My bad. So the thing about finals is that once they are officially over, you don't want to see a computer, book, or attempt to write anything that resembles a paper. Unfortunately, that meant that when I handed in my last exam, I never looked back, not even to document the level of excitement and relief that I felt when my third semester was successfully complete.
Two weeks later, while I can still recall the tingle of joy that consumed me, I'm a little far removed from that feeling, especially since I'm transitioning from relief from being done to bracing myself for the beginning of the final semester of coursework.
But before I dive into my thoughts of anticipation, I'll try my best to jot down some memories of this past winter break....
Well, to set off the break I was blessed with door-to-"door" inter-state service; my building just so happened to plan a FREE bus trip to New York that was scheduled for the day after my last exam was due. This 7am free ride was equipped with complimentary treats, including a signature bag complete with thirty dollars worth of gift cards! Happy Holiday to me!
When I arrived in New York, I was greeted by my boo and enjoyed a nice afternoon vegan lunch to kick off the vacation. As always, being home was wrought with a lot of fun, family, little sleep, and a lot of juggling in effort to do as much as possible in less than twenty days. I succeeded at most of the things on my NY to-do list; some of the highlights included getting to attend Christmas performances at my nieces' schools, putting up the tree and decorations with my mom and siblings, hanging with my best friend and college girls, looking down onto New York City from the Top of the Rock (Rockefeller Center) with Law and fam, and bringing in the New Year surrounded by complete strangers while listening to show tunes, and enjoying cool fireworks under the stars at Grand Army Plaza in Brooklyn before heading to my Mama's for our traditional New Year's gathering...and then for two days, in between helping the little ones finish their Winter Break homework, I passed straight out, trying hard to salvage some semblance of rest before returning for this final leg of school.
On a very personal level, this trip was both exciting and everything I expected, but also a little taxing and sad at times. There were several people who passed away just before and after the New Year, including a very close friend of my older sister, who had just spent Christmas with us the year before. It was very challenging to stomach the news of loss and garner the strength to support my sister and others who were also mourning.
However, in the midst of the hard times, I found myself clinging to one of the many gifts from my favorite Kwanzaa-Claus, my mom. Among the stack of treats she shared on Christmas Day was a book wrapped in neat blue, white, and silver festive paper. The book, entitled, Faith and Will by the author of The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron, shared some much needed insight that helped put things in perspective and helped really plant me in a better mindset to deal with the challenging parts of the vacation and my return to school.
Among the many lessons, the author of this text acknowledged that "it is easy to be addicted to anxiety...to make worry our home vibration", but as "God is with us every moment...we can ask for direction at all times"; "when God is in charge, all things are fraught with possibility...out of apparent disaster can come the greatest good".
Inspired to acknowledge and release my own worries, sadness, and anxieties, I opened up to a world of comfort in remembering that God got this, ALL of it. In this moment of welcoming the peace that is ever present because of the existence of God, I found a space for myself to see all that was going on, including the loss and mourning, from a different perspective, one that invited spirit of gratitude to replace my worry and sadness.
While I have officially swapped my metro card for my smart trip pass, and have returned to the DMV for school, in reflection, I've compiled a list of reasons to give thanks: I am grateful for safe travel, for the opportuntiy to have spent quality time with family and to have brought in the New Year with loved ones. I'm grateful that God provided a way for my animals to be taken care of while I traveled home so I didn't have to worry about their well-being or loneliness. I give thanks for having successfully triumphed over another semester of school, with a 4.0 gpa to show for it. I give thanks for being chosen to go to South Africa for the upcoming Spring Break. I give thanks for having friends and others around me who also have testimonies of good news to share about things opening up in their lives, and their ability to get through. And, even in the face of the sad news of her recent passing, I give thanks for the time that God allowed Kibibi Dillon to inhabit this Earth. For allowing my family to enjoy her presence as we celebrated Christmas in 2010, for leading her back to her family where she was able to spend time with her mom and siblings before she transitioned, and for creating the opportunity for her to live her dream, having one of her final "acts" in this world being her performance of stand-up comedy for an audience of people to whom she is sure to have brought joy.
Today, as family and friends have gathered in Cali for her home going celebration, in the spirit of Kibibi's life and commitment to joy and laughter, I take time to honor all of the wonders of life and all of the things, people, and places that have helped me and many others simply smile in the face of it all. Instead of thinking about tomorrow, or planning for next week, I simply take in the now, and give thanks.
"Gratitude...is the ability to see and say thank you for the many gifts in our life as they are unfolding...Gratitude shifts our focus from the negative to the positive...[making] us conscious that life is made of thousands of small variables and that many of those variables are already good". -Julia Cameron
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