I know, new semester, and I've already been off my blog grind. I guess one thing I've noticed is that when I get a little out of it, I avoid writing my feelings down, hence my absence for a few weeks. But I know, I do no justice to myself or this diary if I skip out on capturing all parts of this experience.
So, yeah, new semester, five classes, blah, blah, blah. It's been interesting; per usual, I showed up to my first day of class, and there was no one there. Going on three weeks in, I have yet to have a complete week of school; same ole story. Next week will officially start the full load of this final semester. Interestingly enough, I thought being one of two students in a class was awkward, but apparently, I'm the ONLY student in my Monday night course (which explains why no other students were there waiting it out with me when the professor didn't show up on the first day of school-during which it snowed-because she was in South Africa!). Also, at the last minute I had to squeeze in a sixth class to accommodate the requirements for the South Africa alternative spring break. But, school is school, so this courses stuff is not really too surprising, and I get to go to South Africa, so I'm not complaining.
I guess as the second semester of the second year creeps on, sounding the alarm of Comprehensive exams coming shortly and the need to start putting my the ducks in a row for the dissertation process, some not so subtle anxiety definitely starts to surface. As you try to be proactive and prepare, you begin to really grapple with the politics of finishing. There's so many personalities to navigate, and a lot of underground rules of the game to become familiar with; it feels way more overwhelming than you want it to. I know it will work out, but just saying. Trying to chase down and build relationships with already over-booked and ever-busy professors (those that aren't on sabbatical this semester at least) is nerve wracking; juggling academic and personal responsibilities is still challenging; and sometimes the idea of finishing seems way too distant. But hey, at least in talking to other students, you know you're not the only one.
It hasn't all been daunting though, I must be fair. I've volunteered at my first social work conference, I got to have one of my best friends visit from New York, and got to attend a Chrisette Michelle concert and take pics with Elle Varner. My family is still in good health, and my long distance relationship remains in tact and a major source of support. I never forget to give thanks, but I also allow myself the freedom to vent and release.
I know to push through I'll need to do some attitude adjusting over the next few days. I also know that I need to absolutely do better with my health. For some reason I've been having some respiratory issues which probably just reflects the fact that I need to B-R-E-A-T-H-E.
This semester will be like none of the rest, but I must remember that this has ALL been new territory. I know that God has walked the road ahead of me and I trust that in just a few months I'll be able to reflect on how I've overcome. In the mean time, please forgive me for my distance, I'll try my hardest to do much better.
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