Resolution

The holidays were a mixed bag. A lot of transitions happened over the break. I'll make that mean that there are just that many more warriors to watch and to guide us.

I spent the break in the Big City. My first real extended period of time at home home. I did Christmas and New Years with the family and got some time to travel around my old stomping grounds and see friends. I was well pleased.

It was weird to return this time. Not just because of the door-to-door van ride experience from NY to MD, but because I knew that everything with school now would be different. This semester, I have absolutely no classes. There's no waiting around for exam results. It's really just me and my dissertation proposal. I may have given you this whole spiel before, but now that I've been back for two weeks it's really hitting me.

I recently re-read the proposal draft that I handed in just before leaving for break, and...it sounded like a foreign novel. After putting it down for just three weeks, I felt kind of unfamiliar with my own work; a piece that I'd grew very familiar with last semester--I could probably recite sections of it because I worked and reworked it sooooooo many times that it became second nature. And now, it was as if me and those 43 pages were strangers. Uh oh.

So, as you may have guessed, I've been a little in panic mode. I feel like the days are passing and instead of adding to what I've done and preparing to re-submit, I feel like I'm starting over.

But, there is a silver lining. I guess, having the chance to revisit my work with fresh eyes I found room for refinement; for really clarifying my concepts and for reconnecting myself to why this work will reflect the reason why I got back into this school thing in the first place. I resolved one thing: this process is NOT going to be any walk in the park. Coming to terms with that, I can breathe and keep pushing.

Otherwise, this year is also the start of a good transition for myself. I've been inspired by peers who are really taking action in their lives and working to make a difference for others in the process. While in self-reflection mode, I acknowledged the ways in which I sometimes watch life pass and then live in regret. I then decided that I was done with living that story.

Lawrence often sings this line from a rap song: "Each day is another chance to do the things I could've, done the day before, but I didn't, even though I should've". For some reason these words have been haunting me. So, I've used them for inspiration. This year, I resolve to take action. I've created a to-do book. In it I've filled up pages with things that I keep intending to do. Each day I choose an action, and I don't sleep until it's done...Then I cross it off. So far, I've fulfilled on 6 actions since I've started (6 days ago). Please feel free to borrow the idea! Then we can celebrate together!

So, I look forward to updating you on what I create. I'm committed to making this year be about really living...and I'm absolutely looking forward to crossing off "complete dissertation" from the list. Prayerfully, in the very near future.

Stay tuned.