, 2014
Act like there's no other option.
This morning I spoke with my mentor.
I talked with her about my experiences so far with the dissertation process and asked for advice about how to approach the remainder of the process.
In so many words her advice to me was: "Act as if there's no other option but to graduate in May 2015".
Those words shut down my whole ambivalence operation and helped me to firmly claim what it is that I desire. It helped me to choose not be distracted or consumed by what's going on, or not going on, related to my dissertation progress, and to get in gear for beast mode.
So, when you see me over these next few months, just know that I'm on a mission.
#NOotheroption
I talked with her about my experiences so far with the dissertation process and asked for advice about how to approach the remainder of the process.
In so many words her advice to me was: "Act as if there's no other option but to graduate in May 2015".
Those words shut down my whole ambivalence operation and helped me to firmly claim what it is that I desire. It helped me to choose not be distracted or consumed by what's going on, or not going on, related to my dissertation progress, and to get in gear for beast mode.
So, when you see me over these next few months, just know that I'm on a mission.
#NOotheroption
Monday, November 17, 2014
Relinquish your attachment to the outcome.
I keep getting the message that if you are so attached to the outcome of something, you can miss out on the bigger picture.
A part of me is resisting the message. Another part of me is confused about how to wrap my head around what this really means, and how to apply it to what's going on right now.
I fully believe in attracting what you want and asking God to provide, so my prayers have definitely been about a May 2015 graduation. My actions have been following suit because "prayer/faith without work is dead". But this whole idea of getting things to work out for a May completion has really been challenging me. I feel like becoming so focused on things falling into place for graduation has made the process appear really tormenting and frustrating.
In the past two months, I have sat outside of people's offices for hours, pleaded for committee members to read and respond to my emails so I could have forward movement, and tried to network as much as possible to get what I needed to make deadlines. It has been exhausting. I'm pretty certain that this knot in my stomach is the result of all these things.
Each time I get close to a deadline and things seem to derail, I feel scared and borderline defeated. This has definitely been the case today.
I got an email this afternoon that made me worried about getting my candidacy application in on time to be eligible for this year's commencement. As I read the words on the email, I felt myself kind of crumble on the inside. All of that work to get things in to IRB for their last scheduled meeting, and it appears that things did not go as planned. I was crushed.
After a moment of wishing that my eyes had not seen what they did, I tried to regroup and figure it out. That message about not being attached to the outcome resurfaced, but all I could think of was what hurdles I might need to jump to make things work. I strategized in my head. I made one phone call that I hoped would get me some answers, but there was no answer on that line.
The rest of the day, there was a part of me that felt like I my dreams were escaping me. But there was an even stronger part that wanted to fight to push forward. Tomorrow, I will definitely do what I can to figure things out, but I know deep inside that the pursuit of this goal should feel freeing and not like this kind of battle.
"If we use any mental strain or effort trying to manifest our intentions, it doesn’t help – the tension will only delay and constrict the manifestation of desire."
That which is mine, destined for me, is already written. I know I have to relax into the plan for the divine, but the human part of me just has to acknowledge these feelings so they are not all suffocated on the inside.
I'm still praying and doing my best, but today, I just needed to say:
This is hard.
A part of me is resisting the message. Another part of me is confused about how to wrap my head around what this really means, and how to apply it to what's going on right now.
I fully believe in attracting what you want and asking God to provide, so my prayers have definitely been about a May 2015 graduation. My actions have been following suit because "prayer/faith without work is dead". But this whole idea of getting things to work out for a May completion has really been challenging me. I feel like becoming so focused on things falling into place for graduation has made the process appear really tormenting and frustrating.
In the past two months, I have sat outside of people's offices for hours, pleaded for committee members to read and respond to my emails so I could have forward movement, and tried to network as much as possible to get what I needed to make deadlines. It has been exhausting. I'm pretty certain that this knot in my stomach is the result of all these things.
Each time I get close to a deadline and things seem to derail, I feel scared and borderline defeated. This has definitely been the case today.
I got an email this afternoon that made me worried about getting my candidacy application in on time to be eligible for this year's commencement. As I read the words on the email, I felt myself kind of crumble on the inside. All of that work to get things in to IRB for their last scheduled meeting, and it appears that things did not go as planned. I was crushed.
After a moment of wishing that my eyes had not seen what they did, I tried to regroup and figure it out. That message about not being attached to the outcome resurfaced, but all I could think of was what hurdles I might need to jump to make things work. I strategized in my head. I made one phone call that I hoped would get me some answers, but there was no answer on that line.
The rest of the day, there was a part of me that felt like I my dreams were escaping me. But there was an even stronger part that wanted to fight to push forward. Tomorrow, I will definitely do what I can to figure things out, but I know deep inside that the pursuit of this goal should feel freeing and not like this kind of battle.
"If we use any mental strain or effort trying to manifest our intentions, it doesn’t help – the tension will only delay and constrict the manifestation of desire."
That which is mine, destined for me, is already written. I know I have to relax into the plan for the divine, but the human part of me just has to acknowledge these feelings so they are not all suffocated on the inside.
I'm still praying and doing my best, but today, I just needed to say:
This is hard.
Monday, November 10, 2014
Proposal Defended. IRB Complete.
After all the hype and anticipation around getting to the day of my proposal defense, I almost can't believe it has taken me this long to write this post.
Last week, today, I successfully defended my dissertation proposal. I was energized, charged, ready to go…and then, as if in the blink of an eye, it was over. Just like that.
I can loosely recall the details, because this experience was definitely up there among the "out-of-body" type, but I'll gather as much of a recap as I can below.
The morning of the defense, I got there about two hours early. I prepped the room, seated myself in front, and went into my zone. I listened to Dr. Joy Degruy's speeches in my headphones to get pumped up and prepared for the onslaught of questions that I had been anticipating. The time quickly approached for things to begin.
Just as quickly as we started, it was over.
I gave my spiel and then navigated two rounds of questions from my committee. At first, I wasn't so confident. I wasn't sure if the answers coming out of my mouth were coherent or if they were even directly addressing what I was asked. But I shortly settled into myself. I focused enough to hear and process what they were asking and then, with as much confidence as I could muster, I simply said what I thought.
When it was all over, I got really good feedback from my peers and from the faculty. It was nice to hear, but if I'm being honest, I definitely rummaged through my memory of the experience and scrutinized my performance for several hours, if not days, after it was done.
Ultimately, I concluded that I am proud of myself. I know I worked really hard to prep for that moment--let alone to even get to the place where there was a written proposal worthy to defend.
When it was all done, I was in this weird space--somewhere between celebrating and charging full speed ahead to the next step of the process. Maybe that's why it was hard for me to even think about writing this until today.
This afternoon, I finally marched my IRB packet down to the office to signal the completion/beginning of another huge step en route to the finish line.
I feel a little weird. I'm exhausted. I've been sick and watching nothing but television for the past few days. Part of me feels like my body just needed to exhale and release without worrying about anything academic oriented for a little while. But even in rest, you never fully take a break. I came to the conclusion today that maybe it just won't feel fully good or exciting until it's really, REALLY done.
I definitely don't want to rush my research and limit the contribution that it can make, but there's also a part of me that simply wants to be finished with school. I feel like it's really my time to transition from being a student to something else.
In the meantime, though, I won't miss out on the opportunity to say "Thank You" to God for ushering me through that experience.
Proposal = Successfully completed
Job. Well. Done.
Last week, today, I successfully defended my dissertation proposal. I was energized, charged, ready to go…and then, as if in the blink of an eye, it was over. Just like that.
I can loosely recall the details, because this experience was definitely up there among the "out-of-body" type, but I'll gather as much of a recap as I can below.
The morning of the defense, I got there about two hours early. I prepped the room, seated myself in front, and went into my zone. I listened to Dr. Joy Degruy's speeches in my headphones to get pumped up and prepared for the onslaught of questions that I had been anticipating. The time quickly approached for things to begin.
Just as quickly as we started, it was over.
I gave my spiel and then navigated two rounds of questions from my committee. At first, I wasn't so confident. I wasn't sure if the answers coming out of my mouth were coherent or if they were even directly addressing what I was asked. But I shortly settled into myself. I focused enough to hear and process what they were asking and then, with as much confidence as I could muster, I simply said what I thought.
When it was all over, I got really good feedback from my peers and from the faculty. It was nice to hear, but if I'm being honest, I definitely rummaged through my memory of the experience and scrutinized my performance for several hours, if not days, after it was done.
Ultimately, I concluded that I am proud of myself. I know I worked really hard to prep for that moment--let alone to even get to the place where there was a written proposal worthy to defend.
When it was all done, I was in this weird space--somewhere between celebrating and charging full speed ahead to the next step of the process. Maybe that's why it was hard for me to even think about writing this until today.
This afternoon, I finally marched my IRB packet down to the office to signal the completion/beginning of another huge step en route to the finish line.
I feel a little weird. I'm exhausted. I've been sick and watching nothing but television for the past few days. Part of me feels like my body just needed to exhale and release without worrying about anything academic oriented for a little while. But even in rest, you never fully take a break. I came to the conclusion today that maybe it just won't feel fully good or exciting until it's really, REALLY done.
I definitely don't want to rush my research and limit the contribution that it can make, but there's also a part of me that simply wants to be finished with school. I feel like it's really my time to transition from being a student to something else.
In the meantime, though, I won't miss out on the opportunity to say "Thank You" to God for ushering me through that experience.
Proposal = Successfully completed
Job. Well. Done.
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Twas the night before the proposal defense...
It is finally almost here. In just about twelve hours I will stand before my committee and do what I have been preparing for…defend my proposal.
As you can imagine, there's definitely anxiety.
I've been going over my slides, reading my material, and just trying to make sure I know as much as possible. Unfortunately, it kinda feels like my brain can't digest anymore…and I'm not really sure what it is that I "know" at this second, but deep down in there I trust that everything will be well.
My colleagues and friends have been sending messages of support all weekend, including one that just touched my heart: "Praying for u Z, the universe is conspiring in your favor, tomorrow has been written as a success."
I needed that. Just in that moment.
Earlier, today, one of my mentors left me a voice message reminding me that I don't have to look at tomorrow as "defending" anything, but can think of it as just sharing my work. I plan on taking that into my day. I'm just showing up to share.
Anyway, I'm gonna go make sure my things are packed and prepare to rest.
Sending prayers to God and the angels to be with me tomorrow; to go before me and make the path smooth. To cover the space and the people who will be in it. So be it.
And so it is.
Talk to you tomorrow!
As you can imagine, there's definitely anxiety.
I've been going over my slides, reading my material, and just trying to make sure I know as much as possible. Unfortunately, it kinda feels like my brain can't digest anymore…and I'm not really sure what it is that I "know" at this second, but deep down in there I trust that everything will be well.
My colleagues and friends have been sending messages of support all weekend, including one that just touched my heart: "Praying for u Z, the universe is conspiring in your favor, tomorrow has been written as a success."
I needed that. Just in that moment.
Earlier, today, one of my mentors left me a voice message reminding me that I don't have to look at tomorrow as "defending" anything, but can think of it as just sharing my work. I plan on taking that into my day. I'm just showing up to share.
Anyway, I'm gonna go make sure my things are packed and prepare to rest.
Sending prayers to God and the angels to be with me tomorrow; to go before me and make the path smooth. To cover the space and the people who will be in it. So be it.
And so it is.
Talk to you tomorrow!
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Growing.
Last week, I attended my last Annual Program Meeting as a Fellow. To say the least, the experience was charged with so many different feelings.
