I have cried a LOT these past few weeks. A combination of the winter blues and the heaviness of life had me in a pretty challenging space. Nothing felt right. I felt alone and just kept isolating myself even further to avoid being disappointed or hurt by others. It was pretty dark there.
When I walked in the door from my trip home for the "holidays" I literally fell to my knees in tears and pain. I physically felt sick, but moreso felt like my body was trying to force itself to purge from all the pent up and chaotic emotions.
I share this here not for pity or to put myself on blast, but because I realize how much ALL of this is a part of my process.
This morning, I marched myself back into counseling. I found someone close by that I can speak to and cultivated a safe space for all of my emotions. I eagerly walked the 25 minutes in this freezing cold to the therapist's office because I knew in my heart how much freedom would be on the other side of being able to sit with someone who could hold sacred time for me and my thoughts.
As I prepared to start this counseling process, I was reminded of why I wanted to do the work I'm doing at school in the first place. I really wish to raise awareness about the fact that there are tools and resources out there that can really help us process our pain so we don't have to keep transmitting unhealed wounds onto the next generation.
How timely is it that all of this is happening for me just as I prepare to collect and analyze data about this very topic: healing.
I trust that it is truly divine for me to be right where I am now, with all these feelings and all these transitions and transformations. What a testimony I will have. What powerful work I really feel God is preparing me to share.
This helps me to trust wholeheartedly that God is steering this ship.
God's been here the whole time.
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