A few weeks ago I attended a monthly meeting with fellow doctoral students where we listened to a Professor share advice about how to prepare for the dissertation and make it through the program in general. This particular Professor completed her doctoral program in three years, all while being a wife, a mother, and full-time supervisory employee. One of the specific things that she said helped her make it through was really helping those around her understand as much as possible that the intensity of academic life really made it so that she could not be as social as most wanted her to be. In her lecture she shared specific ways that she had to carve herself out of her family life, and often disappoint those she cared about in order to "get it done". Similarly, from a classmate who already has a PhD in another field, I heard stories of how she had to move out of her home entirely in order to minimize the distractions that didn't allow her to focus. I must be honest, while my first semester experience makes me totally understand the demands of this aspect of higher learning, I'm a little anxious about the level of sacrifice/investment that it takes to achieve this goal.
This past weekend, I had the pleasure of celebrating Valentine's Day with my boyfriend. We enjoyed great food, childlike fun (ice skating), great music (courtesy of TREY SONGZZZ and LLOYD), and each other's company. As I sadly watched his chariot disappear back to New York, I was encouraged to think about how my life path is going to embrace this academic journey. At 29, I hold some of the very girly dreams of marriage and family, fun and adventure. I also have some very real homework to get done, and some big plans to fulfill what I believe is my life purpose.
When I returned home from the bus station this evening, I took a look at my Valentine's Day present from Lawrence. In a beautiful wooden frame he made a replica of the diploma I shall receive when I complete my program. He thoughtfully presented me with this gift to post up as encouragement for the times when I get discouraged, and motivation to go forward with achieving my dreams. In addition to his intended messages, it was a subtle way to see that my girlish dreams are in line with my life vision; Lawrence's support of my journey, and willingness to manage the distance of this relationship with me, helps me feel like I have the type of person in my corner that my Professor and classmate said are important along this journey.
Choosing Howard at this time in my life has not only meant creating physical distance in a new relationship, but moving away from my immediate family, friends, and most things comfortable and familiar. While I know that this investment carries with it a lot of demands, I know that everything that I do is a part of the bigger picture of my life; I can't technically separate out these four or five years of school from my existence, because that's just not how it works.
While I heed the advice of others who have chartered this territory before me, I am committed to grinding it out and figuring out how to balance while achieving this aspect of my dreams.
Many thanks to Law and my family and friends who are supporting, encouraging, and managing the long distance with me. I'm certain that love will carry us through.
Happy Valentine's Day!
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