It's always super exciting to see the Fellows and catch up on what has transpired since the last time we met. But I am also typically very anxious as this trip requires me to gather my most "professional" clothes and network with many people over the span of 5 days.
I must say, that this year was a transformational experience for me. In Tampa, I really came to see myself among the sea of other Social Workers and attendees, and really began to feel at home with who I am among the masses.
I am not a loud, boisterous, always social, person. . . I'm much more like a quiet, but conscious presence. I felt good to be here for the first time and not be so in my head about how I fit in and what others see and think of me from the outside.
I heard my voice among the crowds. I shared my thoughts in places where it felt authentic and I even stepped boldly into a place of leadership in effort to address something that I felt was unjust.
I definitely left the City exhausted, but I was also charged by how good I felt about being me!
What a perfect feeling to have as I prepare for this proposal defense to go down in T minus 4 days. I settle into who I am, just in time to get ready to launch myself into the world on the other side of this academic trek.
That.Feels.Good.
I could say way more…but I'm just going to end in that place.
Thanks for listening!!
It's always super exciting to see the Fellows and catch up on what has transpired since the last time we met. But I am also typically very anxious as this trip requires me to gather my most "professional" clothes and network with many people over the span of 5 days.
I must say, that this year was a transformational experience for me. In Tampa, I really came to see myself among the sea of other Social Workers and attendees, and really began to feel at home with who I am among the masses.
I am not a loud, boisterous, always social, person. . . I'm much more like a quiet, but conscious presence. I felt good to be here for the first time and not be so in my head about how I fit in and what others see and think of me from the outside.
I heard my voice among the crowds. I shared my thoughts in places where it felt authentic and I even stepped boldly into a place of leadership in effort to address something that I felt was unjust.
I definitely left the City exhausted, but I was also charged by how good I felt about being me!
What a perfect feeling to have as I prepare for this proposal defense to go down in T minus 4 days. I settle into who I am, just in time to get ready to launch myself into the world on the other side of this academic trek.
That.Feels.Good.
I could say way more…but I'm just going to end in that place.
Thanks for listening!!
Friday, October 17, 2014
Thank You, Jake. I Love You! Fly Free!!!!!!
A few years ago, a beautiful gray cat changed my life.
I posted a notice on the electronic bulletin board in my building indicating that I would provide pet sitting services for neighbors who were interested. I was hesitant at first but Lawrence encouraged me to go for it and see what happened.
It wouldn't be long before I received my one and only request for a consultation.
That day I met Lissa. She lived on the other side of the building and from the moment she opened the door we clicked like we had known each other already for years. I instantly connected with Jake and found out that Lissa and I had much in common. We are both Social Workers with a passion for working with teens, and she was just a really kind human being.
Thanks to Jake, Lissa and I have become great friends. She cares for my cats when I'm out of town and she and Jake have truly helped me create a sense of connectedness and family in my home away from NY home.
Today, Lissa and Jake gave me the honor of being there with him as he made his transition. He had spent a strong 16 years as a part of Lissa's family and had come to a place where he was ready to be free of pain. We shared memories and tears, and covered him in love.
I'm so grateful to you Jake. You being born meant that I got to experience friendship and sisterhood with your mom. You helped expand my sense of community. To you, I am eternally grateful.
May you find peace and eternal joy.
I love you.
Thank you for sharing your mommy with me.
Harambee!
Auntie Zuleka
I posted a notice on the electronic bulletin board in my building indicating that I would provide pet sitting services for neighbors who were interested. I was hesitant at first but Lawrence encouraged me to go for it and see what happened.
It wouldn't be long before I received my one and only request for a consultation.
That day I met Lissa. She lived on the other side of the building and from the moment she opened the door we clicked like we had known each other already for years. I instantly connected with Jake and found out that Lissa and I had much in common. We are both Social Workers with a passion for working with teens, and she was just a really kind human being.
Thanks to Jake, Lissa and I have become great friends. She cares for my cats when I'm out of town and she and Jake have truly helped me create a sense of connectedness and family in my home away from NY home.
Today, Lissa and Jake gave me the honor of being there with him as he made his transition. He had spent a strong 16 years as a part of Lissa's family and had come to a place where he was ready to be free of pain. We shared memories and tears, and covered him in love.
I'm so grateful to you Jake. You being born meant that I got to experience friendship and sisterhood with your mom. You helped expand my sense of community. To you, I am eternally grateful.
May you find peace and eternal joy.
I love you.
Thank you for sharing your mommy with me.
Harambee!
Auntie Zuleka
Friday, October 10, 2014
I have a date!
After several weeks of anticipation, I finally got the message I was waiting for…well, sort of.
This afternoon, I received an email from my advisor with the date and time for my proposal defense.
I must be honest, I did not initially shout with joy. I was definitely praying that it would be much sooner, but after a short sulking moment, I gave thanks and got excited.
I've been taking my time to prepare my slides, and am going to get myself as ready as possible.
November 3, 2014, 12pm…Here we come!
This afternoon, I received an email from my advisor with the date and time for my proposal defense.
I must be honest, I did not initially shout with joy. I was definitely praying that it would be much sooner, but after a short sulking moment, I gave thanks and got excited.
I've been taking my time to prepare my slides, and am going to get myself as ready as possible.
November 3, 2014, 12pm…Here we come!
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Insert Praise Break Here.
So thank God for the courage to make that awkward phone call to my last committee member's cell phone last week Thursday.
In a moment of pure desperation, I sat in the back of the computer lab where I was working and dialed the number that would help break the deafening silence of unanswered emails and calls to her office phone. The result: we scheduled a meeting for today during her office hours.
I arrived at 4:30 en punto! Midway through the session I heard words that almost made me shout in my seat and ALL the way home. In a nutshell, she confirmed that she would contact my advisor and give the final go ahead to schedule a defense date.
Praise Jesus!!!
We accomplished a lot of other stuff during the next half hour, but those words about scheduling were definitely THE most important.
Now, actually securing the date is the next milestone, but I will acknowledge and celebrate ALL victories en route to the ultimate destination.
#WontHeDoIt
#ThankYou
In a moment of pure desperation, I sat in the back of the computer lab where I was working and dialed the number that would help break the deafening silence of unanswered emails and calls to her office phone. The result: we scheduled a meeting for today during her office hours.
I arrived at 4:30 en punto! Midway through the session I heard words that almost made me shout in my seat and ALL the way home. In a nutshell, she confirmed that she would contact my advisor and give the final go ahead to schedule a defense date.
Praise Jesus!!!
We accomplished a lot of other stuff during the next half hour, but those words about scheduling were definitely THE most important.
Now, actually securing the date is the next milestone, but I will acknowledge and celebrate ALL victories en route to the ultimate destination.
#WontHeDoIt
#ThankYou
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Hello. Is ANYONE home?
When you get to the dissertation stage you know that you've embarked on an uphill battle. Of this stage, I have often said "It is NO ONE else's urgency that I graduate". This statement makes it clear to me that I have to drive this process…well, as much as I can.
These past two weeks have been a little frustrating. It's like you get to step on the gas for a little bit and then out of nowhere there's a stall.
The gist of it is I feel like I've been sending emails into a vortex. Since my last meetings with committee members, I've made revisions and sent them out…and I've been tapping my fingers ever since. It seems like EVERYONE checked out or is allergic to the reply button.
Whatever the reason(s), it's been making me feel very unsettled. While I know that I am NOT the only priority in the lives of my committee members I do wish this process was much more transparent and smooth. I know, every journey is destined to have its hills and valleys, I was just hoping for way more hills.
In the midst of my tantrum this past week, I returned to doing my affirmations. As part of that process I realize that I need to work on transforming things that I have control over…which includes how I think and react to the happenings in this process.
I can stand to transform my language about NOT being a priority to anyone to focusing on affirming my May 2015 graduation. I don't have to be swept up in the ebbs and flow of what everyone else does or doesn't do because I know, ultimately, my destiny is ordained by a force bigger and more powerful than any of us.
This doesn't mean that I will play a passive role. I claim today that I am an important and active agent in this process. I release the idea of being a nag and embrace the fact that I will actively use my voice powerfully to make requests from my committee members or others who are important to helping me move this process along.
I also claim that NONE of this is personal. I do not have to make this feel like it's a battle between me and anyone else, or that actions/inactions are intended on stopping my progress. I release this kind of thinking in order to free myself up from being caught in ego and anger.
I boldly ask the Universe to align the elements so that I can have everything that I need to achieve my goal of graduating in May 2015.
That's all I got.
Stay tuned.
These past two weeks have been a little frustrating. It's like you get to step on the gas for a little bit and then out of nowhere there's a stall.
The gist of it is I feel like I've been sending emails into a vortex. Since my last meetings with committee members, I've made revisions and sent them out…and I've been tapping my fingers ever since. It seems like EVERYONE checked out or is allergic to the reply button.
Whatever the reason(s), it's been making me feel very unsettled. While I know that I am NOT the only priority in the lives of my committee members I do wish this process was much more transparent and smooth. I know, every journey is destined to have its hills and valleys, I was just hoping for way more hills.
In the midst of my tantrum this past week, I returned to doing my affirmations. As part of that process I realize that I need to work on transforming things that I have control over…which includes how I think and react to the happenings in this process.
I can stand to transform my language about NOT being a priority to anyone to focusing on affirming my May 2015 graduation. I don't have to be swept up in the ebbs and flow of what everyone else does or doesn't do because I know, ultimately, my destiny is ordained by a force bigger and more powerful than any of us.
This doesn't mean that I will play a passive role. I claim today that I am an important and active agent in this process. I release the idea of being a nag and embrace the fact that I will actively use my voice powerfully to make requests from my committee members or others who are important to helping me move this process along.
I also claim that NONE of this is personal. I do not have to make this feel like it's a battle between me and anyone else, or that actions/inactions are intended on stopping my progress. I release this kind of thinking in order to free myself up from being caught in ego and anger.
I boldly ask the Universe to align the elements so that I can have everything that I need to achieve my goal of graduating in May 2015.
That's all I got.
Stay tuned.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
33 and Thank You.
33 was one of the best birthdays ever.
It started with a simple intention to have a great time. God set the foundation with a beautiful day and Lawrence came out to help me celebrate.
We rented a car to get around the DMV. After breakfast at our favorite spot (where the waiter sang me happy birthday all by himself) we took a ride to Great Falls Park in Virginia. Talk about beautiful. The sites were magnificent. I hugged trees, and two elders named Trish and Patricia (pics to come), and said prayers of thanks to the waters.
It was the perfect place to reflect on gratitude. To think about all that God has allowed me to see and experience while here for the past 33 years. I'm grateful.
After taking that all in we took advantage of having the car and did some outlet shopping and ran local errands.
Later on that evening we headed to The National Harbor. There, I got to take a late night ride on a brightly lit Ferris wheel suspended over the water. That was a first for me. I got a chance to face and conquer some fears and to practice faith!
After coming down from the ride some friends joined us in celebration over dinner. The restaurant was a really nice place to bring the celebration to a close. We were surrounded by ornate life-sized statues of Buddha and beautiful Asian art in every corner of the place…including the bathrooms. The food was delightful, the conversation was fun, and I even got gifts to take home from the establishment.
Although I laid down at the end of the night all tuckered out from a full day of celebrating, to my surprise the birthday fun didn't stop there. It would actually last for a full week.
I traveled home on Friday to celebrate with my mom. Shortly after getting off the bus, my little sister surprised both of us with a date night. We got taken limo-style to the movies and to dinner and were even gifted again at Starbucks with free treats in honor of our birthdays.
