Not...Guilty.

Yesterday evening, after conversing with my cohort mate, I was prepared to write an entry about this new revelation we had about school. I penned a title and everything...and then her phone went off.

I saw a little CNN icon light up on her screen. I figured something BIG was up in the world. We shortly discovered that the verdict in the Trayvon Martin case was in. Within seconds we were glued to the TV screen. And then, there it was: GEORGE ZIMMERMAN FOUND NOT GUILTY.

For me, there wasn't shock, just an utter state of disbelief. I instantly felt the weight of sorrow in the pit of my stomach. We watched as they replayed the verdict and cameras captured the subtle celebration of members of his defense team and family, while in the background, the anger and outrage poured in from around the world, outside the courtroom and on facebook news feeds. NOT...GUILTY??????

Time stopped a little bit for me. I was kinda frozen within my emotions. Trying to figure out which way to go with all that I felt. At first I just watched all the news briefs and then I read all of the posts, it got a little overwhelming.

There was this awkward stillness. It hurt. It stung. It was difficult to fall asleep.

. . .

When morning came, the first thing I wanted to do was call my momma. She had ALL the words I needed to hear. The gist of her message was that it was okay to reside in peace, to relinquish anger, to say my prayers, and to trust God. Honestly, jail wouldn't have "fixed" it. Trayvon would still be dead. His mom and dad would still be without their son. Maybe people would have felt like there was "justice"; maybe it wouldn't feel so much like there is blatant disregard for our people; maybe...but we will never know.

I guess, the feeling is really: "Now what?".

While I feel like I don't really have all the words, I'll share the voices of others:

I will not hate. I will not walk the earth powerless. I will not incite violence nor will I run away from it. I will encourage flowers to bloom regardless of how filthy the soil is they must walk on and grow from. I will not go quietly into the night. I will be remembered for something greater than the Black flesh I reside in. I will continue to honor all life and the sacredness of breath. I will not shy away from using words/images/sounds that make people shutter. Truth is my mission. Cowardice is my enemy.

-Hanif Abdur Rahman

Because we have survived white supremacy, racism, sexism, poverty, slavery, reconstruction, deconstruction, castration, lynching, assault and assassinations of the black boys America refused to let live to become old men, we know how to survive, and we know how to hope our way through expectations. We are survivors. It is exhausting and it is harrowing and depleting, but we are survivors.

I hope that in our rage we can be productive advocates Trayvon Martin’s family and so many others whose lives are devalued. I hope we can embrace the ones who are here, I expect that it will be hard to contain rage and despair and sadness. I expect to feel the furnace of the fire next time continuing to burn in my belly, but I hope that more of us will learn from the past enough to stand up, to affirm our lives, to stay alive in spite of a world that would just as soon dance on your grave.

-Joshunda Saunders

Today, just be sure to go forward in love.

Rest in Power Trayvon...and all those whose names we have not known or have forgotten.