Well, maybe Humility & Self-Confidence

So, I write this post not to salvage the pride that I told yall was kind of compromised two days ago, but because it's important to maintain balance in this lesson and get the full benefit from this experience.

So, yesterday, I went to campus after my class at the University of Maryland to meet with the professor who wanted me to redo the paper. I was really in a space of wanting to understand where I missed the mark so I could really enhance my skills with writing literature reviews. Long story short, as we began to talk, it became clear that some of the information that was expected was actually in my original paper. For each point that she made, I was able to refer to a section in the paper where I had addressed the questions she asked; needless to say, I was a bit perplexed. Not mad, just not clear about the feedback. Anyway, after expressing my concern, we came to the conclusion that maybe she needed to read it again (thoroughly, and not in the middle of the night), and maybe I might not need to rewrite it.

A couple of things: I didn't feel vindicated over her because I was able to demonstrate that I had actually done what was expected, but I learned for myself that I often shortchange my strengths. Because of poor self-confidence in some areas, I am easily willing to take someone's feedback about my work as if it is absolutely accurate, without having faith in my own abilities. Had we not have had this conversation there would have been a piece of me that felt that my deep rooted "not good enough" mantra would have been affirmed, and I would have moved forward with a spirit of doubt about my writing in some way.

When I left the meeting I shared with her that while this may not have been an example of me being a disappointment, or even of me not entirely understanding how to perform the literature review to a high standard, I am committed to hearing from her feedback that could help make this not-so-bad paper even better. I still stand in a place of believing that I have things to learn, but I can also trust that what I already can do is actually not so bad.