The next few days I got to spend with my family. I took my baby niece to a play and got to hang out with my god-daughter and one of my best friends. On Sunday, I made it to church in the morning only to be welcomed home again with another celebratory dinner courtesy of my Mama. There was food and red velvet cupcakes and vegan chocolate bacon brownies. Talk about deelish…and talk about feeling special. I was truly surprised and really happy.
For the last leg of celebratory fun, I got to hang out with my college buddies and all the new babies and to attend the MAAFA with my older sister and mom.
As I recap these experiences on the morning of my return home to the DMV, I really give thanks. God blessed me and helped me make good on my intention to usher in 33 with joy.
A few weeks ago, I was challenged to take account of the things I'm grateful for. I'll end this post by sharing these things with you.
Thank You God for allowing/creating/gifting me with these:
Breath
Insight
Self-consciousness
Divine Grace
You
Humor, fun, laughter
Love
Being here on purpose
Family
friends
God working things out
Reality TV
Safety
Angels
Precious & Puma
Nieces
Inside jokes
Silence
Solitude
Company
Girlfriends
Being Me
Compassion
Family
My Mama & Siblings
Love
Clarity
Progress
God working things out for me in BIG ways ALL the time
Limbs to go out on
The opportunity to ask for help
Divinity
Grace
Peace in my spirit
Me
Release
Transformation
Courage
Moments to process and start over
Do overs
Unexpected Fun
Lawrence
Romantic partnership
Sleep
Noticeable improvements in my writing
Reclaiming my voice
Self-reflection
Birthday Plans
Companionship
Today
It started with a simple intention to have a great time. God set the foundation with a beautiful day and Lawrence came out to help me celebrate.
We rented a car to get around the DMV. After breakfast at our favorite spot (where the waiter sang me happy birthday all by himself) we took a ride to Great Falls Park in Virginia. Talk about beautiful. The sites were magnificent. I hugged trees, and two elders named Trish and Patricia (pics to come), and said prayers of thanks to the waters.
It was the perfect place to reflect on gratitude. To think about all that God has allowed me to see and experience while here for the past 33 years. I'm grateful.
After taking that all in we took advantage of having the car and did some outlet shopping and ran local errands.
Later on that evening we headed to The National Harbor. There, I got to take a late night ride on a brightly lit Ferris wheel suspended over the water. That was a first for me. I got a chance to face and conquer some fears and to practice faith!
After coming down from the ride some friends joined us in celebration over dinner. The restaurant was a really nice place to bring the celebration to a close. We were surrounded by ornate life-sized statues of Buddha and beautiful Asian art in every corner of the place…including the bathrooms. The food was delightful, the conversation was fun, and I even got gifts to take home from the establishment.
Although I laid down at the end of the night all tuckered out from a full day of celebrating, to my surprise the birthday fun didn't stop there. It would actually last for a full week.
I traveled home on Friday to celebrate with my mom. Shortly after getting off the bus, my little sister surprised both of us with a date night. We got taken limo-style to the movies and to dinner and were even gifted again at Starbucks with free treats in honor of our birthdays.
The next few days I got to spend with my family. I took my baby niece to a play and got to hang out with my god-daughter and one of my best friends. On Sunday, I made it to church in the morning only to be welcomed home again with another celebratory dinner courtesy of my Mama. There was food and red velvet cupcakes and vegan chocolate bacon brownies. Talk about deelish…and talk about feeling special. I was truly surprised and really happy.
For the last leg of celebratory fun, I got to hang out with my college buddies and all the new babies and to attend the MAAFA with my older sister and mom.
As I recap these experiences on the morning of my return home to the DMV, I really give thanks. God blessed me and helped me make good on my intention to usher in 33 with joy.
A few weeks ago, I was challenged to take account of the things I'm grateful for. I'll end this post by sharing these things with you.
Thank You God for allowing/creating/gifting me with these:
Breath
Insight
Self-consciousness
Divine Grace
You
Humor, fun, laughter
Love
Being here on purpose
Family
friends
God working things out
Reality TV
Safety
Angels
Precious & Puma
Nieces
Inside jokes
Silence
Solitude
Company
Girlfriends
Being Me
Compassion
Family
My Mama & Siblings
Love
Clarity
Progress
God working things out for me in BIG ways ALL the time
Limbs to go out on
The opportunity to ask for help
Divinity
Grace
Peace in my spirit
Me
Release
Transformation
Courage
Moments to process and start over
Do overs
Unexpected Fun
Lawrence
Romantic partnership
Sleep
Noticeable improvements in my writing
Reclaiming my voice
Self-reflection
Birthday Plans
Companionship
Today
Saturday, September 6, 2014
Wolf Trap with the Bestie!
Lately, I've been avoiding looking at all the coupon-based emails that I get every day. In effort to save money, I figured that if I don't know what's on sale, I won't be led to buy! Makes sense to me.
Well, the other day I cheated a little and took a sneak peak at the Living Social deals for the week. I did so partly in procrastination mode and partly in preparation for a visit from my best friend. Let's just say I'm super glad I went against my word.
I ended up finding really cheap tickets to a Cirque show in Virginia. It was at this really awesome Noah's Ark-esque outdoor facility called Wolf Trap Filene Center. The venue is a historic site where they put on shows all summer long. There were tons of families camping out on the lawn, several people on dates, elder couples who seemed like staples in the community, and me and my best friend from elementary school.
We were treated to this spectacular jungle themed circus show full of amazing costumes and talents. It was inspiring to see the creativity and some much needed fun.
I'll be sure to go back there for something in the future. Just wanted to make sure to document some of the good that goes on in this journey to balance out the Phd woes and whining!
That is all.
Well, the other day I cheated a little and took a sneak peak at the Living Social deals for the week. I did so partly in procrastination mode and partly in preparation for a visit from my best friend. Let's just say I'm super glad I went against my word.
I ended up finding really cheap tickets to a Cirque show in Virginia. It was at this really awesome Noah's Ark-esque outdoor facility called Wolf Trap Filene Center. The venue is a historic site where they put on shows all summer long. There were tons of families camping out on the lawn, several people on dates, elder couples who seemed like staples in the community, and me and my best friend from elementary school.
We were treated to this spectacular jungle themed circus show full of amazing costumes and talents. It was inspiring to see the creativity and some much needed fun.
I'll be sure to go back there for something in the future. Just wanted to make sure to document some of the good that goes on in this journey to balance out the Phd woes and whining!
That is all.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
The turtle race.
This is THE WORST waiting game ever.
Waiting to secure a location for data collection. Waiting for feedback. Waiting to figure out if you're really gonna make these deadlines that determine graduation.
It's a long, scary process.
You try not to fear. You try to keep strong in your faith. You try to release doubt and anxiety.
It definitely has its tightrope moments.
God, I know You got me. You know what's in my heart.
So, I'll just keep praying…and pushing…and, ultimately, trusting.
Waiting to secure a location for data collection. Waiting for feedback. Waiting to figure out if you're really gonna make these deadlines that determine graduation.
It's a long, scary process.
You try not to fear. You try to keep strong in your faith. You try to release doubt and anxiety.
It definitely has its tightrope moments.
God, I know You got me. You know what's in my heart.
So, I'll just keep praying…and pushing…and, ultimately, trusting.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Plan. Prepare. Participate.
On August 9, 2014, the all too familiar rumblings of discontent with injustice began. This time, people from all over the world began to call the name "Michael Brown". On that Saturday this young man was shot and killed by a police officer in Ferguson, Missouri. The community reported that his body lay in the streets for hours. The officer responsible remained at large.
The social media firestorm has been powerful. The new cry: Hands Up, Don't Shoot.
There has been outrage, protesting, tear gas, rubber bullets, military vehicles, and mounting chaos. There is pain.
In the aftermath of each tragedy as this, I pause. I'm not a bandwagoner. I don't jump to action. Honestly, I'm usually initially unclear of where to even begin. Sometimes my instinct is to retreat from all the noise because my spirit has a tendency to just soak in everyone's agony. My mind will play and replay the suffering story non-stop to the point of overwhelm. From that space, I am helpful to no one.
I have been watching from the sidelines. Silently trying to figure out my move.
Tonight, I watched Iyanla's coverage on the grounds in Ferguson and I got some inspiration for next steps.
Iyanla did an hour and a half special that took us to the very spot where Michael Brown took his last breath. She started in prayer and then asked permission from the community to enter and begin her work of organizing for peace and transformation.
Her first step: be an ear for the people.
She simply asked their stories and listened to their experiences. Some had been there to see to shooting happen. Others were family members, community leaders, youth, and even the leader of the local police department. She listened and then coached each person and group to articulate their request. "What is your ask?", she prompted. This question helped put words to the anger and protests that had erupted over the past few weeks. This created a powerful moment of pause for people to really get clear about what exactly was wanted and needed.
She held a powerful exchange with some young men and asked them to be leaders in organizing the rest of the community to stand down from the violence and disorganized protesting in order to create space so that the the investigation into the shooting could be conducted. They obliged. They were amazed at this new vision of leadership and sense of community. They were passionately charged and focused. It was powerful. It was brilliant. It moved me.
Yesterday, I got a call from someone in my program asking about what organizations or institutions are in place for us as Social Workers and Howard students to come together around issues of human importance. I immediately remembered some advice I heard from former Congressman Ron Dellums and from a Professor who attended a recent meeting held on campus about bringing back the Nigerian girls who were kidnapped. Their advice encouraged us to bring together our intelligence and expertise from around the University and have interdisciplinary meetings where we develop strategies and suggestions for solutions that we could present to government officials, community members, and others as steps that could be taken toward change. I presented this idea to my colleague and am writing it here to help set myself up for action. Today, I acknowledge that I am an able body who can help make this kind of work happen.
The social media firestorm has been powerful. The new cry: Hands Up, Don't Shoot.
There has been outrage, protesting, tear gas, rubber bullets, military vehicles, and mounting chaos. There is pain.
In the aftermath of each tragedy as this, I pause. I'm not a bandwagoner. I don't jump to action. Honestly, I'm usually initially unclear of where to even begin. Sometimes my instinct is to retreat from all the noise because my spirit has a tendency to just soak in everyone's agony. My mind will play and replay the suffering story non-stop to the point of overwhelm. From that space, I am helpful to no one.
I have been watching from the sidelines. Silently trying to figure out my move.
Tonight, I watched Iyanla's coverage on the grounds in Ferguson and I got some inspiration for next steps.
Iyanla did an hour and a half special that took us to the very spot where Michael Brown took his last breath. She started in prayer and then asked permission from the community to enter and begin her work of organizing for peace and transformation.
Her first step: be an ear for the people.
She simply asked their stories and listened to their experiences. Some had been there to see to shooting happen. Others were family members, community leaders, youth, and even the leader of the local police department. She listened and then coached each person and group to articulate their request. "What is your ask?", she prompted. This question helped put words to the anger and protests that had erupted over the past few weeks. This created a powerful moment of pause for people to really get clear about what exactly was wanted and needed.
She held a powerful exchange with some young men and asked them to be leaders in organizing the rest of the community to stand down from the violence and disorganized protesting in order to create space so that the the investigation into the shooting could be conducted. They obliged. They were amazed at this new vision of leadership and sense of community. They were passionately charged and focused. It was powerful. It was brilliant. It moved me.
