Planting the Seeds of Commitment and Completion

During my first day of class this past Tuesday the professor talked about the type of diligence it takes to make it through this level of academia. As she rattled off a list of qualities that might render you out of your league, I made mental notes of all of the personal characteristics that I have that weren't necessarily fitting in with the "what it takes". If I'm being honest, reading for school is not my favorite past-time, I am not known to be on time, I procrastinate, and I haven't really been the self-starter. I get lazy and looove to sleep. (For those of you who might want to encourage me right now by recalling all of the ways you've known me to be opposite of what I'm describing, save yourself the trouble. I've been fooling you too).

No worries, I am NOT feeling inadequate. I am just taking an honest look at who I've been in my life so that I can prepare for where I'm going. As the professor continued yesterday with the lesson/introduction to the course, I actually noticed that I wasn't distracted, daydreaming, or thinking about lunch or the nearest exit out of the program. I was very engaged and stimulated by the conversation about what I can get, and give, to this program, to the profession, and to the community. I got excited, and I noticed my transformation beginning.

On Wednesday morning, the very same person who doesn't like to get up early or read extensive academic material, got up at 5 am, no alarm, and began my day. Now, when my eyes first opened and I looked at the clock, I did initially think "what is this, a trick?" (phrase courtesy of L.Miner), but then I asked myself, "who am I going to be in this process?" So, at 5 am, I got up and took care of business. I did some reading, and prepared myself to get to campus to take care of outstanding things from my "to-do" list. Once there, I took care of my medical hold (I HATE NEEDLES), visited the campus library, and took a tour of the school museum. I printed reading material and basically got myself organized to get things done.

Today, as I sat for my second day of classes, I was still driven by the same momentum. I had to pinch myself at one point because I felt I might have been making strange gazes at the professors; I was just so happy to be sitting across from Professors, black, female, PhDs, who are my reflection. In my History & Philosophy of Social Welfare class, as my professor spoke, I felt as if I was transported to a porch in the South and sitting at the knee of a relative who was sharing old stories about our heritage. For the entire six hours of classes today, I was really in it.

I won't lie and act like there weren't times during the day when I had to quiet the voice inside my brain that kept analyzing EVERYTHING I said, but as I acknowledge it, I also release the strongholds of my self-doubt.

When I came home, I was perusing facebook and this video caught my attention. http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1524731795634 (Please pause and watch)

This spoke very directly to me. It reinforced the discussion I had with myself about who I'm going to be in this process.

Right now, as I sit amongst my books and planner on the floor of my bare living room (I still haven't furnished yet, don't judge me!), I know that I'm committed to being a contribution. I "[will not] let my dreams fall asleep" - (John Banzai and Les Nubian).


Stay tuned......