IF ONLY I COULD BORROW DOROTHY'S SHOES

(September 18, 2010. I wrote this a long time ago, just realized it's been sitting in my draft box)

So one of the things I worried about with this whole school experience is having to be further away from my family than the 20 minute train ride that I'd been used to for the past three years. When I thought about being in DC, I feared that if anything ever happened I'd be too far away from home. Well, today, this whole distance thing was put to the test.

After taking my writing exam this morning, I noticed that I'd missed three phone calls and a text message from my sister during the exam. I returned the call only to learn that on my mother's birthday she found out that her best friend and his uncle had been murdered. I froze. Stood still in the middle of campus in a daze, struggling to get my bearings. A rush of feelings surged through my body. I was in disbelief.

One of the victims of this heinous act, happened to be a man who was like an uncle to me. He had just called me a few weeks ago to check in and see how I'd been settling in. He told me how proud of me he was, and encouraged me to do my best. Unbeknownst to me, that would be the last time we spoke.

After hanging up with my sister, all I could think of was being far away from home. In that instant, I wished I had Dorothy's shoes. I wanted to click my heels and just be in the company of my family.

It would be ten hours before I could gather myself, get a bus ticket, and then make it to Brooklyn. At around midnite I finally arrived at home. I hesitated entering the house in anticipation of seeing my mom utterly devastated. To my surprise, the darkness that filled the house was actually to create ambiance for my surprise birthday cake. There's no place like home! I boo hoo cried mixed tears. While I was happy, I was extremely saddened by the reality that lingered in the room, and intermittently showed itself upon my mother's face.

I can't believe they're gone. Quite frankly I'm disgusted and tired of the stories of senseless, violent crimes that I've learned of in the past few months. When will it stop?

I can't say that I didn't reconsider my decision to be away at school because of this experience. I got really sad and scared. everything flashed. All of the excitement and passion that I had was questioned. WHile my faith in God never wavers, I just felt unsure, confused, hurt, ANGRY.

I'm sure there's a bigger picture that we might become privy to in the future, the right now just doesn't feel so great.