Yesterday, I got a call from someone in my program asking about what organizations or institutions are in place for us as Social Workers and Howard students to come together around issues of human importance. I immediately remembered some advice I heard from former Congressman Ron Dellums and from a Professor who attended a recent meeting held on campus about bringing back the Nigerian girls who were kidnapped. Their advice encouraged us to bring together our intelligence and expertise from around the University and have interdisciplinary meetings where we develop strategies and suggestions for solutions that we could present to government officials, community members, and others as steps that could be taken toward change. I presented this idea to my colleague and am writing it here to help set myself up for action. Today, I acknowledge that I am an able body who can help make this kind of work happen.
Saturday, August 2, 2014
The Engagement Party.
It was like a dream.
On Saturday, August 2nd, 2014, friends and family from near and far gathered to celebrate our engagement. In a cozy bar lounge in the heart of new hipster Brooklyn we gathered over food and toasts and lots of love.
Lawrence and I stood out in our color coordinated attire. He in casual dress coral pants and a white buttoned down shirt with gold accents and me in a body hugging coral sweetheart neckline dress--picked out just a few weeks earlier with the help of my amazing neighbors.
* * *
The plan had been in place for a little over a month. My little sister came to us with the idea for an engagement party. After google searching what that actually entailed, we obliged and she got to planning. With the help of our loved ones it turned out to be a truly amazing celebration. There was a surprise musical performance dedicated to us, Aunt BeBe's famous Mac n cheese, and a beautiful blessing by the moms. It was indeed a day I will never forget.
The bus ride back to the DMV was rather quiet. I spent most of the time daydreaming and repeatedly looking at pics from the party. It was definitely the dreaded journey back to reality--on the other side of the bus ride existed the academic life that I was happy to forget over the weekend as I primped and got ready for our day.
Once the key turned in the door to my apartment, it was like I was locking up the fun and unlocking the last leg of this academic marathon. So many things to do and the start of the semester fast approaching...I won't taint the memory of our celebration with the harsh reality of this other life I lead...but I will use it to inspire me to keep pushing.
The engagement party made me excited about married life and collapsing the distance between me and my partner. I cherish that moment and look forward to celebrating many more milestones including donning a less form fitting gown and walking across the stage in the final ceremony of this program.
For pics, check out the link below:
http://1982creativestudios.com/2014/08/02/engagement-party/
On Saturday, August 2nd, 2014, friends and family from near and far gathered to celebrate our engagement. In a cozy bar lounge in the heart of new hipster Brooklyn we gathered over food and toasts and lots of love.
Lawrence and I stood out in our color coordinated attire. He in casual dress coral pants and a white buttoned down shirt with gold accents and me in a body hugging coral sweetheart neckline dress--picked out just a few weeks earlier with the help of my amazing neighbors.
* * *
The plan had been in place for a little over a month. My little sister came to us with the idea for an engagement party. After google searching what that actually entailed, we obliged and she got to planning. With the help of our loved ones it turned out to be a truly amazing celebration. There was a surprise musical performance dedicated to us, Aunt BeBe's famous Mac n cheese, and a beautiful blessing by the moms. It was indeed a day I will never forget.
The bus ride back to the DMV was rather quiet. I spent most of the time daydreaming and repeatedly looking at pics from the party. It was definitely the dreaded journey back to reality--on the other side of the bus ride existed the academic life that I was happy to forget over the weekend as I primped and got ready for our day.
Once the key turned in the door to my apartment, it was like I was locking up the fun and unlocking the last leg of this academic marathon. So many things to do and the start of the semester fast approaching...I won't taint the memory of our celebration with the harsh reality of this other life I lead...but I will use it to inspire me to keep pushing.
The engagement party made me excited about married life and collapsing the distance between me and my partner. I cherish that moment and look forward to celebrating many more milestones including donning a less form fitting gown and walking across the stage in the final ceremony of this program.
For pics, check out the link below:
http://1982creativestudios.com/2014/08/02/engagement-party/
Thursday, July 31, 2014
The MFP Ladies take North Carolina
Filling out the Minority Fellowship application for the second time was one of the best things I ever did. It opened doors for opportunities to travel and learn beyond my university and paved the way for sisterhood and friendships that I'm certain will last a lifetime.
Over the past few days I traveled to Greensboro and Chapel Hill, North Carolina to attend a qualitative research training with my MFP colleague. Not only did I receive direct instruction in grounded theory by one of the most renowned scholars (Kathy Charmaz) but I also got to spend quality time with my girls.
Our big sister in the fellowship graciously hosted us in her home and introduced us to all of Greensboro, including the famous HBCUs in the area and some of the best cake and soul food I've had in a long time.
I got to tour the International Civil Rights Museum and visit the statue of "The Greensboro Four". Of those experiences, I will never forget walking into the actual cafeteria where the Greensboro sit-ins were ignited. When the doors opened to that space I felt overwhelmed by the spirit of that era. It was both powerful and enraging. Inspiring and delicate. I will never forget.
Although an unanticipated near 12-hour train ride home placed a bit of a challenge at the end of the trip, it could not minimize the value of this experience.
I am exhausted but definitely wanted to capture these memories among my top PhD journey experiences. I'm grateful and full of joy...and cake!!!
Over the past few days I traveled to Greensboro and Chapel Hill, North Carolina to attend a qualitative research training with my MFP colleague. Not only did I receive direct instruction in grounded theory by one of the most renowned scholars (Kathy Charmaz) but I also got to spend quality time with my girls.
Our big sister in the fellowship graciously hosted us in her home and introduced us to all of Greensboro, including the famous HBCUs in the area and some of the best cake and soul food I've had in a long time.
I got to tour the International Civil Rights Museum and visit the statue of "The Greensboro Four". Of those experiences, I will never forget walking into the actual cafeteria where the Greensboro sit-ins were ignited. When the doors opened to that space I felt overwhelmed by the spirit of that era. It was both powerful and enraging. Inspiring and delicate. I will never forget.
Although an unanticipated near 12-hour train ride home placed a bit of a challenge at the end of the trip, it could not minimize the value of this experience.
I am exhausted but definitely wanted to capture these memories among my top PhD journey experiences. I'm grateful and full of joy...and cake!!!
Friday, July 25, 2014
SYEP 2.0 and YALI 2014
This week has brought lots of joy.
On Wednesday, I got to return to the Department of Consumer and Regulatory Affairs with my colleagues to facilitate a workshop for their Summer Youth Employees. Today, I got to celebrate with the 25 Young African Leaders Initiative Fellows whom I have had the privilege to meet and work with over the past 6 weeks.
This evening's closing ceremony was overflowing with a unique spirit of happiness and a sense of family and connectedness. I did not want to miss the opportunity to capture the memory.
Below, please find some pictures of some remarkable human beings that I am grateful to have met, and will NEVER forget.
On Wednesday, I got to return to the Department of Consumer and Regulatory Affairs with my colleagues to facilitate a workshop for their Summer Youth Employees. Today, I got to celebrate with the 25 Young African Leaders Initiative Fellows whom I have had the privilege to meet and work with over the past 6 weeks.
This evening's closing ceremony was overflowing with a unique spirit of happiness and a sense of family and connectedness. I did not want to miss the opportunity to capture the memory.
Below, please find some pictures of some remarkable human beings that I am grateful to have met, and will NEVER forget.
Monday, July 21, 2014
"Your Message Has Been Sent."
Today, marks the day that I officially sent my proposal to the committee for review.
I was so anxious about pressing send on those three emails, but God helped make it easier for at least two of them.
Since I've been hibernating in my writing cave, I have not had much contact with my committee members since asking them to serve on the team. So when my advisor gave the green light for me to send the proposal, I was a little nervous. For one thing, it's summer, and tenured professors want to be left alone on their vacation time. So I was definitely cautious about not pissing off the very people that I need to work with.
Thankfully, in the past few days I've "randomly" run in to two of my committee members. One, walking on campus with her family and the other at a work event for this summer program I assist with. Timing could have been nothing more than perfect! So you know I casually alerted them to the fact that they would be receiving an email from me!
The third committee member has been on sabbatical so I haven't had much contact with him. Prayerfully his time off has put him in a good mood and my email will be received warmly! (Pray for me, y'all).
Anyway, I don't have much else to say, but "Let's get this thang poppin'".
Operation May 2015 in full effect!
I was so anxious about pressing send on those three emails, but God helped make it easier for at least two of them.
Since I've been hibernating in my writing cave, I have not had much contact with my committee members since asking them to serve on the team. So when my advisor gave the green light for me to send the proposal, I was a little nervous. For one thing, it's summer, and tenured professors want to be left alone on their vacation time. So I was definitely cautious about not pissing off the very people that I need to work with.
Thankfully, in the past few days I've "randomly" run in to two of my committee members. One, walking on campus with her family and the other at a work event for this summer program I assist with. Timing could have been nothing more than perfect! So you know I casually alerted them to the fact that they would be receiving an email from me!
The third committee member has been on sabbatical so I haven't had much contact with him. Prayerfully his time off has put him in a good mood and my email will be received warmly! (Pray for me, y'all).
Anyway, I don't have much else to say, but "Let's get this thang poppin'".
Operation May 2015 in full effect!
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Don't Judge You.
Today, I made a cold call to try and identify a site for my study.
I'm always nervous about those things. You know, phone calls.
I get all worried about how I'm going to sound and if I'm going to get my words out right. I anticipate a whole lot of rambling and incoherence. Today, was no different.
I set a time for myself to make the call happen: 1:30PM...Then I fell asleep and woke up at about 1:45. So new call time: 2:12PM.
I dialed the number and secretly hoped for an answering machine--one where I could listen to what I've done and erase and re-record it a million times until it sounded right--but, when I got an actual human on the phone, the actual person I needed to speak with, I went into immediate panic mode.
"Hi."
Once I got going, I could tell I was trying to pack a lot in so that the listener could get the reason for my call all in the first few minutes. I grew anxious about whether my pace made me sound like a babbler and jeopardized my opportunity for getting a great setting for my study. I kept taking these weird pauses and inserting awkward questions…smh. In my mind, this was going really badly.
In the end, the guy on the other end indicated that it wasn't a great time for him to talk--death to ego, dagger to the heart. But, just as I'm going off in my head about how I ruined the call, he proceeded to indicate that he would instead set aside time to speak with me about it on Thursday. WHEW!
I immediately noticed how much I actualized all of my fears and negative self-talk. I created all this confusion and anxiety in my mind and then just acted it out. Afterwards, I proceeded to dissect and scrutinize everything I'd done.
I know I have this habit of being overly critical of self and others. And today, as part of this doc process, I get another reminder of how much this pattern doesn't serve me.
So, right now, I release self-doubt and judgment. I acknowledge my humanity and the fact that I took a leap and actually did not get a "no". I now have time to prepare for my next discussion and in the meantime pray for a calm disposition, the right words, and for the Creator to lay out the steps to making this or something better work out.
. . .
I look forward to telling you about the day that I secured a research setting for my study.
#Comingsoon
I'm always nervous about those things. You know, phone calls.
I get all worried about how I'm going to sound and if I'm going to get my words out right. I anticipate a whole lot of rambling and incoherence. Today, was no different.
I set a time for myself to make the call happen: 1:30PM...Then I fell asleep and woke up at about 1:45. So new call time: 2:12PM.
I dialed the number and secretly hoped for an answering machine--one where I could listen to what I've done and erase and re-record it a million times until it sounded right--but, when I got an actual human on the phone, the actual person I needed to speak with, I went into immediate panic mode.
"Hi."
Once I got going, I could tell I was trying to pack a lot in so that the listener could get the reason for my call all in the first few minutes. I grew anxious about whether my pace made me sound like a babbler and jeopardized my opportunity for getting a great setting for my study. I kept taking these weird pauses and inserting awkward questions…smh. In my mind, this was going really badly.
