We DID IT!!!!!!

About three hours before my scheduled defense, I piled into my neighbor's car along with my mom, my sister, and my fiancé. I sat nervously in the passenger's seat still trying hard to go over my presentation in my head. I oscillated between anxiety and pure exhaustion. I was ready for it to be over.

I got to the room where the defense would take place. I set up my powerpoint, placed my handouts on the table for the committee and other guests, and then put in my headphones. To get in the zone I turned on youtube videos of Dr. Joy Degruy. I find her lectures to be good "hype music" for these types of intense speaking events. I sat in front of the room and stared into the empty seats. I tried hard to figure out how I would begin my defense. I went back and forth between telling another personal story about my experiences in social work and doing something a little more creative. I prepared for both options, but didn't decide until it was go time.

About 15 minutes before we started, the committee and other attendees started filing into the room. I briefly acknowledged everyone, but stayed in my zone until the chair introduced me and declared the defense to begin.

Nervously, I stood before the group, acknowledged the people in the room and then began my spiel. In the moment, I realized I needed something to center me so I decided on going with the creative intro. I shared a poem that I wrote with the room. I knew it was a risk, but it was what I needed to get a flow going. The "Dear Ancestors, Please get well soon" poem that I told you about before helped me to frame the significance of my work around trauma and healing. It was well received. Then I hit the ground running with my slides.

I had soooooo much information to share. I was concerned about going over time, but just had to go for it. I talked my way through the presentation and then the questions began. I got some great feedback about my poem and a mix of tough questions and some that allowed the committee members to just pick my brain about my work. It seemed like this process went on for hours. Most of it I actually can't recall. It was like an out of body experience after a while. I saw people's mouths moving and struggled to stay with them. I was ready to be done.

After about two hours, I was finally excused from the room for their deliberations. I plopped myself down on the red bench in the hall and was surrounded by all my friends and loved ones who came to support. They were talking, sharing kinds words I'm sure, but I was totally out of it…I had dreamt of this moment since the day I walked in for orientation. I couldn't wait to pinch myself on the day I actually took the podium for my final hoorah…and it was finally here. In the midst of the daze I was in seated in that hallway, I inhaled and acknowledged that, after 5 years, the day was finally here.

When my advisor came out to call me back into the room, I took the anxious but excited walk to hear the results. I was eager to hear the official word. When I got in, they closed the door behind me, and all I remember was hearing that I had passed! #Amen #Hallelujah #ThankYouGod!!!!

Teary-eyed, I sat and received notes from the group for my edits. I tried hard to focus on what they were saying, but I was totally distracted by the celebration I was having in my head.

Soon after, the room filled again with my family members and friends and tons of cheers and pictures. With the help of the Creator and all of the people who supported and loved me through this journey, I DID IT!!! WE DID IT!!!!

When we finally peeled ourselves away from the defense room we traveled to a local restaurant to celebrate. Everyone shared their favorite moments and their thoughts and feedback about the experience.

After we finally got home I think I slept for hours and refused to look at that dissertation document for a few days to help myself recover and regroup. The edits and revisions I would do in the days to come were its own beast; they kinda dragged the whole experience on for a few more weeks, but they got done.

For all the anxiety, uncertainty, and frustration that had challenged my faith around completing this process in the time that I had prayed for, it became real to me that when you collaborate with God on something, you best believe mountains will be moved and obstacles destroyed. That day was living proof.

Thank You, God for carrying me through.

We DID IT!!!
Graduation here we come!!!

Reeeeeee-wind

Yeah, it's definitely the end of August and I have absolutely neglected to document the end of my PhD journey. Let's see if I can go back and recapture as much as possible.

#mybad

#leggo

It's about to go doooooowwwwn….

Tomorrow is the BIG day and I'm feeling all sorts of ways. I'm extremely nervous. I'm tired. I've tried to run through my presentation several times and have been totally unsuccessful. I'm overwhelmed. I'm literally feeling it ALL.

