Today, is one of those days where I need to remind myself to just keep swimming.
I feel the mixed feelings creeping in. I'm getting frustrated with revisions and trying to map out how I'm going to do it all.
I give myself permission to feel what I'm feeling.
I also remind myself of the bigger picture. There's a reason for what I'm doing. I'm wrestling with these ideas because there is an important message in the work I want to contribute.
So, I will press on.
I can't "set down on these steps cuz [I] finds it's kinder hard".
I will keep climbing.
* * *
My mom used to always recite this poem. Thank you Langston for your encouragement.
Mother to Son
BY LANGSTON HUGHES
Well, son, I’ll tell you:
Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.
It’s had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor—
Bare.
But all the time
I’se been a-climbin’ on,
And reachin’ landin’s,
And turnin’ corners,
And sometimes goin’ in the dark
Where there ain’t been no light.
So boy, don’t you turn back.
Don’t you set down on the steps
’Cause you finds it’s kinder hard.
Don’t you fall now—
For I’se still goin’, honey,
I’se still climbin’,
And life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Thursday, January 16, 2014
T.A. 2.0
This afternoon I began my second stint as a teaching assistant. This time the course: hybrid data analysis.
We have a full load of 20 students with many familiar faces from my research methods class.
I'll be honest, the first day was a little different than last time. It was a lot more of a collaborative effort between the official instructor and me so I had to amend my first day of class style a little bit.
In my heart I wanted to make sure that students didn't feel so anxious about stats or working with numbers so they could bring a different energy to the course, but with a hybrid class there's definitely more logistics to get in than fun.
I did manage to do a short exercise to bring a little energy into the room, but I'm sure that that ten minutes of fun was quickly overshadowed by the 30 minute pretest that the official course instructor found necessary to provide. Smh. I couldn't talk him out of it.
It almost feels a little weird to be back at it so quickly. I'd like to feel much better prepared and more in my own groove in two weeks when we meet again for class. While today wasn't the best, I'm still excited for the course. It will be good to develop some skills with doing online instruction and to see if my ideas for making stats a more student friendly course actually work out. We shall see!
Ill be sure to keep you posted.
We have a full load of 20 students with many familiar faces from my research methods class.
I'll be honest, the first day was a little different than last time. It was a lot more of a collaborative effort between the official instructor and me so I had to amend my first day of class style a little bit.
In my heart I wanted to make sure that students didn't feel so anxious about stats or working with numbers so they could bring a different energy to the course, but with a hybrid class there's definitely more logistics to get in than fun.
I did manage to do a short exercise to bring a little energy into the room, but I'm sure that that ten minutes of fun was quickly overshadowed by the 30 minute pretest that the official course instructor found necessary to provide. Smh. I couldn't talk him out of it.
It almost feels a little weird to be back at it so quickly. I'd like to feel much better prepared and more in my own groove in two weeks when we meet again for class. While today wasn't the best, I'm still excited for the course. It will be good to develop some skills with doing online instruction and to see if my ideas for making stats a more student friendly course actually work out. We shall see!
Ill be sure to keep you posted.
Monday, January 13, 2014
Lights, Camera, Help Desk!
Yesterday at Union Station Iyanla Vanzant showed up to tape an episode of a new show, Help Desk. I was at the station sitting in the main lobby area where people usually congregate to wait for Amtrak and local trains not realizing that just feet away there were big lights, cameras and lots of reality tv action!
When I happened upon the area where they were taping, I was standing moments away from Iyanla in the middle of a crowd of mostly African American women. She definitely spoke in her "fix my life" motivational tones. Initially, I listened in as she helped some think through self-esteem and identity issues and then she turned to a group activity.
Me, in my signature shy mode, thought I was just gonna blend into the background and observe from a healthy distance. But, to my surprise, she decided to get a little more intimate in her approach. She asked the onlookers to pair up with one another and take a back-to-back stance that demonstrated having support for one another. As I watched people pair up all around me, I thought I dodged a bullet and was the odd one out who hadn't shown up with anyone to partner with. In true Iyanla fashion, however, she caught me in her eyesight standing afar just as she was trying to find a partner for one another woman who had stood right up front in the eager section, yet had moved too slow to grab up a teammate.
Before long, Iyanla made her way through the pairs to where I was hiding and gently ushered me to the front, where a camera found a home right in my face as we did the closed eye activity. Luckily I hand't noticed the camera until after we were all done with our call and response exercise where we told out partner that we had her back.
When I got over my own vain preoccupation with thinking about how I will look on national television and plotting my way to explain to the camera crew that I had consented to no such thing, I allowed Iyanla's message from the activity to sink in.
There is none more perfect timing that the start of this new semester to be reminded to rely on community and not feel like I have to be on this road totally alone. I was also reminded about the fact that I did not have to carry anyone's burden or weigh myself down with worry. I could rely on the strength and love of others and of God.
So, I'll just carry that with me.
I commit to standing in support of others, where I can, and allowing others to do the same for me.
We can never truly go this journey alone.
When I happened upon the area where they were taping, I was standing moments away from Iyanla in the middle of a crowd of mostly African American women. She definitely spoke in her "fix my life" motivational tones. Initially, I listened in as she helped some think through self-esteem and identity issues and then she turned to a group activity.