In the end, the guy on the other end indicated that it wasn't a great time for him to talk--death to ego, dagger to the heart. But, just as I'm going off in my head about how I ruined the call, he proceeded to indicate that he would instead set aside time to speak with me about it on Thursday. WHEW!
I immediately noticed how much I actualized all of my fears and negative self-talk. I created all this confusion and anxiety in my mind and then just acted it out. Afterwards, I proceeded to dissect and scrutinize everything I'd done.
I know I have this habit of being overly critical of self and others. And today, as part of this doc process, I get another reminder of how much this pattern doesn't serve me.
So, right now, I release self-doubt and judgment. I acknowledge my humanity and the fact that I took a leap and actually did not get a "no". I now have time to prepare for my next discussion and in the meantime pray for a calm disposition, the right words, and for the Creator to lay out the steps to making this or something better work out.
. . .
I look forward to telling you about the day that I secured a research setting for my study.
#Comingsoon
Friday, July 11, 2014
Flowers for the Lady.
Today, I had the pleasant surprise of having a mixed bouquet of vibrant flowers waiting for me at the concierge desk.
After a crazy day of trying to figure out when the school will make good on overdue funds and being slapped in the face by the harsh reality of really having to pony up money for classes this semester, it was a breath of fresh air to come home to a token of love.
Thank you Miner!
<3
After a crazy day of trying to figure out when the school will make good on overdue funds and being slapped in the face by the harsh reality of really having to pony up money for classes this semester, it was a breath of fresh air to come home to a token of love.
Thank you Miner!
<3
Thursday, July 10, 2014
76 pages…and we're getting there.
This past Wednesday, I submitted maybe my fifth draft of the dissertation to my advisor.
When I pressed send on that email this time, there was a huge sigh of relief and a different heir of confidence. It finally felt like things are actually taking shape.
Yes, I will need to await her feedback, but I am truly excited about finally feeling like it's coming together.
I'll keep you posted, but her's to continuing to count the small victories.
When I pressed send on that email this time, there was a huge sigh of relief and a different heir of confidence. It finally felt like things are actually taking shape.
Yes, I will need to await her feedback, but I am truly excited about finally feeling like it's coming together.
I'll keep you posted, but her's to continuing to count the small victories.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
"I trust and surrender to the process"
I have been participating in a 40-day meditation with strangers.
A friend of mine introduced me to the group on fb and it has been a pretty great experience for me. It's short and succinct, but has been pretty powerful.
Today, as I recited the healing affirmations that come at the end of the roughly 15 minute daily practice, a few lines stood out to me that I decided to make a mantra:
"I patiently await for what is mine. My destiny is already written.
I trust and surrender to the process. Divine loving hands move all".
Thanks Luz! Such perfect and timely words.
A friend of mine introduced me to the group on fb and it has been a pretty great experience for me. It's short and succinct, but has been pretty powerful.
Today, as I recited the healing affirmations that come at the end of the roughly 15 minute daily practice, a few lines stood out to me that I decided to make a mantra:
"I patiently await for what is mine. My destiny is already written.
I trust and surrender to the process. Divine loving hands move all".
Thanks Luz! Such perfect and timely words.
Friday, June 20, 2014
Iron chef and the Butterfly Sticker!
The dissertation process can feel very isolating. Most days it's just you and that dreaded paper, so you get excited for opportunities to spend time with actual people.
Tonight, I had dinner with my neighbor and her friends in celebration of her last day on her board of ed job and the beginning of her full time private practice.
About 12 of us gathered for the festivities. The theme of the night was: Iron Chef. We each brought a vegetarian dish that would compete for the title of best dish of the night.
When I learned of the competition a few weeks back, I planned wisely to prepare a pretty simple dish that I've been perfecting over the past two years: zucchini-squash casserole. I learned about this meal at a barbecue hosted by my cohort mate. She too is a self-proclaimed non-chef who happened to make this very tasty vegetable concoction, so this gave me confidence that I could brave the recipe on my own.
Since that day, I believe I've prepared this dish about 5 times for myself and others. And, hey, all of us survived!
Long story short, when I found out about the need to bring a dish for tonight's party, I decided on ole' faithful…and it paid off. Let's just say, this non-chef, doc student came home with the coveted butterfly sticker prize! I must say, I am extremely proud!
Beyond my winnings, tonight was just a really good time. I actually let go of my inner awkward black girl and ended up having a great time with complete strangers. It was pretty cool.
That is all.
Nite sawse!
Tonight, I had dinner with my neighbor and her friends in celebration of her last day on her board of ed job and the beginning of her full time private practice.
About 12 of us gathered for the festivities. The theme of the night was: Iron Chef. We each brought a vegetarian dish that would compete for the title of best dish of the night.
When I learned of the competition a few weeks back, I planned wisely to prepare a pretty simple dish that I've been perfecting over the past two years: zucchini-squash casserole. I learned about this meal at a barbecue hosted by my cohort mate. She too is a self-proclaimed non-chef who happened to make this very tasty vegetable concoction, so this gave me confidence that I could brave the recipe on my own.
Since that day, I believe I've prepared this dish about 5 times for myself and others. And, hey, all of us survived!
Long story short, when I found out about the need to bring a dish for tonight's party, I decided on ole' faithful…and it paid off. Let's just say, this non-chef, doc student came home with the coveted butterfly sticker prize! I must say, I am extremely proud!
Beyond my winnings, tonight was just a really good time. I actually let go of my inner awkward black girl and ended up having a great time with complete strangers. It was pretty cool.
That is all.
Nite sawse!
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Prom Night.
I remember them being born. I remember having the responsibility of babysitting the two of them and praying to God that we would have a cry-free and limited pamper changing evening. I remember them being tiny enough to sit in little car seats on the table when they were lounging around the house.
I would like to believe that these memories were from a time much more recent than they actually are. But the truth is, those two little ones are now near-six-foot (you read that correctly), fourteen year-old teenagers.
On Tuesday, I took an early morning bus to NY to join the rest of the adults in the Henderson clan in the ritual of getting the girls ready for prom. After a few hours of getting pampered with hair, nails, and makeup, these extremely gorgeous not-so-little-anymore girls walked out the door to the chariot that whisked them away to their dance.
I was exhausted from a 5:30am wake up and a near five hour bus ride, but I would NOT have missed any of that day for the world…or for school or dissertation writing.
As I stared in awe at my nieces, it really hit me that time definitely does not stand still. I'm so proud of who they are becoming.
Next stop…8th grade graduation, then, first day of high school.
Lord, help me.
I would like to believe that these memories were from a time much more recent than they actually are. But the truth is, those two little ones are now near-six-foot (you read that correctly), fourteen year-old teenagers.
On Tuesday, I took an early morning bus to NY to join the rest of the adults in the Henderson clan in the ritual of getting the girls ready for prom. After a few hours of getting pampered with hair, nails, and makeup, these extremely gorgeous not-so-little-anymore girls walked out the door to the chariot that whisked them away to their dance.
I was exhausted from a 5:30am wake up and a near five hour bus ride, but I would NOT have missed any of that day for the world…or for school or dissertation writing.
As I stared in awe at my nieces, it really hit me that time definitely does not stand still. I'm so proud of who they are becoming.
Next stop…8th grade graduation, then, first day of high school.
Lord, help me.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
From Nothing.
I am sitting here near tears. Super inspired by my partner.
I remember early in our relationship being introduced to his Leica, a fairly small camera that he often toted around in a spiffy brown leather case. We would take it with us on some of our dates to the park or on walking tours of Brooklyn underneath the bridge.
I definitely hated taking pictures, but I was intrigued by the sleekness of this somewhat sexy device that he loved. I'm not sure if it was more about the cute leather case or the camera itself, but over time, I found myself using it to get in on the fun of capturing things and freezing them in time.
Lawrence's picture taking was cool. I know it secretly somewhat reminded me of my dad. He always had a camera handy at our celebrations, graduations, and family gatherings. Getting us all together for pictures was always an ordeal, but, if my dad had anything to do with it, pictures would be taken by any means necessary.
I remember Lawrence's affinity for photography growing over the course of our relationship. Soon, the little Leica would be replaced a larger apparatus, a Canon. This camera was too big for any cute leather case, but it was surely no less special. It would become a symbol of love from his own dad and the beginning of making a beautiful dream come true.
Things got started with a few maternity shoots and some baby showers, and then the phone continued to ring as people wanted to hire Lawrence to take their family photos and capture weddings through still images and video montages.
Today, when my phone signaled a text message from Lawrence, the words really moved me to tears. Before he could even finish the photo job for a non-profit organization, they requested him to be their OFFICIAL photographer. In that moment, it hit me. From NOTHING, he created a pathway for something he loved.
That testimony really struck me. I stopped mid-dissertating to take that all in. I reflected on what it meant for me and my own process. I grew excited about my own possibility for molding a dream into a flourishing reality.
I am SUPER proud and SUPER excited. Over the course of our relationship, I watched this all come to fruition with my own eyes.
I know both of our dads are smiling.
Here's to 1982 Creative Studios! Exposing the Creativity in Every Moment and reminding us all that dreams do come true.
Check out his work at: 82stu.com
I Love you Lawrence. Thank you for sharing this part of your life with me.
I remember early in our relationship being introduced to his Leica, a fairly small camera that he often toted around in a spiffy brown leather case. We would take it with us on some of our dates to the park or on walking tours of Brooklyn underneath the bridge.
I definitely hated taking pictures, but I was intrigued by the sleekness of this somewhat sexy device that he loved. I'm not sure if it was more about the cute leather case or the camera itself, but over time, I found myself using it to get in on the fun of capturing things and freezing them in time.
Lawrence's picture taking was cool. I know it secretly somewhat reminded me of my dad. He always had a camera handy at our celebrations, graduations, and family gatherings. Getting us all together for pictures was always an ordeal, but, if my dad had anything to do with it, pictures would be taken by any means necessary.
I remember Lawrence's affinity for photography growing over the course of our relationship. Soon, the little Leica would be replaced a larger apparatus, a Canon. This camera was too big for any cute leather case, but it was surely no less special. It would become a symbol of love from his own dad and the beginning of making a beautiful dream come true.
Things got started with a few maternity shoots and some baby showers, and then the phone continued to ring as people wanted to hire Lawrence to take their family photos and capture weddings through still images and video montages.
Today, when my phone signaled a text message from Lawrence, the words really moved me to tears. Before he could even finish the photo job for a non-profit organization, they requested him to be their OFFICIAL photographer. In that moment, it hit me. From NOTHING, he created a pathway for something he loved.
That testimony really struck me. I stopped mid-dissertating to take that all in. I reflected on what it meant for me and my own process. I grew excited about my own possibility for molding a dream into a flourishing reality.
I am SUPER proud and SUPER excited. Over the course of our relationship, I watched this all come to fruition with my own eyes.
I know both of our dads are smiling.
Here's to 1982 Creative Studios! Exposing the Creativity in Every Moment and reminding us all that dreams do come true.
Check out his work at: 82stu.com
I Love you Lawrence. Thank you for sharing this part of your life with me.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Rest Peacefully, Dr. Maya Angelou.
I vividly remember reciting her poems in my childhood.
In particular, I recall each line of Phenomenal Woman. I recited it proudly in Chapel services and as part of talent showcases with my siblings. The sass of the lines in each stanza of the poem gave me an opportunity to exude a confidence that, at the time, I didn't think I possessed. That poem did something magical for the spirit of a brown girl. I am grateful to her for that.