I'm trying hard to release and settle into what I know. I trust that it is all within me, but geesh. This is not easy.

BREAAAAAAATHHHHHE!!!

God, I'm just gonna do what I know…PRAY. You know everything that I feel. You know all the thoughts, emotions, this lump in my throat. I surrender it all to you right now. Please comfort and strengthen me. Please provide the right words and go before me and create the right energy in the room and in the committee. Lord, please cover me.

If there is anything that I know from this whole journey, it is that I should trust you…and trust in me. I have arrived at this moment because it is my time. I am capable. I am brilliant. I am articulate. I am ALL that I need. I am whole and complete…and I have you.

So I lay it all down now before You…and I thank you in advance.

Here it goes...

Wow. Just wow…and Thank You!

This past weekend I had the privilege to travel with a group of students from Howard to be inducted into the Edward Bouchet Graduate Honors Society at Yale University. It was an extremely humbling and memorable time.

I met and mingled with scholars across disciplines from about ten other Universities around the country. I learned about research that examines human bones to make determinations about race and mental health. I met a gentleman who is doing work to enhance response to safety alerts in cars. I met a sister whose research enhances the capacity of batteries…brilliant ideas beyond my wildest imagination. And I got to be among the many, presenting my own research to this distinguished group.

I was dog tired, but so excited and proud. I met some great people, and really experienced a defining moment in my PhD experience.

Look what God is doing all en route to the completion of this process. Who would have thunk that all of these blessings would have been granted to me along this journey.

#atalossforwords

Thank You.

Introducing…Dr. Jessica A. Pryce!

I remember when we first met. It was in room 336 and we all sat around the conference-style table anxiously waiting to embark on this academic journey.

There were seven of us then. For various reasons, only two of us now make up our cohort. We have weathered EVERYTHING together.

Today, I witnessed one of THE best oral defenses I have seen here. It was concise. It was informative. It was inspiring. And now, it is finished!

Today, my colleague and dear friend completed one of the last major milestones on the road to graduation. I am SUPER proud.

Please join me in congratulating Dr. Jessica Pryce on a job extremely well done!!

Now, I'm ready.

I have known that my advisor had planned to schedule my defense date for about a month now. I've known for the past two weeks, at least, when the official date was going to be. However, I did not fully own that I was actually graduating until about five minutes ago.

I've been going at it with my documents for the past few weeks. Struggling to make sure that I've given my best and that I accurately honored the voices of the teens who lent their voices to this work. I was unsure and anxious about whether or not what I wrote was good enough. Scholarly enough. Strong enough.

About 140 pages into edits this afternoon I still wasn't convinced, but was trying hard to force a conclusion so I could send it off to the committee.

It wasn't until stepping away and really taking in what this work means and what value is in the messages of those youth that I really felt complete.

Finally, after over 5 years, I feel like I've produced what I came here for.

This is definitely just the brink of another beginning, but I am UTTERLY ecstatic that I can finally feel like "that's a wrap"…well, real soon!

I'm graduating, y'all!!!!

Power in Unpredictability.

Here's a powerful message from the 21-day meditation I have been doing. I place it here just as a reminder for me…and you too.

"Day 17 - Taking Advantage of Unpredictability

“If you put yourself in a situation of unpredictability and then find that it's completely possible to accept it, then you become an observer.” – David Tudor

Today we look at unpredictability in a new light. Typically we find unpredictability stress-inducing because it forces us to move out of our comfort zones of expectations, beliefs, and hopes. A change in plans from what we hoped for is often felt as a disappointment or failure. But if we can see beyond the apparent randomness of life and recognize that a larger purpose is always being served, then we can relax and welcome unpredictability, and observe how we can redirect our efforts to contribute to the bigger picture that is unfolding.

Our meditation today opens our awareness to this grand purpose of the evolving universe and its infinite creative possibilities."