Yesterday I turned 31 years old. This morning, I felt like I was five. As I accepted the reality of my need to return to Maryland for school, I silently threw a tantrum; I didn't want to leave home.
This past weekend, I finally got to come to New York without the weight of the academic world on my shoulders. I caught up with friends, got to see the new beautiful babies, and had dinner and fun with my immediate family. This year, there were no huge plans for the birthday, I just wanted the comfort of being at home.
On Sunday, my actual birthday, I went to church and then made it to momma's for the traditional family party. There was the ritual "telephone call" that brought me downstairs to a decorated birthday table with presents and foods befitting my dietary nuances, and loved ones singing multiple renditions of the birthday song. As I blew out my candles, I felt like I was living the possibility that I'd created at 12 that morning; I felt real joy and real love...(and a little bit of a competitive spirit as we battled each other in a game of "spoons"!).
I can see how getting to this part of the program produces a lot of ABD's (all but dissertations). After the long haul of coursework, you kinda just want to be a "normal" human being again; you want your time back and not to have to always be a responsible student. This weekend, I just wanted to have fun; this morning I just wanted to keep the fun going, I did NOT want to board the bus back to all things school.
It really took everything in me not to cry. I reluctantly booked my bus ticket at the last minute, and slooooowly packed my belongings, secretly praying that I'd get an email canceling tomorrow's 9:30am grant meeting so I could just have one more day...but, it never came, and I'm definitely writing you from my seat on the bus heading back to the DMV.
In my big girl voice, I give big thanks to my mom and siblings and to Lawrence for creating a space for me to feel really celebrated and loved. The warmth of those moments over these past five days really hit the spot, sending me on my way to do what I gotta...well, really to do what I have chosen and what I believe God has chosen for me.
I give major thanks to the Creator for giving me a chance at a new year in life. I'm committed to making You proud. I'm committed to living a life that I love.
Happy Born Day to Me!!!!
Now back to our regularly scheduled program.
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