Just a few months back, I caught myself captivated by her as she sat in conversation with Oprah on Super Soul Sunday. Her stature, the cadence of her voice, and the gentle strength of her spirit were moving; her words, inspiring. Her legacy, undeniable.
I am grateful to her for that.
Dr./Mama Angelou, as you have transitioned and taken your ancestral wings, today, I simply want to whisper to your soul: "I love you."
Thank you for the way you walked this Earth with us.
-Zuleka
In particular, I recall each line of Phenomenal Woman. I recited it proudly in Chapel services and as part of talent showcases with my siblings. The sass of the lines in each stanza of the poem gave me an opportunity to exude a confidence that, at the time, I didn't think I possessed. That poem did something magical for the spirit of a brown girl. I am grateful to her for that.
Just a few months back, I caught myself captivated by her as she sat in conversation with Oprah on Super Soul Sunday. Her stature, the cadence of her voice, and the gentle strength of her spirit were moving; her words, inspiring. Her legacy, undeniable.
I am grateful to her for that.
Dr./Mama Angelou, as you have transitioned and taken your ancestral wings, today, I simply want to whisper to your soul: "I love you."
Thank you for the way you walked this Earth with us.
-Zuleka
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
OMG…I Won!!!!
Wow. Floored.
. . .
A few weeks back I happened across a writing contest on the school's main website. I was immediately attracted to it because the theme for the contest was around healing. (If you haven't gathered from all of my other entries, my dissertation topic has to do with African American adolescent's beliefs on trauma and healing.)
Well, it was coming down to the wire and, of course, I hand't written a thing. The deadline was March 28th, and as of the 26th, I had nothing.
Giving up would have been easy at that point, but there was something nagging at me to push through and make something happen.
So, at the last minute, on March 28th I submitted a poem.
. . .
Since that day the contest has been on my mind. I knew that a decision about the contest winners would be delivered in just a matter of weeks, so I waited in hopeful anticipation of good news.
I checked the website a few times this morning, but no results.
5pm…still nothing.
Well, just about 10 minutes ago I almost fainted.
After clicking on the link to the main website for the contest, I noticed that winners were listed.
I quickly saw the name of the first place winner. . .didn't start with a "Z".
Second place winner . . .a Howard student, but still not me.
And then, as I was preparing to give myself the speech about being proud of myself for entering anyway, I noticed that the name of the third place winner looked VERY familiar. It read:
"Third Place Prize: $250…"
And then I lost it.
OOOOOOOMMMMMMMGGGGGGG, THAT'S THE TITLE OF MY POEM. . .AND THAT'S MY NAME NEXT TO IT!!!!!!!!
I……WON!!!!!!!
I was truly overcome with joy. It felt like engagement night ALL over again. I fell speechless and near tears.
I'm grateful, humbled, and proud.
Creator, thank you for sending encouragement right on time.
Thank You.
Check out the contest here: www.tucksonhealthconnections.com/healing-stories-creative-writing-contest/
. . .
A few weeks back I happened across a writing contest on the school's main website. I was immediately attracted to it because the theme for the contest was around healing. (If you haven't gathered from all of my other entries, my dissertation topic has to do with African American adolescent's beliefs on trauma and healing.)
Well, it was coming down to the wire and, of course, I hand't written a thing. The deadline was March 28th, and as of the 26th, I had nothing.
Giving up would have been easy at that point, but there was something nagging at me to push through and make something happen.
So, at the last minute, on March 28th I submitted a poem.
. . .
Since that day the contest has been on my mind. I knew that a decision about the contest winners would be delivered in just a matter of weeks, so I waited in hopeful anticipation of good news.
I checked the website a few times this morning, but no results.
5pm…still nothing.
Well, just about 10 minutes ago I almost fainted.
After clicking on the link to the main website for the contest, I noticed that winners were listed.
I quickly saw the name of the first place winner. . .didn't start with a "Z".
Second place winner . . .a Howard student, but still not me.
And then, as I was preparing to give myself the speech about being proud of myself for entering anyway, I noticed that the name of the third place winner looked VERY familiar. It read:
"Third Place Prize: $250…"
And then I lost it.
OOOOOOOMMMMMMMGGGGGGG, THAT'S THE TITLE OF MY POEM. . .AND THAT'S MY NAME NEXT TO IT!!!!!!!!
I……WON!!!!!!!
I was truly overcome with joy. It felt like engagement night ALL over again. I fell speechless and near tears.
I'm grateful, humbled, and proud.
Creator, thank you for sending encouragement right on time.
Thank You.
Check out the contest here: www.tucksonhealthconnections.com/healing-stories-creative-writing-contest/
"I got my thoroughest girl wit me"
It's been four years in the making, but, finally, my BEST friend has come to visit.
We met in 6th grade. We were among the "good" girls that pretty much followed the straight and narrow. If I'm being honest, in hindsight, maybe we were THE geek squad. But whatever, the point is that something in our spirits connected us us over 20 years ago, and every time we meet it's like junior high school all over again.
Crystal is the most genuine spirited person I know. She is an amazing reminder of looking at the glass half full. When we're around each other it's all laughs, loud-talking, silliness, and fun! Just what the doctor ordered during the misery that typically comes along with the end-of-the-semester-blues.
It's been EVERYTHING I've imagined so far. Since I picked her up at the bus station two days ago, we've been ripping and running. I've been showing her around my favorite places and we've found some hidden treasures in restaurants that I didn't even know were in my backyard. To top it all off, the weather has been beautiful. It's like Spring picked the PERFECT weekend to really show up.
Even in the midst of all the work I'm trying to complete, just having my bestie here with me has helped change the energy in these parts. I'm happy to have company and ceaseless girl talk, and some sort of balance to this academic process, if only for a few days.
Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that. It's actually 3:13AM. While the bestie is knocked out in the room, I'm here trying to type for my life. This chapter two needs to get into the hands of my advisor in 3 days, and it sure ain't gonna write itself.
So, lata now (in my Crystal voice-that's how she says it on her answering machine)!
We met in 6th grade. We were among the "good" girls that pretty much followed the straight and narrow. If I'm being honest, in hindsight, maybe we were THE geek squad. But whatever, the point is that something in our spirits connected us us over 20 years ago, and every time we meet it's like junior high school all over again.
Crystal is the most genuine spirited person I know. She is an amazing reminder of looking at the glass half full. When we're around each other it's all laughs, loud-talking, silliness, and fun! Just what the doctor ordered during the misery that typically comes along with the end-of-the-semester-blues.
It's been EVERYTHING I've imagined so far. Since I picked her up at the bus station two days ago, we've been ripping and running. I've been showing her around my favorite places and we've found some hidden treasures in restaurants that I didn't even know were in my backyard. To top it all off, the weather has been beautiful. It's like Spring picked the PERFECT weekend to really show up.
Even in the midst of all the work I'm trying to complete, just having my bestie here with me has helped change the energy in these parts. I'm happy to have company and ceaseless girl talk, and some sort of balance to this academic process, if only for a few days.
Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that. It's actually 3:13AM. While the bestie is knocked out in the room, I'm here trying to type for my life. This chapter two needs to get into the hands of my advisor in 3 days, and it sure ain't gonna write itself.
So, lata now (in my Crystal voice-that's how she says it on her answering machine)!
Monday, March 24, 2014
Conversation with former Congressman Ron Dellums
The Director of our program has set up something called The Writing Circle for us PhD students. The circle is a series of writing and professional development sessions that covers a range of topics. The last session we had a pretty amazing guest speaker.
That morning, I walked into the Health Sciences library just about two minutes before the meeting was scheduled to start. At the head of the conference table was a slender gentleman with a powder white, full afro. His energy screamed the 60s, his story boasted of civil rights-esque activism and leadership.
Former Congressman Ron Dellums was lined up to speak with us that day. He was extremely warm personality and had a vibrant life story of political activism mixed with personal tales of growing up under the wisdom of strong women. The part of his message that most stood out to me were his authentic leadership and fearlessness. There were many, many aha moments in his sharing. I took the following notes to try and capture some of the conversation:
Celebrate all of who you are. We are not one-dimensional beings.
Assume the responsibility of whatever role you take.
There's nothing wrong with people who are poor, but there's problem with a society that perpetuates poverty
The role of a scholar: 1) inform the debate; 2) encourage ideas, engagement, participation; 3)inspire leadership
Always be in the process of self-evaluation and self-renewal
Don't make the mistake of thinking you have the luxury of times; there is an urgency
Engage in this work because it is imperative, because our survival is at stake. We can't afford not to
When confronted with a common threat, your differences disappear
As long as we engage in sectarian battles we diminish the energy of the universal struggle
If you want to bring change, go forth assertively and establish your citizenship. I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HERE.
Bend the political process to the will of the people
Free yourself from the fear of defeat and you will maximize your potential for victory
Live your life fully, minimize the compromises. BE.
Step up into things feeling and knowing your strength
Two pieces of advice that really stood out to me from his presentation are mantras that I will take with me as I move forward through this process:
I will show up as who I am.
I just decided NOT to be afraid.
That morning, I walked into the Health Sciences library just about two minutes before the meeting was scheduled to start. At the head of the conference table was a slender gentleman with a powder white, full afro. His energy screamed the 60s, his story boasted of civil rights-esque activism and leadership.
Former Congressman Ron Dellums was lined up to speak with us that day. He was extremely warm personality and had a vibrant life story of political activism mixed with personal tales of growing up under the wisdom of strong women. The part of his message that most stood out to me were his authentic leadership and fearlessness. There were many, many aha moments in his sharing. I took the following notes to try and capture some of the conversation:
Celebrate all of who you are. We are not one-dimensional beings.
Assume the responsibility of whatever role you take.
There's nothing wrong with people who are poor, but there's problem with a society that perpetuates poverty
The role of a scholar: 1) inform the debate; 2) encourage ideas, engagement, participation; 3)inspire leadership
Always be in the process of self-evaluation and self-renewal
Don't make the mistake of thinking you have the luxury of times; there is an urgency
Engage in this work because it is imperative, because our survival is at stake. We can't afford not to
When confronted with a common threat, your differences disappear
As long as we engage in sectarian battles we diminish the energy of the universal struggle
If you want to bring change, go forth assertively and establish your citizenship. I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HERE.
Bend the political process to the will of the people
Free yourself from the fear of defeat and you will maximize your potential for victory
Live your life fully, minimize the compromises. BE.
Step up into things feeling and knowing your strength
Two pieces of advice that really stood out to me from his presentation are mantras that I will take with me as I move forward through this process:
I will show up as who I am.
I just decided NOT to be afraid.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Take 2.
One week ago, today, I got one of the BIGGEST surprises of my life. . .
Last Thursday, February 27, 2014 at about 6:10pm, I concluded a very difficult data analysis class. I was glad that I had planned to meet up with a colleague afterward because I needed to vent. The material for that class was a little complex and difficult to convey to the students. I didn't feel like it was a stellar teaching performance, so I was a little disappointed.
After answering questions from those who had lingered, I trekked up the stairs to the third floor. My high heel teacher shoes announced my every step. My two ton purse with laptop and teaching materials made the walk that much weightier.
I approached the doctoral lab where my colleague had told me she was waiting. I was a little taken aback by the fact that the door was closed. It never is. But I figured, hey, my friend must have done so for privacy and security reasons since the third floor seemed like a ghost town.
I approached the room and proceeded to turn the knob. I was prepared to immediately begin running off at the mouth about how "over it" I was, but I was caught off guard by what I found inside.