Me, in my signature shy mode, thought I was just gonna blend into the background and observe from a healthy distance. But, to my surprise, she decided to get a little more intimate in her approach. She asked the onlookers to pair up with one another and take a back-to-back stance that demonstrated having support for one another. As I watched people pair up all around me, I thought I dodged a bullet and was the odd one out who hadn't shown up with anyone to partner with. In true Iyanla fashion, however, she caught me in her eyesight standing afar just as she was trying to find a partner for one another woman who had stood right up front in the eager section, yet had moved too slow to grab up a teammate.
Before long, Iyanla made her way through the pairs to where I was hiding and gently ushered me to the front, where a camera found a home right in my face as we did the closed eye activity. Luckily I hand't noticed the camera until after we were all done with our call and response exercise where we told out partner that we had her back.
When I got over my own vain preoccupation with thinking about how I will look on national television and plotting my way to explain to the camera crew that I had consented to no such thing, I allowed Iyanla's message from the activity to sink in.
There is none more perfect timing that the start of this new semester to be reminded to rely on community and not feel like I have to be on this road totally alone. I was also reminded about the fact that I did not have to carry anyone's burden or weigh myself down with worry. I could rely on the strength and love of others and of God.
So, I'll just carry that with me.
I commit to standing in support of others, where I can, and allowing others to do the same for me.
We can never truly go this journey alone.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Gifted Hands
This past Christmas, I made up my mind to do things differently (my budget actually helped encourage me to take this new approach). Instead of last minute drive-myself-crazy-shopping and running up my credit card, I decided that I would make gifts for my family. In the true spirit of Kuumba, I got creative and made presents from the heart.
First, I gathered photos of everyone from the collections I had on my computer, and pics I copied from social media pages, and made personalized 2014 calendars. The calendars contained images that I thought reflected inspiring characteristics about each individual and/or one of their many talents. Initially, I just made some for immediate family, but they came out so nicely that I made some for others and they were extremely budget friendly!!
Next, a friend of mine had recently sent me a recipe for DIY deodorant. Yeah, I know, deodorant can be a little sensitive to give as a gift, but this recipe provides an alternative formula for deodorant that does not use any of the chemicals used in processed, commercial brands. Instead of seeing it as an insult, I considered it a way to invest in my loved ones' health by offering them this handmade alternative. I found neat glass jars to put the product in and added labels on each jar informing them that of what was in their possession: Lulu's Handmade Deodorant. It was definitely crafted in love…you can ask Lawrence about how I turned his place into my science lab, with pot melting shea butter and coconut oil all over the place. In the end though, it was definitely worth it. So far the feedback has been positive. I'm actually wearing some of it now, and have been quite satisfied with the results, even under conditions of a high energy exertion, heat, and stress. Score!!
Lastly, for my mom I created a special gift to honor her retirement and help her transition to life after her 9-5. I won't describe the details of that gift here because I may be turning that one into a marketable venture in the near future. I'll keep you posted.
Since I've returned to MD, my hands have continually been working. In addition to my dissertation, I've been trying out some recipes and keeping my creative juices flowing in other areas.
A few months back when I was working on some affirmations, one of them was to be open to discovering more of my own creativity and talents that I did not know I had. Well, I've been doing just that. Today, I give thanks for my hands and all that they will lead me in manifesting this semester and beyond.
That's all.
First, I gathered photos of everyone from the collections I had on my computer, and pics I copied from social media pages, and made personalized 2014 calendars. The calendars contained images that I thought reflected inspiring characteristics about each individual and/or one of their many talents. Initially, I just made some for immediate family, but they came out so nicely that I made some for others and they were extremely budget friendly!!
Next, a friend of mine had recently sent me a recipe for DIY deodorant. Yeah, I know, deodorant can be a little sensitive to give as a gift, but this recipe provides an alternative formula for deodorant that does not use any of the chemicals used in processed, commercial brands. Instead of seeing it as an insult, I considered it a way to invest in my loved ones' health by offering them this handmade alternative. I found neat glass jars to put the product in and added labels on each jar informing them that of what was in their possession: Lulu's Handmade Deodorant. It was definitely crafted in love…you can ask Lawrence about how I turned his place into my science lab, with pot melting shea butter and coconut oil all over the place. In the end though, it was definitely worth it. So far the feedback has been positive. I'm actually wearing some of it now, and have been quite satisfied with the results, even under conditions of a high energy exertion, heat, and stress. Score!!
Lastly, for my mom I created a special gift to honor her retirement and help her transition to life after her 9-5. I won't describe the details of that gift here because I may be turning that one into a marketable venture in the near future. I'll keep you posted.
Since I've returned to MD, my hands have continually been working. In addition to my dissertation, I've been trying out some recipes and keeping my creative juices flowing in other areas.
A few months back when I was working on some affirmations, one of them was to be open to discovering more of my own creativity and talents that I did not know I had. Well, I've been doing just that. Today, I give thanks for my hands and all that they will lead me in manifesting this semester and beyond.
That's all.
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