Self-Love Challenge Day 2: I am grateful for my emergent vulnerability!

The idea of being the "good girl" has run most of my life, especially early childhood. From young, I established this way of being that was very dependent on other people's perceptions of who and how I was; I was most often energized by people perceiving me as pure, wholesome, nice, sweet, intelligent...all things "good". At the time, to me this ensured favorable treatment and good relationships with others, especially when compared to those around me who more boldly expressed their opinions, took risks, and dabbled in all things taboo. What I've discovered is that this pattern began laying the foundation for the way that I experienced my life and myself; I placed boundaries around the extent to which I would be able to get to know and explore anything "outside the box", and thus made the journey to figuring out my "I AM" that much more complex. I grew very dependent on other people to set the tone for who I was and who I could become.

When I became interested in establishing my voice and really exploring my identity, I engaged in a dance with vulnerability. Of late, I can honestly say that I've been way more comfortable with bringing my raw self to my interactions with others. Today, my strip from the "I Am" jar, encouraged me to celebrate this emerging quality. Just this week, I experienced myself initiating calls to ask to be listened to and supported in times of real sadness, confusion, and overwhelm. In class today, I watched myself speak more honestly about my appraisal of the dynamics of my cohort and our group process, saying things that I would have otherwise kept to myself to avoid offending others or inciting conflict. One of the messages that I got very clearly from this experience is that I can "powerfully move polite out of the way" in order to truly energize my life, my relationships, and my leadership. I celebrate myself for really getting to a place where I can give the "good girl" a rest in order to bring my true self to life -- as I typed that, I just felt a physical sensation of freedom!