As my brain adjusted and my vision corrected itself, I realized I was staring in the face of my partner. At this point, I am utterly confused because, to my knowledge, he was in New York and I wasn't expecting him until the following day.
We immediately exchange grins and he walks toward me. At this point I'm thinking he just surprised me by coming up a day early. He'd done those kind of surprises before.
But then things went a little different. He walked toward me, and his height slowly started decreasing as he bent down, posturing as if he were proposing. In my mind, this was simply a familiar joke that we'd played before. I figured, we would laugh and he would get back up and we'd move forward with our extended weekend plans.
And then there was a box. . .of the jewelry kind. It was a dark satin color with a ribbon finish that he pulled from his interior coat pocket. [Ha ha, very funny, he brought props this time.]
Before long I realize that I am the only one laughing.
He uttered words that I definitely did not hear at the time, because shock was sinking in. There was a REAL ring in that box, and his remarks were of the "Will you marry me?" kind.
Let's just say there's pictures of me on the floor with hands covering my mouth in signature shock pose. I could NOT believe my eyes, and if I didn't grow temporarily deaf I'm certain I would have questioned what my ears had heard.
My absolute best friend, and the man that I had prayed for, has asked to spend forever with me, and I have a shiny, sparkly piece of hardware to prove it!
All I can say is who knew that year four would have all of this in store?!?!
**cuepharell** #HAPPY
Last Thursday, February 27, 2014 at about 6:10pm, I concluded a very difficult data analysis class. I was glad that I had planned to meet up with a colleague afterward because I needed to vent. The material for that class was a little complex and difficult to convey to the students. I didn't feel like it was a stellar teaching performance, so I was a little disappointed.
After answering questions from those who had lingered, I trekked up the stairs to the third floor. My high heel teacher shoes announced my every step. My two ton purse with laptop and teaching materials made the walk that much weightier.
I approached the doctoral lab where my colleague had told me she was waiting. I was a little taken aback by the fact that the door was closed. It never is. But I figured, hey, my friend must have done so for privacy and security reasons since the third floor seemed like a ghost town.
I approached the room and proceeded to turn the knob. I was prepared to immediately begin running off at the mouth about how "over it" I was, but I was caught off guard by what I found inside.
As my brain adjusted and my vision corrected itself, I realized I was staring in the face of my partner. At this point, I am utterly confused because, to my knowledge, he was in New York and I wasn't expecting him until the following day.
We immediately exchange grins and he walks toward me. At this point I'm thinking he just surprised me by coming up a day early. He'd done those kind of surprises before.
But then things went a little different. He walked toward me, and his height slowly started decreasing as he bent down, posturing as if he were proposing. In my mind, this was simply a familiar joke that we'd played before. I figured, we would laugh and he would get back up and we'd move forward with our extended weekend plans.
And then there was a box. . .of the jewelry kind. It was a dark satin color with a ribbon finish that he pulled from his interior coat pocket. [Ha ha, very funny, he brought props this time.]
Before long I realize that I am the only one laughing.
He uttered words that I definitely did not hear at the time, because shock was sinking in. There was a REAL ring in that box, and his remarks were of the "Will you marry me?" kind.
Let's just say there's pictures of me on the floor with hands covering my mouth in signature shock pose. I could NOT believe my eyes, and if I didn't grow temporarily deaf I'm certain I would have questioned what my ears had heard.
My absolute best friend, and the man that I had prayed for, has asked to spend forever with me, and I have a shiny, sparkly piece of hardware to prove it!
All I can say is who knew that year four would have all of this in store?!?!
**cuepharell** #HAPPY
Thursday, February 27, 2014
I…JUST…GOT…ENGAGEDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!
Sorry, I've been in shock for the past three hours.
Still speechless.
I'll try and write more later…
I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!
I can't even breathe!
Still speechless.
I'll try and write more later…
I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!
I can't even breathe!
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Ladies who Lead
I had the privilege of attending a lunch/tea with some amazing women from around campus. These were Deans and Interim Deans who assembled to share with faculty and students about their experiences in leadership. I took notes to help capture some of the gems that they shared. Here's some highlights:
Take Risks
Have a spirit of discernment around using your gifts and tools
Consider the specific environment/context in which you lead, and bring the skills and attitude that will help you be successful in that kind of environment
Network to expand your exposure
Become fiscally savvy
Examine your excuses
Look for diverse leadership; assemble people with diverse strengths
Stay calm in the face of crisis
Know WHY you want to be a leader
Forget a mentor, Find a sponsor. A mentor helps you find a dream, a sponsor is a dream enabler
Be broader than your discipline; have a far reach; be known outside of your institution
You lead from WHO you are, so be careful about WHO YOU ARE
Always take the high road
Set your boundaries; under what conditions do you stay? Under what conditions will you move on?
Don't assume anything starts with your arrival
Authentic Leadership: You CAN'T b anything other than who you are
At what cost are you assuming your leadership roles?
Books to check out: Lean In and Turnaround leadership
Take Risks
Have a spirit of discernment around using your gifts and tools
Consider the specific environment/context in which you lead, and bring the skills and attitude that will help you be successful in that kind of environment
Network to expand your exposure
Become fiscally savvy
Examine your excuses
Look for diverse leadership; assemble people with diverse strengths
Stay calm in the face of crisis
Know WHY you want to be a leader
Forget a mentor, Find a sponsor. A mentor helps you find a dream, a sponsor is a dream enabler
Be broader than your discipline; have a far reach; be known outside of your institution
You lead from WHO you are, so be careful about WHO YOU ARE
Always take the high road
Set your boundaries; under what conditions do you stay? Under what conditions will you move on?
Don't assume anything starts with your arrival
Authentic Leadership: You CAN'T b anything other than who you are
At what cost are you assuming your leadership roles?
Books to check out: Lean In and Turnaround leadership
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Just remember to connect the pieces.
Today's Aha Moment comes courtesy of grappling with my dissertation...Go figure.
Sometimes in this process you forget that it is a process, a set of inter-related happenings that all works together in getting you to your ultimate goal. Yeah, like those first two years of course work, yup, they matter to these final three years of writing. I know, DUHHHHHH! But here's the thing: you bust your ass just to make it through those first two big ones. You study hard to pass those major exams and subconsciously you reduce the beginning of this whole experience to that moment when you find out you've passed and got your approval to move on to the main event: The dissertation.
I might have written somewhere in here before about the weird space you feel after all that beginning hustle and bustle is over. The last day of Comps and SIA writing your brain goes into a fog and your world freezes. You want to turn it all off for a little while because what you've just endured was some next level madness that you want to simply erase from every possible memory chamber in your physical body. It all becomes a blur...
...And then you snap back into reality, recharge your batteries and get going on figuring out your topic and writing for your life. But, sometimes, in the midst of the mad dash, you forget to connect some very important dots, like really acknowledging how all the stuff you learned is what you will need to help get you through this final monster project.
Today, as I went back to my first year research textbook and reviewed the first chapter, I remembered this important thing called the research paradigm. This paradigm includes an explanation of the framing principles that provide the foundation for the direction of my research design. I realized as I read between the lines that I had jumped so far ahead into trying to explain my ideas and justify my research design that I neglected to get solid in the foundation of the whole story. Just by stopping and articulating how the interpretivist and constructivist paradigms frame my worldview as a researcher I gave new life to my document and my revisions. Praise God!
You may not understand what all this means or you may be judging me for this brain fart, but this is truly a profound turning point in my soon-to-be dissertation history.
Simply put, I just had to go back to where it all started...and now I can move forward.
Sometimes in this process you forget that it is a process, a set of inter-related happenings that all works together in getting you to your ultimate goal. Yeah, like those first two years of course work, yup, they matter to these final three years of writing. I know, DUHHHHHH! But here's the thing: you bust your ass just to make it through those first two big ones. You study hard to pass those major exams and subconsciously you reduce the beginning of this whole experience to that moment when you find out you've passed and got your approval to move on to the main event: The dissertation.
I might have written somewhere in here before about the weird space you feel after all that beginning hustle and bustle is over. The last day of Comps and SIA writing your brain goes into a fog and your world freezes. You want to turn it all off for a little while because what you've just endured was some next level madness that you want to simply erase from every possible memory chamber in your physical body. It all becomes a blur...
...And then you snap back into reality, recharge your batteries and get going on figuring out your topic and writing for your life. But, sometimes, in the midst of the mad dash, you forget to connect some very important dots, like really acknowledging how all the stuff you learned is what you will need to help get you through this final monster project.
Today, as I went back to my first year research textbook and reviewed the first chapter, I remembered this important thing called the research paradigm. This paradigm includes an explanation of the framing principles that provide the foundation for the direction of my research design. I realized as I read between the lines that I had jumped so far ahead into trying to explain my ideas and justify my research design that I neglected to get solid in the foundation of the whole story. Just by stopping and articulating how the interpretivist and constructivist paradigms frame my worldview as a researcher I gave new life to my document and my revisions. Praise God!
You may not understand what all this means or you may be judging me for this brain fart, but this is truly a profound turning point in my soon-to-be dissertation history.
Simply put, I just had to go back to where it all started...and now I can move forward.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Draft. Revise. Repeat.
A few weeks ago I stepped on the gas and went full speed ahead to get out a third draft of my proposal. This meant long nights with peers on campus working on section after section of this document. With a proposal goal of sometime this semester, there's lots to get done and little time for messing around.
About a week ago today, I took a major sigh of relief as I submitted my draft to my advisor. I exhaled for a little bit and then began to catch up on some other unfinished tasks like my fellowship renewal and abstract submission for CSWE 2014. I even planned a short getaway home to celebrate my youngest niece's birthday with the fam. But before my feet got planted in the concrete jungle that is New York, I got a call from my advisor and my respite was abruptly brought to a close.
I was exhausted of all things dissertation at that point, but grateful for the timely feedback. We had a very detailed conversation about the changes I made to my my draft and I answered some clarifying questions about my document and research goals. One major lesson I got from this discussion: DO NOT SECOND GUESS MYSELF. I am clear now, more than ever before, that my topic is important and can help me make a significant contribution to discussion around African American mental health.
Sometimes, as you engage in the the terrorizing task of writing and re-writing you can end up feeling not so sure. But I now know that I must keep trudging confidently in the direction of my vision, for there is definitely value there.
It is now Tuesday and we are in the second week of February. I have returned from NY and am officially back at it. I've made revisions to Chapter 1 and am planning to speak with my advisor about those changes and moving forward. I'm a little anxious because time is definitely ticking, but that's what it does; if it stopped therein would lie a whole other set of problems. So I will keep pushing, trusting that my divine date to defend is already orchestrated by the Master Planner.
Woooooooosah.
Your prayers are greatly appreciated!
Cheers.
About a week ago today, I took a major sigh of relief as I submitted my draft to my advisor. I exhaled for a little bit and then began to catch up on some other unfinished tasks like my fellowship renewal and abstract submission for CSWE 2014. I even planned a short getaway home to celebrate my youngest niece's birthday with the fam. But before my feet got planted in the concrete jungle that is New York, I got a call from my advisor and my respite was abruptly brought to a close.
I was exhausted of all things dissertation at that point, but grateful for the timely feedback. We had a very detailed conversation about the changes I made to my my draft and I answered some clarifying questions about my document and research goals. One major lesson I got from this discussion: DO NOT SECOND GUESS MYSELF. I am clear now, more than ever before, that my topic is important and can help me make a significant contribution to discussion around African American mental health.
Sometimes, as you engage in the the terrorizing task of writing and re-writing you can end up feeling not so sure. But I now know that I must keep trudging confidently in the direction of my vision, for there is definitely value there.
It is now Tuesday and we are in the second week of February. I have returned from NY and am officially back at it. I've made revisions to Chapter 1 and am planning to speak with my advisor about those changes and moving forward. I'm a little anxious because time is definitely ticking, but that's what it does; if it stopped therein would lie a whole other set of problems. So I will keep pushing, trusting that my divine date to defend is already orchestrated by the Master Planner.
Woooooooosah.
Your prayers are greatly appreciated!
Cheers.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Just Keep your head in the game.
Today, is one of those days where I need to remind myself to just keep swimming.
I feel the mixed feelings creeping in. I'm getting frustrated with revisions and trying to map out how I'm going to do it all.
I give myself permission to feel what I'm feeling.
I also remind myself of the bigger picture. There's a reason for what I'm doing. I'm wrestling with these ideas because there is an important message in the work I want to contribute.
So, I will press on.
I can't "set down on these steps cuz [I] finds it's kinder hard".
I will keep climbing.
* * *
My mom used to always recite this poem. Thank you Langston for your encouragement.
Mother to Son
BY LANGSTON HUGHES
Well, son, I’ll tell you:
Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.
It’s had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor—
Bare.
But all the time
I’se been a-climbin’ on,
And reachin’ landin’s,
And turnin’ corners,
And sometimes goin’ in the dark
Where there ain’t been no light.
So boy, don’t you turn back.
Don’t you set down on the steps
’Cause you finds it’s kinder hard.
Don’t you fall now—
For I’se still goin’, honey,
I’se still climbin’,
And life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.
I feel the mixed feelings creeping in. I'm getting frustrated with revisions and trying to map out how I'm going to do it all.
I give myself permission to feel what I'm feeling.
I also remind myself of the bigger picture. There's a reason for what I'm doing. I'm wrestling with these ideas because there is an important message in the work I want to contribute.
So, I will press on.
I can't "set down on these steps cuz [I] finds it's kinder hard".
I will keep climbing.
* * *
My mom used to always recite this poem. Thank you Langston for your encouragement.
Mother to Son
BY LANGSTON HUGHES
Well, son, I’ll tell you:
Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.
It’s had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor—
Bare.
But all the time
I’se been a-climbin’ on,
And reachin’ landin’s,
And turnin’ corners,
And sometimes goin’ in the dark
Where there ain’t been no light.
So boy, don’t you turn back.
Don’t you set down on the steps
’Cause you finds it’s kinder hard.
Don’t you fall now—
For I’se still goin’, honey,
I’se still climbin’,
And life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
T.A. 2.0
This afternoon I began my second stint as a teaching assistant. This time the course: hybrid data analysis.
We have a full load of 20 students with many familiar faces from my research methods class.
I'll be honest, the first day was a little different than last time. It was a lot more of a collaborative effort between the official instructor and me so I had to amend my first day of class style a little bit.
In my heart I wanted to make sure that students didn't feel so anxious about stats or working with numbers so they could bring a different energy to the course, but with a hybrid class there's definitely more logistics to get in than fun.
I did manage to do a short exercise to bring a little energy into the room, but I'm sure that that ten minutes of fun was quickly overshadowed by the 30 minute pretest that the official course instructor found necessary to provide. Smh. I couldn't talk him out of it.
It almost feels a little weird to be back at it so quickly. I'd like to feel much better prepared and more in my own groove in two weeks when we meet again for class. While today wasn't the best, I'm still excited for the course. It will be good to develop some skills with doing online instruction and to see if my ideas for making stats a more student friendly course actually work out. We shall see!
Ill be sure to keep you posted.
We have a full load of 20 students with many familiar faces from my research methods class.
I'll be honest, the first day was a little different than last time. It was a lot more of a collaborative effort between the official instructor and me so I had to amend my first day of class style a little bit.
In my heart I wanted to make sure that students didn't feel so anxious about stats or working with numbers so they could bring a different energy to the course, but with a hybrid class there's definitely more logistics to get in than fun.
I did manage to do a short exercise to bring a little energy into the room, but I'm sure that that ten minutes of fun was quickly overshadowed by the 30 minute pretest that the official course instructor found necessary to provide. Smh. I couldn't talk him out of it.
It almost feels a little weird to be back at it so quickly. I'd like to feel much better prepared and more in my own groove in two weeks when we meet again for class. While today wasn't the best, I'm still excited for the course. It will be good to develop some skills with doing online instruction and to see if my ideas for making stats a more student friendly course actually work out. We shall see!
Ill be sure to keep you posted.
Monday, January 13, 2014
Lights, Camera, Help Desk!
Yesterday at Union Station Iyanla Vanzant showed up to tape an episode of a new show, Help Desk. I was at the station sitting in the main lobby area where people usually congregate to wait for Amtrak and local trains not realizing that just feet away there were big lights, cameras and lots of reality tv action!
When I happened upon the area where they were taping, I was standing moments away from Iyanla in the middle of a crowd of mostly African American women. She definitely spoke in her "fix my life" motivational tones. Initially, I listened in as she helped some think through self-esteem and identity issues and then she turned to a group activity.
Me, in my signature shy mode, thought I was just gonna blend into the background and observe from a healthy distance. But, to my surprise, she decided to get a little more intimate in her approach. She asked the onlookers to pair up with one another and take a back-to-back stance that demonstrated having support for one another. As I watched people pair up all around me, I thought I dodged a bullet and was the odd one out who hadn't shown up with anyone to partner with. In true Iyanla fashion, however, she caught me in her eyesight standing afar just as she was trying to find a partner for one another woman who had stood right up front in the eager section, yet had moved too slow to grab up a teammate.
Before long, Iyanla made her way through the pairs to where I was hiding and gently ushered me to the front, where a camera found a home right in my face as we did the closed eye activity. Luckily I hand't noticed the camera until after we were all done with our call and response exercise where we told out partner that we had her back.
When I got over my own vain preoccupation with thinking about how I will look on national television and plotting my way to explain to the camera crew that I had consented to no such thing, I allowed Iyanla's message from the activity to sink in.
There is none more perfect timing that the start of this new semester to be reminded to rely on community and not feel like I have to be on this road totally alone. I was also reminded about the fact that I did not have to carry anyone's burden or weigh myself down with worry. I could rely on the strength and love of others and of God.
So, I'll just carry that with me.
I commit to standing in support of others, where I can, and allowing others to do the same for me.
We can never truly go this journey alone.
When I happened upon the area where they were taping, I was standing moments away from Iyanla in the middle of a crowd of mostly African American women. She definitely spoke in her "fix my life" motivational tones. Initially, I listened in as she helped some think through self-esteem and identity issues and then she turned to a group activity.
Me, in my signature shy mode, thought I was just gonna blend into the background and observe from a healthy distance. But, to my surprise, she decided to get a little more intimate in her approach. She asked the onlookers to pair up with one another and take a back-to-back stance that demonstrated having support for one another. As I watched people pair up all around me, I thought I dodged a bullet and was the odd one out who hadn't shown up with anyone to partner with. In true Iyanla fashion, however, she caught me in her eyesight standing afar just as she was trying to find a partner for one another woman who had stood right up front in the eager section, yet had moved too slow to grab up a teammate.
Before long, Iyanla made her way through the pairs to where I was hiding and gently ushered me to the front, where a camera found a home right in my face as we did the closed eye activity. Luckily I hand't noticed the camera until after we were all done with our call and response exercise where we told out partner that we had her back.
When I got over my own vain preoccupation with thinking about how I will look on national television and plotting my way to explain to the camera crew that I had consented to no such thing, I allowed Iyanla's message from the activity to sink in.
There is none more perfect timing that the start of this new semester to be reminded to rely on community and not feel like I have to be on this road totally alone. I was also reminded about the fact that I did not have to carry anyone's burden or weigh myself down with worry. I could rely on the strength and love of others and of God.
So, I'll just carry that with me.
I commit to standing in support of others, where I can, and allowing others to do the same for me.
We can never truly go this journey alone.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Gifted Hands
This past Christmas, I made up my mind to do things differently (my budget actually helped encourage me to take this new approach). Instead of last minute drive-myself-crazy-shopping and running up my credit card, I decided that I would make gifts for my family. In the true spirit of Kuumba, I got creative and made presents from the heart.
First, I gathered photos of everyone from the collections I had on my computer, and pics I copied from social media pages, and made personalized 2014 calendars. The calendars contained images that I thought reflected inspiring characteristics about each individual and/or one of their many talents. Initially, I just made some for immediate family, but they came out so nicely that I made some for others and they were extremely budget friendly!!
Next, a friend of mine had recently sent me a recipe for DIY deodorant. Yeah, I know, deodorant can be a little sensitive to give as a gift, but this recipe provides an alternative formula for deodorant that does not use any of the chemicals used in processed, commercial brands. Instead of seeing it as an insult, I considered it a way to invest in my loved ones' health by offering them this handmade alternative. I found neat glass jars to put the product in and added labels on each jar informing them that of what was in their possession: Lulu's Handmade Deodorant. It was definitely crafted in love…you can ask Lawrence about how I turned his place into my science lab, with pot melting shea butter and coconut oil all over the place. In the end though, it was definitely worth it. So far the feedback has been positive. I'm actually wearing some of it now, and have been quite satisfied with the results, even under conditions of a high energy exertion, heat, and stress. Score!!
Lastly, for my mom I created a special gift to honor her retirement and help her transition to life after her 9-5. I won't describe the details of that gift here because I may be turning that one into a marketable venture in the near future. I'll keep you posted.
Since I've returned to MD, my hands have continually been working. In addition to my dissertation, I've been trying out some recipes and keeping my creative juices flowing in other areas.
A few months back when I was working on some affirmations, one of them was to be open to discovering more of my own creativity and talents that I did not know I had. Well, I've been doing just that. Today, I give thanks for my hands and all that they will lead me in manifesting this semester and beyond.
That's all.
First, I gathered photos of everyone from the collections I had on my computer, and pics I copied from social media pages, and made personalized 2014 calendars. The calendars contained images that I thought reflected inspiring characteristics about each individual and/or one of their many talents. Initially, I just made some for immediate family, but they came out so nicely that I made some for others and they were extremely budget friendly!!
Next, a friend of mine had recently sent me a recipe for DIY deodorant. Yeah, I know, deodorant can be a little sensitive to give as a gift, but this recipe provides an alternative formula for deodorant that does not use any of the chemicals used in processed, commercial brands. Instead of seeing it as an insult, I considered it a way to invest in my loved ones' health by offering them this handmade alternative. I found neat glass jars to put the product in and added labels on each jar informing them that of what was in their possession: Lulu's Handmade Deodorant. It was definitely crafted in love…you can ask Lawrence about how I turned his place into my science lab, with pot melting shea butter and coconut oil all over the place. In the end though, it was definitely worth it. So far the feedback has been positive. I'm actually wearing some of it now, and have been quite satisfied with the results, even under conditions of a high energy exertion, heat, and stress. Score!!
Lastly, for my mom I created a special gift to honor her retirement and help her transition to life after her 9-5. I won't describe the details of that gift here because I may be turning that one into a marketable venture in the near future. I'll keep you posted.
Since I've returned to MD, my hands have continually been working. In addition to my dissertation, I've been trying out some recipes and keeping my creative juices flowing in other areas.
A few months back when I was working on some affirmations, one of them was to be open to discovering more of my own creativity and talents that I did not know I had. Well, I've been doing just that. Today, I give thanks for my hands and all that they will lead me in manifesting this semester and beyond.
That's all.
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